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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

🎙SHAROO | "Sarah" (Burnout)

Here are Sharoo's drawings, the video, and the raw transcript from Episode 6 of the podcast DARK LIGHT TRUTH.


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VIDEO


 

TRANSCRIPT

I I get upset that I get blocked it's like you told all this about connecting with the feelings and sitting with them and working through them but how do you do that if that isn't a feeling every accomplishment I had it was it was getting me further but it was always it always had that tag attached but you didn't do that you didn't make other people act better it's a picture of little me wearing jewelry and


crying I didn't know what was happening inside their minds I didn't know how to help I thought I wouldn't want anything else the rest of my life that could be fixed and I was willing to go through everything to fix


it what came up with joy I didn't expect to find it but it was


there I don't need to go crazy looking for answers when they're already


there I am Emily eldrich and this is dark light Truth where we dive into people's Darkness reclaim their light and reveal their truth what you're about to hear is a real person going through an actual session of the drawing out process my seven step emotional healing technique in which we draw out talk with and fully heal an inner part or parts at the core of a person's struggle every session is filled with surprises epiphanies twists and turns we never know what we will encounter nor who inner critics crying children angry walls gruesome monsters it all depends on the world that formed within the person in reaction to their life experiences as well as what their inner wisdom deems is ready to heal once and for all join us as we solve inner Mysteries heal inner struggles discover incredible wisdom and guide this person back to the wisdom light and Truth within them so that they can fully live that truth light up and light up our world listen closely because you never know hearing them heal and light up just might help you heal and light up [Music] too join me now for my session with a lovely Indian woman named Chu what you will hear is an edited version of our full 4 Hour session which she volunteered to record for this podcast let's listen as she describes her struggle with feeling terribly intensely blocked both in terms of her productivity but also in terms of her emotions and as you listen to her struggle you might consider the times when you felt blocked and wonder hm I wonder what caused those for now though let's start to dive into her darkness and find out what's the culprit who is it the part of her that is causing this intense inner blockage we'll soon find that the culprit is not who we think it is at first but someone else much further down by the way if I sound a bit congested in this session that's because I was just a little bit under the weather when we recorded it one of things that happen sometimes I I get upset that I get blocked just like that be the third Arrow of the problem


blocked makes it super hard to work on anything because you told all this stuff about connecting with the feelings and sitting with them and working through them but how do you do that if that isn't a feeling for many years growing up my inner voice was very very critical there was a lot of Shame um a lot of it was self-inflicted and I think that there's definitely some roots from there which is why the blocking is showing up now when I'm much older because I think it comes up now when it seems like anything might go in that direction that I might be doing something which is painful or risky or hard or even sometimes if it's something I want to do like let's say I plan this big creative project that I'm very excited about um I'll head towards doing it or set to side time for doing it and then my feelings will get blocked and I won't I won't feel that excitement anymore and that hurts that hurts so much later on and then I have to wait for variable amounts of time for it to for it to change and how it changes I don't really know or understand or control and tried to work with it as a procrastination problem but it became more unexplainable as the go-getter phase was ending and that was right before some big changes in my life when I moved abroad for the first time stayed away from my home and family and soon after the pandemic came as well so it just it got worse and worse did something happen when you went abroad it was emotionally intense for sure going abroad I was okay definitely caring a lot of negative feeling when I first went and I went determined to prove myself even more but eventually I burned that's one of the symptoms in my body began showing up it was at its worst when in my body at least um I couldn't sit up for more than an hour without wanting to lie down I couldn't turn my neck without


