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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello, hello, and welcome to your work for greater good. My name is Emily Eldredge. I am your host of this show, so happy to have you here as always, you can find ChangeLight.world. I've got a free course, free community, and it's all about teaching you inner work that accelerates your power to feel amazing, to feel stronger on the inside, and more solid and more clear and more into your Truth.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that you are led, not by your wounds, but by your wisdom, not by your fears, but by the fierceness, by the force within you that is here to guide you to be the best presence that you can possibly be, and make the the biggest difference that you can possibly make
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: today. I have a little bit of a confession to make. I don't know if it's that much of a confession. But you know I've just for fun on Facebook. I've been doing this silly little series that not even officially a series. But i'll occasionally i'll tell you something that says like.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: if you really knew me, you would know. And so I've I've shared a few things like one of the things I shared recently was that I love peeps. You know Easter is coming up, and I love things, and you know what I know. So people think that's for us, because I don't really care. I like these
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or another one. Was. I really love to crime like I tend to listen to true crime Podcasts I really love. Oh, no, no, i'm sorry it wasn't. But I said, I love to. I I said I loved European murder mysteries like I love those shows, and it's not because I like that. Some gore actually actually don't. I really don't like a lot of gore. I don't watch for films. Yeah.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but I do love a good story. I'm a twist. I'm a mystery. I just I mean. My brain was chewing on that stuff and figuring out who done it. So another thing, though, in addition to you know the murder mysteries, and is that I do like true crime, and I'm also
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: fascinating. I was thinking about hosting this on Facebook like. If you really knew me, you would know that I also really like I it. Let's put this way.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I watch videos about narcissism. I read, and I learn about narcissism. Now, of all of the different disorders out there. I don't really necessarily know why I tend to like.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: learn about narcissism as opposed to like this borderline personality disorder, vip over some of these other disorders or dissociative identity disorder which actually would make a lot of sense. Considering what I do.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I mean, there could be any number of reasons why i'm just fascinated by narcissism, and like wanting to understand how it our assistance, not the least of which is because I have dealt with narcissist in my life, and also because a lot of my clients, even some of my family members, have suffered from narcissistic abuse, and it's really really horrible
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and narcissist can tend to be extremely manipulative. They can often mask who they truly are. So there's one narcissist i'm thinking of who I happen to know personally who the whole. You know society. They all think he's just wonderful and hilarious and magnificent and great. And oh, yeah, he's such a great person. But behind closed doors, and when it comes to his own family he's abusive. He is horrible.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: He's just really really borable human being in terms of how he shows up or doesn't show up for the people with other people who are privately in his life, and the abuse that he has brought has left rooms, you know, for a decades of
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so anyway. The point is, I guess i'm just fascinated by narcissism also because I think because it's so. Let me put this way opposite of how I think what I mean by that is i'm not saying I don't have, you know, a certain amount of narcissism? You know we all have certain narcissistic behaviors or traits. It doesn't mean we're all narcissistic doesn't mean we have narcissistic personality disorder Aka Npd. But we can all have our different. Things that we do.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or ways that we think that can be kind of narcissistic in nature and
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: God. I wish I had it in front of me. Actually the definition that I wrote down recently of Narcissism by someone I've been following. I'll tell you about him in a minute. But the point is even recently I had a client session in which she had run into a major Narcissist in her work, environment.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and how, you know, this person came across this very charming, as they often do, and but it turned out he was very manipulative and abusive and toxic, and did all kinds of horrible things to her.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: which ultimately ended in her, you know, having to leave her job in her own mental health, suffering, and even losing a sense of herself, and losing a sense of her own Truth, and even feeling like she couldn't even trust herself.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: which is a lot of times. What happens when we are when we are manipulated when someone comes into our lives, or maybe already is in our lives who's manipulative, who has basically maybe masked their true intentions. And then we've fallen for it.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it it. It's just all kinds of forms of the use that happen when we run into someone like a narcissist, or plenty of other people
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the but it really made me think about. Okay. So what is it that you know, when it comes to people like this you can be very manipulated. First of all.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what is it that we can do to avoid as much as possible
