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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | When Your Client Teaches You





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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello, hello! And welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge, and Um. I just realized that I am not plugged in. My My microphone is not plugged in, so hold on one second. Well, I do this. I apologize, as you can tell them a little bit


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um disorganized today. A little bit rushed. It's been kind of crazy. Okay, So I hope you can hear me better. Now,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: this is gonna work for greater good. It's not normally this crazy. But in any case, here we are, and here you are, and being here as always, so today's topic is that I want to talk about. Obviously, i'm talking about inner work or radar goods,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and we talk a lot about the inner workings. But we also talk a lot about things that happen in our lives, and how they can guide us towards realizations and everything. And so, anyway, my point is that my topic today has to do with when your client teaches you,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and what I mean by that is, those of us who do guide others through in a work, whether you know you're a therapist or a coach, or I call myself an emotional health innovator and educator, because i'm not technically a coach, and I feel like I do more than coach, and then i'm not a therapist. I don't have any those letters after my name. Um, but the point is those of us who ah support people through their journeys, who are ah, you know, in any way but helping them across their


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: emotions, or navigate difficult situations in their lives, those of us who are helping others through those things and inner work. Oftentimes our clients can come to us with interesting situations.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Sometimes, when they come to us, we can have certain reactions or certain realizations of our own. And so in this case I want to talk about how oftentimes people come to us, because we have some kind of wisdom, or they see us as having some kind of wisdom or some ability to help them get through things,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or some kind of expertise. But you know what happens when actually they teach us, and we learn from them. And in fact, I find that some of the best healers and coaches and therapists, et cetera.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Um and guides and leaders are those who learn from the people that they're guiding or leading or coaching, or, you know, helping to heal, that we have a lot. It can be a real two-way street, and the reason why this came up for me as a topic this week is because I had a client with whom I had a realization, and it was so interesting to watch how this client was mirroring certain things


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that I was experiencing. Now it's very, very common for me, at least, that I might have a client who, you know, comes to me with a particular situation, and I can, and through my own past experiences, but even through my my, my, my, my, my, my my


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um. Then I can identify what they're talking about. Even if I haven't been through exactly the same experience, or maybe I've been through exactly the same experience, and I can go. Yep, I get it There's still that ability to. Ah, you know. Ah recognize oneself in one's client from that perspective. And yet oftentimes it's sort of like they're coming to you with an issue that you know. Maybe you've already gone through. You've already processed.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know whether it's something like, you know, issues, you know, being triggered by parents, or like impostor syndrome. Or you know some of these different challenges that we can have, and you know those of us who have already done. A lot of our inner work often are helping people who are still well. We're always doing air work, but earlier on in the process. And so. The point is, we can feel pretty well equipped to help that person, and we see ourselves reflected in them. Um! And their challenges reflected. You know, in in our experience.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But in this case I had a client


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: who


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it came to me with some really intense fears, and this is a situation that She and I have talked about many times before, and we've been doing the Drawing Out Process in the ChangeLight System and healing those parts so that she can really feel much deeper clarity and wholeness around this situation.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it was so fascinating, though how in this last session I had with her a lot of really deep emotions came up. Usually we kind of sit with um, you know, sort of. We go into the deeper stuff, the the underlying traitors and wounds and all that, and we heal those, you know, childhood, et cetera. But in this case


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: she it was actually a follow-up session. So it was in a full Drawing Out Process session, which were usually about three hours. It was a one-hour session that was a follow up,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and she was expressing some really intense fears about


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: a situation in her life, or you could even argue like a lack of a certain situation in her life, something that she felt was really missing, and that she,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I think the fact. No, i'm sorry it's sort of a general theme of her life, but she'd had a situation in which she'd made a choice to disconnect from someone. And it was based on all of these deep, intense fears.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And and it was so interesting because, as i'm sitting there, and i'm listening to her talk about her fears in the situation, and what led her to basically end it with that person.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It was so fascinating because I saw


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: how I was feeling in the moment in my own situation and my life


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: totally mirrored in what she was going through. And here's the thing,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and she was talking about her fears in this situation. And yet she was at the same time talking about the actual situation like what had actually happened, or what had not happened. And you know I was like, I thought to myself,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Gosh! You! Her


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: fears are really intense, and I don't see where these are coming from, and also


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: they didn't.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: This is going to sound judgmental, but it's not meant to be. It's like they didn't seem justified. In other words, the current situation she was dealing with.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It was not commensurate with the intensity of fears that she was having. In other words, nothing had happened in that current situation to really trigger the intensity of the of the fears that she was having so obviously those fears were from the past.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Um that we're getting triggered, but I felt, and it's not very often that I feel this way.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I felt like she was overreacting,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: based on what was presented to her, And, by the way, I apologize. I'm. Sounding very ambiguous, because obviously I can't reveal confidential information.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But the point is as I'm. Listening to her, and I'm thinking God!