discomfort I couldn't carry light backpacks because they left me in pain for 3 Days afterwards it didn't matter if I figured out solutions to the problems that it created to be blocked because they just became new blogs to deal with and a lot of what I thought I could do potentially had to stop because I just didn't have the capacity anymore and it wasn't it wasn't something I could easily explain to people and you can never tell someone oh I didn't do it because I didn't have the mood to do it that makes me very unreliable to myself and to other people that's not who I want to be and then if I'm not careful the the inner critic will pop up later and be really harsh and tell me you're you're an idiot you're you're not capable you're incompetent something is wrong with you all those nasty things our critics can say many years ago I think back when I was still really in my go-getter face in a way this happened fairly rarely uh you know what's weird though at the time that was the time when Theo critic was pretty loud that same go-getter face in fact oh interesting it was effortless in the sense that I could do it and I could rely on myself to do it but it wasn't painless he was doing well but still being shamed which I know now was very harmful but it it worked in a sense it wasn't a good thing but it worked it's not going to work again now I'm not that


person so here we've heard shahu describe this struggle she has with feeling blocked and also the fact that there's a physical component to this as well physical pain that she suffers from meanwhile she used to be a real go-getter so this is incredibly distressing for her because she's so used to being highly productive and highly successful and being able to meet her deadlines and be super responsible with her schoolwork but now it's completely different and it's like there's nothing she can do to fix this we've also learned that this feeling block really coincides with when she first went abroad and she was away from her family and it was during the pandemic she does mention past struggles with an inner critic and this is crucial because inner critics are often the part that will cause these kinds of feelings of feeling blocked of feeling held back unable to move forward unable to function as we normally do but at the same time she makes it sound as though no it's not really the inner critic that's causing the problem but you know what nevertheless I figure she's brought it up so let me just investigate this further so that's what we start to do and as she starts to share the history that she has with this inner critic we find out when it originated and also she starts to get an image which will ultimately lead us deeper into discovering the actual culprit that's at the core of her feeling intensely blocked unable to move


forward I think the worst of what it said was you aren't human you don't deserve to be here okay I I know this is probably painful could you write that down please human you don't deserve to be here there was something then that I didn't manage to do which was never in my control to fix but my mind kept insisting that was the most important thing and because I hadn't managed to do that I wasn't good enough so every accomplishment I had it was it was getting me further but it was always it always had that tag attached but you didn't do that you didn't make other people act better quite frankly my critic expected me to be some sort of superh human and it actually used the words why aren't you super human when was the first time you remember hearing that inner critic or feeling that


way definitely when I was very young when you were very young okay I would I would guess before the age of 10 but I'm not very sure


okay one thing that happened many times comes to mind right now um a lot of those times I would cry alone I would lock myself in my room and cry there and kind of talk myself through what was what was happening or how I was feeling


and that's when things like these would come up you know a child would think something like a oh there must be a Divine Factory line up there of human beings who come down and you must be the defective one oh wow it was very very harsh for a child to think and it would always be alone so that scene you could say happened many times in the same room every time sometimes I'd be escaping things happening in other parts of the house and I choose to leave that and feel my feelings there wasn't much point to sharing them with the people around me because I don't think they knew what to do with them as I know now they didn't know how to hold space for it told myself I shouldn't burden them with my feelings shouldn't add to their problems and they were dealing with so much I could see that I could feel it why would I add to


it so what do you think that inner critic was trying to do that voice by telling you those


things right now I think it was trying to tell me that something very simple it can't go on like


this and thing is I see now it was wrong it did go on for years we all got through it somehow but you know how it feels when you have a strong feeling that this is all that ever will be that that this is it this one feeling just kind of swallows up all your awareness


it was that kind of feeling with the big feelings and the critic in saying all these things was just like in your current understanding this can't happen you've got to get better or you've got to accept that you're not going to get better you're not going to become a superum therefore you should give up you're not the right person to be in this


situation if it were to finish this s sentence if you are superhuman


then and you'd make everything better you'd fix it so it doesn't happen again and the everything better what's that as are we talking about what was happening in your home ending the conflict yes ending the conflict and thinking myself be a better fit are you aware of that voice inside you still or are you just mostly bringing up memories of it memories there tons of times it'll just kind of back door take over my mind somewhere but yeah it's a lot better than where it was back then it would probably run through my mind like a chant or it would be ready to to leap at every mistake no it doesn't but that's why this part is kind of harder because there aren't words I can fight with