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: being manipulate, manipulated? I mean, there are all kinds of signs of what a narcissist looks like, or the ways that they behave, or the ways that other manipulators work.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But you know, I think, in terms of inner work. What can I do to if you will like immunize myself against that? Or what can I do to make sure that I am not vulnerable to those behaviors, or that kind of person.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What can I do to make sure that I can maintain a sense of my chair, my clarity, my Truth, my boundaries, etc., in the face of someone like this. And so it got me thinking about that for this episode. And
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: first of all, let me just say that. Okay, there, there are a bunch of I have a bunch of things to share. First of all, let me just share one of the thoughts that came to mind Was I also like to watch Master Class so masterclasscom, and there's a master class in there by John Douglas, who was an FBI profile, and he said something really interesting.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: At the end of his his class. He says it's basically it's the lesson it's titled how to think like an FBI profiler, and one of the things that he talks about that he does in his work.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: especially when he's working with psychopaths and narcissist. You know, associate past like criminal minds, is that in order to try to get into that person's mind, he tries to figure out what's their weakness? What is it that they think they need, and maybe that's appealing to their vanity. Maybe that's making them feel, you know, appealing to their Grandy Austin, and they're the biggest mastermind on the planet. Maybe it's some kind of room that they actually know they carry.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know. So there are all different ways that he would use to figure out their weaknesses to try to get in there. Maybe it's to solve a crime. In that case, so in that case it's a kind of manipulation that's towards a good end towards, you know, with someone who's done something terrible and horrible. But in this case
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: he basically was saying, okay, so, for you you know, to the audience, how can you think, what can you do to try to basically prevent yourself from being easily manipulated by some of these people?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And he so it's like things like an FBI profile. And basically what he says is, and i'll let me see if I can. I don't know if I can share the screen. But i'm gonna read this to you.
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he basically. Said. Look, you got to be really honest with yourself
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: about your own weaknesses, and i'm even gonna add to that. What are your your weaknesses, or even some of your needs that you just really feel like you need that someone could end up identifying what that is, and then manipulating you. But here's what he said in terms of personal profile. Red flags.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: he said. Are you too agreeable. Do you lack self-control?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Do you have a fear of abandonment when relationships end
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and do you have trouble making everyday decision? So you, too agreeable? Do you lack self control. Do you have a fear of abandonment when when relationships and do you have trouble making everyday decisions? Now, my senses from the lesson is that it's not that those are the only questions to ask yourself, but he's using those as examples of like
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know. Could this apply to you? And in those cases, and in others
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that could be an opening for someone to manipulate you. So if you have a fear of abandoning that if you tend to go along a little too easily. If you don't ask enough questions. If you don't, you know, verify if you don't, and that's to, they are you to agree on to like, yeah, sure, whatever. Instead of going, Wait a minute, and you know I would always say, tap into an into your own Truth. Does this feel right? Does this not feel right? Am I getting a weird sense about this or this is actually feel pretty good?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So it's about really identifying what are your own unique weaknesses? And I would even I would even add this. And this is just because of myself
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and my own experiences when I have allowed myself to be manipulated, or I have sort of overlooked red flags in others because of how I felt like this. And, for example, one of my love languages is words of affirmation.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I don't, for whatever reason I just like hearing words of affirmation. I've often told my husband but one of the one of the the greatest things you can say to me is, you're really making a big difference for me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and you know, so we all have our different love languages. And so that's a way that we can feel loved by someone, and that we receive love, or maybe that we also give luck, but in this case, and I tend to give a lot of words of affirmation as well
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in this case, though, as I was thinking about the times that I've been manipulated, or that I've overlooked red flags when I was dealing with someone who was not on the fully up and up, and I have had those experiences is that I allowed myself to is that I was kind of
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: influenced, and I had sort of good feelings from their admiration of me from the positive things they said about me, from the divisions that they had for me. And yeah, we could do this, and we could do that, and it would be really really great now, from some people that can be completely
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: innocent and well intentioned and honest, and everything. But I mean I, when i'm talking about this. I'm. Thinking of one person in particular in which I overlooked a lot of the red flags with this person, and this was in business a few years ago someone who had invited me to speak, and then he was saying all these blowing things to me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it ended up. It turned out that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I overlook some red flags, or I overlook some sort of even pink flags, even sort of like. Oh.
