TRANSCRIPT
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Hello! Hello! And welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. I'm so happy you are here, because if you are, especially if you are here to make a difference in the world, or you wanna shine your brightest light. I'm gonna I teach you the inner work that is required in order to truly do that. And so a lot of my work is about parts work and shadow work and my signature technique. The Drawing Out Process
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actually permanently heals fully, heals parts of you that are causing you to dim your light or to not shine as brightly, or to have certain reactions that don't reflect the Truth of who you are. And so that's what we're all about. So thank you for coming to my show. I hope you're enjoying this episode, and I hope you enjoy other episodes as well. Today's topic is what
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boundaries require. I'm gonna share something with you that completely blew my mind when I first heard it. And then I've actually shared with other people. And they've been like, we take these a lot. Talk about boundaries right? We always talk about. I gotta set my boundaries. I don't have any boundaries. I need to work on my boundaries, you know, or maybe your boundaries are too strong, maybe, rather than having boundaries is more like you have walls that actually prevent you from connecting with others and others
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connecting with you. So boundaries is a big one, and a lot of times when we have trouble in our relationships, you know, sometimes it can be because we are not. Maybe we don't even recognize or know our own boundaries, or we're not honoring those parts of us that are trying to get us to do that or maybe we have modeled for us when we were children. You know that it's okay to behave certain ways without consequence. And so
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: boundaries are a big issue, aren't they? And I often say that healthy relationships require
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healthy boundaries. And that's a here's
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that's not actually the sort of punchline of the title of this of this episode. But it's something I do want you to remember. Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. In other words, healthy relationship is not a boundary list relationship that's unhealthy. It's extremely important that we recognize all our sovereignty, our individuality, as well as the other persons in their own free will and our own free will. And so that is what is required in a healthy relationship. And the reason why I really am
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in in emphasizing. This is because I think we have this idea of like unconditional love, you know, and that therefore you're kind of enmeshed with the other person, and therefore you don't really have any boundaries. And that is just not true. I would say, for example, that my husband and I have a very healthy relationship. We really love each other. We enjoy each other. And we've had. We have to set boundaries with each other. Sometimes, you know, maybe someone says something, and it's
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certain way that's really unkind. And you know, in that person's world it's like, Well, that's what we all I said, everybody. And it's like, yeah. But within the relationship the other person doesn't like that. And so it's important to have those healthy boundaries and to respect them, to set them and to respect them, honoring one another
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and recognizing that those boundaries exist for a reason, and that they are a healthy expression of that relationship, but in terms of the answer to the whole question of like what
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: boundaries require? Right? So I say, healthy relationships require healthy boundaries. What do boundaries require? This is an important one, and this is what blew my mind, and I'm going to give a full total credit to this woman who is my shamanic healer. I've had journeys with her. She is amazing. I adore her. Her name is Carrie Bazoosky. She lives in Los Angeles, her website. I'm just Gonna put it out there right now is
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: healingwithkari.com. That's KARI. KARI. So she does shamanic healing and journeys and reiki, and all this good stuff. But she also does this thing called her Boundaries session. Now I'm not. I can't reveal what's in the session, because, you know, you promise not to reveal it. It's really important that she be the one to teach this method, this technique that she has. But there is one thing that I wanna share with you that she said to me
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that blew my mind, and I've come to realize, oh, my God, it's so true. Oh, my God, it's so true.
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she said. It's not a boundary
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: unless unless there's a consequence.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Okay, it's not a boundary unless there's a consequence.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Now sit with that for a second. Maybe your eyes are bugging out right now, I and I. I'm sharing this because I think it's so extremely important, because I think we think of boundaries is sort of like. Well, I said, no, which is true. I said a boundary. I said, no, I'm not denying that that's not enough of a boundary in terms of like, you know. If you said Look, I don't like it when you do that, or you know. No, don't do that anymore. That kind of thing I'm it's not saying that that's not
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setting a boundary, that you are expressing a boundary. But this has to do with when it comes to especially relationships and something with whom you know you're in sort of a constant, I guess interaction with
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: is that if there is a repeated pattern of behavior, and you say No.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and that person goes, oh, okay. And then they said, they won't do it again, but then they keep doing it, and they keep doing it. And they keep doing it. Or maybe they don't actually respect what you said. Maybe they're just like, yeah, yeah, whatever you know. Aha, I'm just kidding, right? So you've expressed a boundary, and that is, say, no.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you say, no, that is not okay with me. I don't like that. However, you put it. Okay. So that's I would say, expressing a boundary and saying, This is my boundary. I don't want that.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But if the person keeps doing it, and then you just keep saying, No, no, no, maybe you get more and more angry because you realize you're not being listened to. You're not being hurt, or maybe you're shutting down, or whatever the reaction that you're having. But they keep doing that. Then it's not really a boundary
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: unless
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you've enacted a consequence, or unless you've expressed a consequence, and you stick to that consequence. So, for example, you know, and it's so like with children. Right like a child. Let's say one child keeps stealing a toy from another child. Okay?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And it's upsetting the child that's being stolen, from whom the toys being stolen. And so you say to that child, hey? If you do that again, I'm gonna take away this toy. You know that you love for one week.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: That's a consequence. That's an understanding that you keep violating the boundaries. Child keeps violating this other child's boundary, and as the adults. In that case you might say, not okay to do that. And if you keep doing it, I'm gonna take away your favorite toy for a week. So that's a consequence. And what that does. And I don't know that necessarily the brain wiring around this. But I think what most of us have seen an experience for ourselves. Is that therefore, all of a sudden it's like, Oh, wait!