anymore so so far we've learned that this inner critic originated in her childhood when she was in a household that was filled with conflict and this inner critic would pressure her to try to fix it it could see how much pain she was in so it was like well you need to fix this but because she couldn't fix it because she was just a child and these were adults with their conflicts this critic really horribly criticized and shamed her but then again even as we're learning this about this inner critic she ultimately says well no I'm really just sharing memories that's not really the problem in this case and so our investigation continues so in this next section you'll hear me ask a couple of questions just to kind of pressure test then like where who is the culprit what are we really dealing with here and I think a part of you is really [Music] scared that if you were to go back to the way you used to be you know being productive getting things done Etc that you're going to burn out


again but it's also afraid to move forward to something new are you aware of what that part of you feels like inside of you or what it looks like just was curious if you're noticing anything about that


part you know I I don't really have that many memories of myself when I was very very young MH like under


10 but maybe because of the inner child work I do sometimes I am getting an image of myself as a a very little child just crying at the absurdity of it all I know it's just very despairing that's all it's it's like it's given up a little okay yes yes yeah can you is that image clear can you draw that little girl what you're seeing just what you're noticing about her sure it's it's not how I looked when I was young exactly but it's a picture of little me with longer hair than I had wearing jewelry and crying the jewelry might seem odd but I think it's it's there because other people saw the jewelry they didn't know I was crying right they were focused on the outer


appearances is she sitting standing is she punched over I'm just sort of curious what she looks like in your


mind sitting head on her knees sitting hugging


herself very sad for her I also feel a little helpless and not entirely sure how to help her and those times I can't reassure her that well


I wish she had a someone better to take care of


her about how old is


she let's take 10 yeah 10 feels like a big age doesn't it finally go to the double digits yeah right becoming a big girl yeah exactly I was one of those children who was sad at every birthday was like I don't want to be


older well what did that mean if you you know why was there a resistance to being older well I'm not too sure but I think I kind of knew even then that adults aren't always


happy the older I get the closer I get to to being like them interesting such a harsh kid I mean well if you are surrounded by unhappy adults I don't blame you for not wanting to be like that like being an adult looks awful I don't want that I mean it's kind of


true so I just want to pause for a moment to point something out and that is that you know right now we're sort of chuckling about this whole thing with birthdays and I'm making light of the fact that you know well of course you wouldn't want to grow older I mean you're seeing all of these miserable adults you certainly don't want to become a miserable adult too so of course you'd hate birthdays but what I didn't know at the time is there's a very particular reason why she hated her birthday as opposed to just other days and when we end up talking to the little girl inide her we're going to find out exactly why that is but right now I'm more curious about what she means by conflicts up to now she's been sort of General about what she experienced as a child I really want to find out more specific memories or more specific examples of those conflicts that she witnessed and was a victim of at times in her


childhood when we talk about the things that were happening in your home are there any specific experiences memories or what have you I mean we've talked generically about conflicts but what was happening what were some of the things if if you're okay sharing if you don't mind I won't share all of it but for instance it could be something as simple as oh we forgot to give one particular medicine today and that could lead to a ruined evening


because all evening there'd be accusations going back and forth um we don't have enough in the budget to handle this and that must mean you're irresponsible no you're a miser no you're a spendthrift you are you don't care about this and oh you're doing this because that happened before it's like this horrible Jenga stack in which any superficial argument just goes back to something that's intractable


a lot of the early inner critic words were eally similar and I picked up on that eventually that hey a lot of this sounds like the stuff I heard or is in the same kind of tone or same kind of harshness yeah and it it made everything very intense you know because even if the little girl gets a compliment like oh you're such a smart girl you're so kind you're you're compassionate you're mature you're on the one hand it's lovely to get that affirmation on the other hand it's but if I'm so smart and if I'm all these nice things why can't I fix