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that's a little weird, and I kind of just dismissed it. Well, no, it's not a big deal, because I was like Well, it's such a good guy. It's like a nice guy, and it. It wasn't until this is crazy.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but it wasn't until one day out of the blue. I got an email from someone I've never met before. and this person said, I just want you to know that the person you're dealing with that other guy
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is a sociopath, and he's a liar, and he's a manipulator, and he has lied about all these things, and this person provided receipts provided evidence.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then I did my own research, and it turned out that this man, who would, you know, said all these blowing things, and I had overlooked the red flags. It turned out he had basically almost completely.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Matt, like fabricated his TV. He said he started all these companies. He didn't start a single one. I actually talked to the founders of this company, he said. I've never heard of this guy. So my point is that sometimes it can also be that if you have a certain love language
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that we really get such a charge when people do or say those things to us, or treat us in those ways. If we don't even that, even though it's not a weakness, it can also be sort of an avenue for manipulation. It can be an opening for someone to manipulate.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the point is that to really look inside yourself, and notice what are my weaknesses? What are my deep needs or yearnings that I have, maybe because of my rooms from childhood. Again, this is where the inner work comes in. What are the you know what it
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Basically, what are the areas in which someone could manipulate me? Or someone could just say the right things and appeal to all these. You know parts of me that could really get me hooked in
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: something very important, and something about that, too. I want to add, and this is why this is especially important for me and for those of us who do in our work is because most of the time I would argue I would think I know that I am is that we're very much impact. We're very in passive. We like to try to understand people in an emotional level, and we tend to be very forgiving, because we know i'm, speaking for myself, here is that I tend to, you know, be very forgiving and think about. You know how
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: well what is. You know? What are the rooms that cause that person to behave that way. It can end up, and I've done this so many times. End up making excuses for that person, and they're putting up with bad behaviors end up being way too forgiving way too many times, because we're so empathic, because we, you know, really think emotionally, if you will.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and the reason why this is important to recognize, too, is because, for example, with narcissist and all the things I've read, and I will give you some recommendations. But they frequently the experts on narcissism will say that impacts are easy targets for narcissist because of our big caring, because
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we can tend to think emotionally
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and emotional thinking is something that one of the people that I just started listening to. He talks about this now. He's an interesting character. Let me back up
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There's one lady that that I've followed for a long time, and she has done in tons and tons and tons of videos about nurses, and her name is Dr. Rami. You can find her on Youtube. She's got hundreds and hundreds of videos, and she talks about every aspect of nurse. She's an expert.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: She has had our sister in her life. She works with our sister, even in a practice. She is, I think, a psychologist or a psychotherapist. I'm not sure, maybe both. But the point is, Dr. Romney, our a. And I highly recommend watching her. But more recently I've been watching the videos of the guy named Hg tutor. Now, if you go to his.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You'll probably be like what the hell is this? It's a big over traumatic. There's fire and all kinds of crazy stuff. However, at the same time he is, as he calls it. So you know whether you want to believe it or not. This I've just been listening to enough lately that i'm like, Whoa! Okay, I think he knows what he's talking about.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: He will say straight up. He is a narcissist.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: He's like an ultra narcissist. He totally owns that, and he says he's
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: anti social personality, or I think a.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that'll tell you no empathy, no, really just does not function
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: mentally, emotionally, the way most of us do.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Okay, and he's. But it stills he's self aware, Narcissist. So he's done all the studies on himself on other people. He's like really studied the hell out of this, and he keeps his identity secret even from the people in his life, because, he says, the whole intention, the whole purpose
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of a narcissist is fuel and control. That's what their behaviors are. In fact, this is so fascinating, he calls it, and I would totally totally get this in a great, he said, that narcissism is a self defense mechanism.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That is, it forgot exactly where to find it. But basically the focus is fuel and control. To get fuel to support their narcissism, but also to control other people. And so that's how he breaks it down. It's fascinating.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But the point is that it's all about control and empaths are can be, can be really easy to control because of our emotional thinking.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And because we think emotionally has a whole video about this that I just watched yesterday looks so interesting. I thought what he called it cognitive distance and emotional thinking.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And when we think emotionally.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and then something happens that creates a cognitive dissonance. So, for example, it's like the narcissist or the person we're in a relationship with is so wonderful and love bombing, and you know oh, and we could go. This is the person of my dreams. And then, all of a sudden, there's a switch.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and there's in it's, and it's denigration, and it's abuse. And it's all this stuff. But that can create a cognitive dissonance in us, especially for those of us who are emotional thinkers like impacts. And what can end up happening is