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: First of all, this person serious. They really are setting a boundary. And also, if I keep doing this, I'm gonna lose something of mine, or or that person's going to respond in a certain way that I may not want them to. And so in that case it's a consequence. It's not just a no, it's not just a like, you know, putting your hand and trying to stop them physically. It's also a that if you do this, then this will happen, or I will do that. And so it's such a powerful.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I think it's such a powerful point, because it's important to look at. I would say, too. And this is why I've also learned a lot is that I know that when it comes to my life and certain people in my life, I know that I have gotten so much better at setting boundaries, and I wasn't raised with very strong boundaries. It was always sort of like very fluid, or that I was supposed to put up with other people's behaviors, for whatever reason, and so I had to learn boundaries.
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and I learned that from my own emotions and emotional reaction I often say that anger is a great sign
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that says, Oh. you're, you know. You might have a boundary being violated or someone's disrespecting you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so the point is, boundaries is something that I've had to learn, and so I think I've gotten for myself pretty good at saying no, or pretty good at expressing a boundary. But there were the reason why I actually had that session with Carrie is because I had a relationship in my life where, no matter how much I said no, or had conversations with that person, or express certain things, or whatever they just kept doing it.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: They might have, you know, shown some contrition at the time. Oh, sorry! Oh, I don't need to upset you or they might have slipped it off, and they might have, you know, dismissed one just kidding, or whatever their reactions were that the pattern continued, their behaviors continued.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so that's actually what prompted me to then have this session with Carrie, because I was like, I'm trying to set boundaries here, and you know, and she had already said that she does these sessions. And so I had that session with her. It was like mind blowing because it was like, Oh.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I'm I'm so I'm like doing part of it where I'm expressing a boundary. But I'm not enacting a consequence. And so I just want. And she has this whole special technique the way she does it. So please take her session. Because she's amazing. And she absolutely crystal clear expresses like, why like how to set a boundary, etc., so I cannot do it justice. And besides that, this is her work. So I'm not gonna take claim claim credit for her work. But that whole idea of a consequence.
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it needs to be a consequence. So I want you to think in terms of your own life, where you know what you might have actually been setting a boundary. You might have actually been saying no, or you might have actually been, you know, whatever behaving in a certain way that you thought was a way of setting a boundary.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But consider, if maybe you haven't been fully setting that boundary. And consider if the person's behaviors or people's behaviors are continuing, because, even though you're saying that no, or setting that boundary verbally, they may not be, you know, respecting it, and in that case might consider that there needs to be that extra step.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Again. Carrie has her whole way of teaching you how to do it in healthy way. Okay, so I you know, I just wanna say, please, please have a session with her. If you wanna learn more about this. But I just think that's a really important point, the very least to put forth that if you find that there are repeated patterns people's behaviors in your life, and they're not respecting your boundaries, and it may be because there's that missing element of a consequence.
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Alright.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So I hope this has been helpful. And I know for myself that I'll just. I'll just say really quickly that I actually had a situation in my life recently where I had to actually do that, I had to actually use her language. And you know, sort of follow that that formula of setting a boundary with someone, because basically, they behaved a certain way towards me without apology. Even when I asked for an apology, they didn't give it. And so basically I realized that you know what I need to be very serious about this boundary and say, it's not okay this way
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and etc., etc., and enacts, you know, set that consequence so that they understand that if they do that again, they know exactly what's gonna happen. And of course, my job is to stick to that, and I will, because I feel very strongly and clearly about that. So again, that's thanks to Kari. She's amazing. I adore her.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Get with her healingwithkari.com all right. I hope this has been helpful, as always. I'm Emily with changelight.world. Please do take the free course in our free community. It's all great. Just get in there hit. Request to join. You can totally get in there for free and start to take the free course and connect with other people and listen to my podcast Dark Light Truth, lots of good stuff in there. All right, I hope you're well, take care. I hope you're having happy holidays, too, and I will see you next week.