it so even though we weren't seeking this answer we actually just solved a little mystery there did you hear it that we found out where the voice of that inner critic came from and it was very much the same voice as she heard from the adults in her household when she was a child inner critics are great mimics they will often replicate the messages the intensity the beliefs the energies of our caregivers when we were children consider the voice of your own inner critic or inner critics because we often have more than one which ones of them are mimicking those messages those tones of voice those words so at this point now that we've learned a bit more about shadu's inner world and the source of her struggles it's time to invite this little girl to speak so I invite Sarah to speak and she agrees to speak with me shahu is awake and aware through the whole


conversation so I hear that you're sitting there you're crying what's going on


sweetheart I don't know how to fix all of it and I wish I could


good I just wish I knew cuz I'm so tired of trying again and again don't have all the


answers no one seems interested in finding them and they seem okay they don't seem worried about these questions like I


do and I don't know


why


that means something has to be


fixed and I should be happy


right it's un safe to be


happy even if I can put up with all my sadness all by


myself it's stopping me from doing well in school from doing things from from making things better it's stopping me from that and that has to be fixed


too I don't know how really


don't that's not


right they seem okay with it though I don't know how Tri I've tried telling them how much it hurts much it hurts


everyone said it was still the right thing to


do that the fight was the right thing even then they said that fighting was the right thing to do mhm that was someone else's


fault and how did that feel to have them respond that way to what you said


scary how come that felt scary to you sleep if I said the wrong thing they might shout at me and then who would talk to them if I didn't I mean I'm hearing that you really tried you really really try to get them to see and to get them to change so they wouldn't hurt you and they wouldn't hurt each


other cuz you cared about them yeah yeah that's why you didn't want them to hurt you didn't want them to hurt each other no they were good


people yeah yeah you could see their goodness there so many good things they did they they sacrificed so much they cared so much I didn't know what was happening inside their minds I didn't know how to help I thought I wouldn't want anything else for the rest of my life if that could be fixed and I was willing to go through everything to fix


it do you remember at the beginning of our session when shadu said that she just couldn't feel any emotions and that that was part of her struggle listen to the emotion that has come up now Sarah is what I call a wounded wounded are often inner children but basically wounded are the parts of us that feel powerless and helpless and hopeless and despairing or even angry and they need help or they want someone to fix it or else they've given up they just don't see that there's any point this is the part of shahu that is carrying this inordinate sense of responsibility for not being able to fix the conflicts within her family and she carries an immense amount of Shame as a result that something was wrong with her because she couldn't fix their issues this poor little girl is carrying so much on her shoulders far more than any child should ever have to bear for things she could never ever ever control you might consider if as a child you maybe unconsciously or consciously did some of the same thing as you saw the adults around you in their struggles their pain their addictions their abusive behaviors Etc and did parts of you form that wanted to change that for them and that might also still be acting up in some way unconsciously within you just like they're acting up within shahu


what did you think could happen if you were able to fix it we could discover how nice life could


be oh yeah we could find things to do together you could have things just be happy without also being


difficult we could make something of the time we had


oh life is so


short yeah why waste it yelling at each other why waste it arguing it could be friends we could be helping each other that would be a birthday award celebrating if I knew that it wouldn't happen again I threw the biggest party in the world


have you had birthdays in which there was a lot of conflict I


have it made me afraid of


them I didn't want them to


happen CU I knew something would go


wrong oh jeez they will be trying so hard to be happy and something would


happen we'd all go to bed


upset sometimes it wasn't even each other be getting mad at something out


there I can't control the


world yeah did it sometimes feel like they would just they'd have these big rows or these big disagreements but then go out in the world and act like oh everything's fine nothing's wrong yeah what was that like for you to watch them do that how did that


feel dishonest felt like we were


lying I was a little scared what if it came out


wasn't it wrong it it felt guilty yeah we have more important things to do shouldn't we put all our time and effort into fixing this I don't like this world but I have to lie so