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: This situation doesn't sound like as as horrible as she is scared that it is or will become, or it sounds like she cut it off before, you know, just because there were sort of glimmers of something. But it didn't really sound. It sounds like her fears had preempted her from


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: enabling things to kind of play out naturally, and i'm not saying I disagree with her choice. But the point is


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that I saw reflected in her. She was a mirror.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But what I was going through at the time in a different situation in my life, in which I was having these intense fears that had been triggered,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and not because of any sort of evidence, major problem. If anything, There was a lack of information on my part.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it was fascinating to watch and think. Wow! She kind of seems like she's overactive over reacting a bit because she's really really scared.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then I went. Oh,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's kind of like what i'm going through right now in my situation, where I am like way scared, and we freaked out,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and really trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but it wasn't necessarily based on any like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: alarming information or evidence that i'd received. It was more my own fears,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because because I. I was afraid that a situation repeated itself. I'm sorry. I apologize for being so vague. But again i'm having to like protect, you know confidentiality, and not not get too in the weeds about this. But my point of that is to say, that listening to her


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: talk about her, the intensity of her fears, and how it really sounded like she was kind of over reacting because she was scared made me realize. Oh, wait a minute.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I think i'm over reacting because i'm scared,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that was really really huge for me in helping me to calm down in my own personal situation that I was in


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and relax more around it, so that I could handle it with greater clarity and ease and wisdom.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so my point is as as I want to talk about today or i'm talking about today, is It's about when your client mirrors for you, or when your own client teaches you, and I really do believe as much as those of us who are in these positions of.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: We don't even think of it as authority. But we're seen as positions of authority. We're as guides for helping people through their issues, because we've already worked through our own, or we have some kind of expertise


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that it's very humbling, but it's also very necessary


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to have to be able to learn from our own clients and notice when maybe the universe is bringing us a situation that our clients are experiencing to help us recognize something within our own lives, or whatever we're experiencing. Now, in this case, as I was listening to her,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I wasn't triggered at all by her situation. I was more just like, you know, open and curious, but also reflective. And I like ah, I would say this, I wasn't judgmental, but it was more like I don't know. That seems a little strange,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, and obviously I know that It's probably you know that it's from deeper stuff within her. But even just in that musical it it's a little strange, and i'm like, Oh, okay, okay, I think I know what's going on here


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: she's mirroring back something that I need to recognize within myself.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So it didn't trigger me,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and actually just help me see clearly. But the reason why i'm using the word trigger is because that, I would say is frequently another indication or a major indication.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: When our client is teaching us something about ourselves, or showing us something about ourselves. So, for example, if a client is dealing with a situation


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in which you suddenly have a reaction, or we, as coaches, therapist, et cetera, suddenly have a reaction to what they're going through, whether it's criticism, you may not show it. But if you feel like critical, irritated or


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or reacted in some kind of way.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's really important to be aware of where that reaction is coming from. Now. Sometimes that reaction, you know, sort of like like. For example, I found that when I was suffering it Hasn't happened in a while, but when i'm suffering from compassion, fatigue oftentimes I will start to feel like irritated with other People's emotional stuff.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I or i'll feel exhausted by it, or i'll feel drained by it. That's a sign of something like I would say compassionate. I'm not an extremist. I'm sure others can talk more about this. But compassion fatigue. So, in other words, if that's what's getting triggered Sometimes it can be because it's like, you know. You actually really need to take care of yourself. So that can be a good mirror or reflection for one's self to realize that. Okay,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I need to like, stop here, or you know, I need to stop and really take care of me. But if someone's in a situation in their lives, and you're triggered by it in sort of a judgmental or reactive way or life.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The um


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what the hell are you doing or ah, basically just notice just the whole point is to notice when you have an emotional reaction, something that your client has done or is doing, or is going to, because what that can actually be showing you and those of us who are in these positions, these roles of people's lives. Is there some unprocessed stuff there for us within ourselves.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: For look at,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And the reason why that's important, of course, is because obviously our job is to be present with the client, and if we're bringing our own crap into it or our own reaction, then we're not being fully present with that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that's where inner work, of course, is absolutely vital. I know that for myself one of my biggest, biggest, like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: folk I, or bold, or like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what I really work on is being as healthy as I possibly can within myself in my own life, so that I can be as healthy as possible in the lives of my clients, and those I teach and support, and educate and heal and help to heal.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, if you are noticing yourself, having a reaction, write it down in the moment I would recommend, or later on. And look at that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What is going on with me that i'm having this reaction to what that person just shared with me


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so it could be. Let's say, let's say your client comes to you, and they're crying, and they're extremely sad.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And now, mind you, i'm sure we've all had clients where it's like this. It's just constant crying in constant status, and it doesn't feel like things change, and that's where that can be really frustrating, obviously as someone who is trying to facilitate and guide people through their healing process. So I get that. But also, if you have this impulse, or some part of you, has an impulse to like, want to say, Stop crime, or like, Oh, my God, get over it, or have some kind of reaction like that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of suppressing their emotions. For example,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's I think, a pretty good indication