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we tend to oh, good, no! But, he said, he loves me, and and because of this cognitive distance. Our emotional thinking kicks in, or it already has kicked in, because we've been love bomb, etc., and can cause us to dismiss those red slabs into
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: make excuses like I described. And she said, Well, does it really mean it, or you know? Well, she was wounded, and she was hurt in this way.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you see. So this is all by way of saying
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that there's some good information out there. I mentioned Dr. Romney H. 3 tutors. There's some other ones that that can help people like us. We tend to do our inner work.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and maybe we're doing it on work because we've had narcissistic abuse. But we do our inner work, and maybe we're impacted thinkers, and maybe we have certain weaknesses that on the one hand they can be strength because we are emotional fingers, but they can also be
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the doors open doors for people to manipulate us. And this is where, when it comes to knowing your Truth and honoring your Truth, and that wisdom inside that knows
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that is also another big intention of my work is to help us do the inner work, so that we have such a strong sense of core that we're not as easily manipulated by whether it's narcissist or anyone.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So a couple of more things, and and what I often say is.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: no one can punch your buttons unless you have the buttons to punch, so it's. Another way of saying that is, no one can trigger you unless you have the triggers.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that's what it's all about for me, too. It's like. I don't want to be triggered. I don't want to be manipulated. I like to feel solid and calm and strong and clear on the inside, and so a lot of times. The reason, you know a lot of reasons why i'll do in our work is to feel those triggers. If I don't want to get triggered, because I don't want to feel controlled by my own emotional reactions to things or by my own room. So that's how it goes by feeling. By doing the inner work. You heal those triggers feel those buttons, and then you by nature become less
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relatable.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So and, by the way, I will say that that manipulate me all this years ago. He has successfully manipulated other people, and and you know we were all really shocked when they found out this information about him. But as I started to sort of
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: connect Docs back. It was like, oh, that is a little weird, and that was a little weird. Not a little. I should have checked. I should have checked and done, you know, verified some things.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I also want to say to pay attention to what people do, not just what they say, and i'm speaking to myself on this, because sometimes because I am a words of that information person, and I listen to what people say, and I want to take that as solid information. It can be solid information, but sometimes it's not.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and in that case it's more about what people do, not just what they say, and I ran into this at some point last year when I had someone who said a lot of great things, and they said that oh, yes, and it was all this very flowery, positive, supported language, but in terms of how much they actually showed up
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and really were doing.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: fulfilling what they had promised they would do it. Just wasn't happening
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: wasn't happening. And so that's where I learned another really big last thing. Don't don't just listen to people say, pay attention to what they do, how much they actually do show up for you. And that includes that. If you've got a narcissist who goes from love bombing to abuse.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know H. Youtube or this. This psychopath nurse is on. You know his videos. I've been. I've been watching this basically No, they don't let you. If they're narcissist, they don't love you, they can't let you. They don't have empathy. And so in that case that's been information for those of us who are clients who are there, and who are in acting to say, You know what I need to stop moving myself.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I need to start doing what's strong and right for me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and to be in connection with people who can, who can connect with me in the same way, and treat me with the love and respect that I treat them, etc. All right. Hope this has been helpful, interesting stuff. Obviously it's a big topic, but it's really really good to to have as part of your in a work. Your awareness of that. What are my weaknesses?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What are the ways that someone can manipulate me so that I can heal those and not be as susceptible, not be victims of not we pray to
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: narcissistic people and others who would see to manipulate me for their own games. All right. I hope this has been helpful, as always. Again. I'm Emily Eldredge with Emily International, i'm studying. I'm like national. Oh, I got I able to see that that's the name of my old company. I haven't all of that in years. My name is Emily. I did it with change, like
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: sorry ChangeLight that world. It's been a while since I said that ChangeLight that world again. We have course, we have community free stuff, lots of good stuff, and let's take them again
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so definitely. Get in, and I hope that you are well, and I will see you next week.
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