much why do I have to lie with


you yes and why do I have to lie with you why should I have to pretend like you're all pretending why can't I tell the


truth I'm doing


now do you want to tell the truth oh I


am did that just give you Goosebumps too this little girl inside of shahu is saying oh I am I am telling the truth now inner children can be some of our most powerful truth tellers because they are the ones that often carry the pain of having had to keep secrets or having had to lie about realities in the world around them or having had to hide their feelings that child needs to feel like it can safely Express itself and it can be truthful in that so the fact that Sarah finally gets to speak her truth without fear of repercussions is huge and you can hear the power in that moment when she says oh I am o love it you might consider What secrets your inner children have felt forced to hide and what truths they need to tell in order to heal so let's hear now how Sarah feels being able to speak her truths and let's listen as she reckons with the fact that she could never change or control the adults around her she could never fix their conflicts and make them happy so how does this feel for you now Sarah to be telling the truth about was about what was actually happening it's a little scary my mind is with all these ideas of how it could go wrong


tomorrow it's also reminding me that I want to do it for a long time so it feels Brave


yeah it is very brave Sarah for you to be speaking the truth especially considering basically everyone around you is not saying the truth but you know what you're the brave one you're telling the truth even though it's scary


it was really frustrating to be trying to say hey don't you get it don't you get that this is not okay and they'd say no well no this is just what we do or no I have to speak this way and you're like but that's not true no you don't but they didn't want to see it that way they did they they couldn't I could see it in their eyes but they couldn't it just couldn't see another point of view sounds like that's really painful for you too to know that that they just couldn't why is that


painful because they were hurting so much and I couldn't do anything about it no matter how articulate or good I got it didn't matter I want them to have peace of mind to have peace of mind not be so


wounded yeah they did the best they could with what they knew


yeah you know what it also says to me it tells me how incredibly wise and loving and Powerful you are Sarah that you could see so clearly even when they couldn't you could see you could see it was obvious to you wasn't obvious to them but it was obvious to you which tells me a lot about how very wise and observant and loving you


are and also Sarah I have to say I'm so impressed that you worked so hard to talk to them as scary as that was that must have been terrifying but you still try you tried to get through to them that takes such incredible courage it's not your fault that they didn't get it at least you


tried you really think it was incredible even if it didn't work oh yes yes I really do I really


do and here's the thing and this is really hard but it's the truth you know no matter how hard we try and how much we wish we could make people be different


it's still up to them whether or not they do change if they if they don't want to see for whatever their reasons there's nothing we can do and it's so painful especially when you really care about that person how did you realize that about


people because I burned out out and practically killed myself trying and I finally had to I had to start taking care of me you know I had to start taking care of me and start focusing on myself and realizing this is what I finally realized that you know what by healing myself I was in a better position to help and heal others from a healthy place not from a place of trying to fix them or save them but from being able to sit and be present with them wherever they


were and you can be happy but not by trying so hard to make others


happy by doing what feels good and right for you so that you can feel happy and by you being happy you'll shine your beautiful light into the world brighter than


ever and by doing that you become that Beacon for others just by being you you inspire others to find that light in themselves that's how you can help others be


happy you aren't responsible for others happiness you're only responsible for your own and other people they are responsible for their happiness that's their job it's not yours it's their job that's why you couldn't do it because it was never your


job I was doing it because I cared right like you said yeah oh yes yes because you care you care so much and also I think because you believed that well if they could just be happy then I could be happy then they wouldn't fight on my birthday we start actually having a good time on my birthday because that's what we should be doing you're 100%


right yeah should have conflict should be banned at my bar today yes give me a break people right don't you don't you feel like you want to say that sometimes Sarah like give me a break people come on it's my birthday get over yourselves yeah yeah I mean come on let's do it go for it Sarah what what do you want to say what would you say to them you're supposed to be adults you're the Smart Ones what is this right you're acting like