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that you may actually have a part of you that's suppressing your own feelings,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or that's not allowing you to acknowledge your feelings, or dismissing your own feelings or your own sadness or your own tears.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that's an important sign that you


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that basically there's some kind of inner work that your client, because of the experience they're bringing to you. And the reaction that you're having. That's an indication that you've got to do some work yourself,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because I guarantee you bringing your own triggers and your own wounds and your own


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: egoic stuff, whatever it is, into this scenario. This is what is supposed to be a safe and healing space for your client. You're basically and there's no criticism in this or attack in this, you're basically making it unsafe for them.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: If you're not doing the inner work that you need to do to heal those parts within you that are getting reactive that have gotten triggered by whatever they're bringing to you. You know it's interesting, because, like with the Drawing Out Process, and there are some of you might be familiar with it. Some of you might not, but it is a very intense process that I do when I work with my clients, and, like I said, you know sessions can last two to three hours. We go really really deep.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: We go to the core of people's, wounds of their defense mechanisms. So I end up working with and talking to some pretty intense, you know bullies and monsters inside of the person, or blocks or triggers, or you know, crying children, or what have you?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: If I hadn't done my own inner work? Enough of it, Then I could easily get triggered by that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I could be judgmental. I could be critical. I could be irritated. I could be dismissive. Or what have you towards those


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the the parts within those people, or towards the people with their challenges, but because I've done so much inner work, it's extremely rare that I get triggered, and i'm not saying that as I o yay me, i'm saying, it takes a lot of inner work


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to really be that clear present, and safe space and vessel, if you will


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: for your clients to support your clients through their journey. And not only that, the more we do our own in our work, the more powerful we become in their lives the faster we can help them actually heal and process their will.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So my point, then, my point of bringing about the Drawing Out Process we go really deep. But I've got to be honest with you. That's actually one of the big reasons why I haven't yet


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: created. I've got training programs for the Drawing Out Process, but that training in the Drawing Out Process requires that the person has. You know it will require I haven't officially launched. It yet


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it will require that the people who are to learn learn the Drawing Out Process. They are really doing the work themselves, because the last thing you want is to be talking to someone's inner critic, and like arguing with it


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or siding with it like in a real way like, Yeah, you're right. That's she's an idiot, or whatever so, or even with or when you're dealing with a wounded inner child. And that child is carrying some really intense sadness or pain from a situation that may, to an adult seem like silly or minor. But it's so important to that child,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that inner child. And so we're so vital that we never dismiss the pain of that inner child because it's real for them. You see what i'm saying. And so that's why


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it is so extremely important. Whether you're doing the Drawing Out Process, whether you end up getting trained in it. Once I've finally launched a program, or you're doing your own work. It's so extremely important that we do our own inner work. I always say that the the absolute prerequisite, so I can sketch my dose


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the absolute requirement, prerequisite and requirement for healing is safety,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: external and internal.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And a lot of what I see myself doing with clients is I create that safe space for them, so that they know they're not being judged, and they know that i'm present with them, and that I am kind and compassionate and non-judgmental and patient et cetera,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but also what I'm ultimately doing. And I believe those of us who are healers a lot of what we're doing,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: helping guide those parts that have felt unsafe back to a sense of safety.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that's why it's important that we, as coaches, therapist healers whatever we are, you or me or anyone else, educators that we create that safe space. But first we have to create it within ourselves,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that's all you know to the point of this whole episode in which our clients, when they come to us with certain things or people in our lives, obviously. But in this case I think it's important to recognize when our clients can beat our teachers, that we make note of that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that we look at it. We take the time to look at what's going on with me that i'm having this reaction.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Or hmm. How could it be that their situation and what they're dealing with?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It could actually be teaching me in mine.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I find that the more we can allow there that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there's a little bit of that two-way there right with the client


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: with, you know, with two way. Not that you sort of turn around and go. Oh, yeah, I'm dealing with the same thing. And i'm having the same trouble.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Yeah, it's not necessarily appropriate to do that, but to internally have that two way and go. Oh, you know what I think. I have something to hear or receive from this that that can empower us to be more powerful healers, coaches, and therapists than ever,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and to be even safer spaces for those who we seek to serve, and those we are serving


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: all right. I hope this has been helpful. The show is a little bit shorter than usual, and I hope that's okay, but I feel like I've shared all the information there is to share.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Ah, as always find me find arts at ChangeLight.World. Just so, you know. I'm in the process of creating programs for children


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: ah inmates and coaches and therapists. I'm working on that, too, because I want to help coaches and therapists and the others learn the Drawing Out Process or learn the ChangeLight System, and to work with the people. They help


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to process through their issues and learn the three types of struggles and three types of inner strength. So be on a lookout for that. And, by the way, if you go to the website, but a change like that world


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and click on our programs, and you'll see at the bottom. You can actually sign up to receive updates about those courses when they are coming out all right. I hope this has been helpful, as always. Again. My name is Emily Eldred, with ChangeLight, and I will talk to you again.


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