[Laughter] babies I know you're better than this I've seen you be smart I've seen you be more loving I've I've seen you be so great why do this what happens to you all of a sudden yeah it's like a switch goes off and you can't control yourself anymore it doesn't help you you aren't happy anymore then you drag me into it yeah and then you drag me into it jeez you say I'm not supposed to be involved but that's a joke I'm always involved who are you kidding [Laughter] yourselves you're pretending that what you're doing doesn't affect me or or anyone else or that you can carry on you you're lying yeah it's not true yeah


you're not making sense to yourself anymore and you're you're acting like it makes sense and you're doing it very loudly but that doesn't make it true I love that you're doing it very loudly but that doesn't mean it's true just because you're yelling doesn't mean you're right yes it's it's what Calvin and Hobbs do in their comics Calvin said that if you can't win by reason go for volume you're not Calvin and Calvin is a


child he's a sixy


old he has an imaginary tiger and you're you're imagining all these


things an imaginary animal friend come on [Laughter] people you're just pretending to be adults that's what you're in costumes all of you you're just like play acting it's like cosplaying adults


yes just little kids and big bodies yeah it isn't what you read in the books it isn't what the teachers teach isn't what you teach me I don't know why you are like


this why can't we do the therapy or or do whatever would help and really help not just pretend to help I wish you'd listen to Everything I couldn't


say when a child has had to suppress their feelings and not been allowed to fully Express for fear of any number of things it's really important to give them that opportunity to fully express it without fear shame judgment anything and so this is all I'm doing here with Sarah is saying okay go for it say it but what's fun about this is that she ends up laughing at the whole situation which is a complete 180 from how she'd seen it before and all also if you listen to part two of the enna's session you might remember that she mentions Dennis the Menace I just think that's kind of funny that here shadu mentions Calvin and Hobs and how they both use comic strips as a way of illustrating and putting words to how they're feeling in this next section listen to how Sarah describes how she feels now now that she's been able to laugh about the whole situation and you'll actually probably hear in my voice quite a bit of surprise because I'm like huh but it's really really sweet no pun intended why she chooses to describe her feeling that way so how does it feel to say all of these


things like a


cake like a cake yeah it's like there's explain it's like there's a lot in it but it's also kind of like at the same time like a cake that rises in the oven there's a lot of serious ingredients in there but it doesn't feel heavy it's fluffy oh good good I don't remember feeling this way before like I could laugh about it all in a in an honest way I mean it's it's one thing to laugh at it to be cynical or just to put up with it or or just because there's nothing else you can do but it's different to laugh about it and mean it but I didn't think it was possible to do that and to feel better after doing it it it used to be so intense before


yeah thank you for giving me


company oh you're so welcome sweetheart happy to you're a sweetie I very much have enjoyed talking to you I just really appreciate that you did talk to


me I wanted that for a long time I would always value it if if someone offered and you offered me you were there and that means a lot to me I'll miss you a thank you take care of yourself Emily thank you I will you too so now that we're done speaking to Sarah let's go back to speaking with shahu and see how she feels now so how are you


feeling um a little shocked it's like I'm trying to believe that that happened that it was honest and real and


whole and I was present for all of it


and there's a separate feeling of of of


Happiness they're not connected but they're both there oh so it's bit weird having two different feelings at the same


time so surprise surprise and and


happiness didn't expect to cry so much


either haven't done that in a


while I didn't expect to find a way to laugh at all of that


yeah what came up with joy like a very very childlike kind of


Joy I didn't expect to find it but it was there and to be validated so much to be told that my truth was truth those were amazing they're very


powerful so I'm curious what does Sarah look like now you know I think I think she left the room and yes she was sitting against the wall before and okay feels like she found some toys and she went outside to


play


oh so do you see her now I mean could you draw her as she appears


now yeah I think she's in that happy scene I used to draw when I was a


kid oh this is a very funny cartoon of her jumping and my drawing skills are very basic [Music]


oh I think I'm done so what have you got there well she's jumping and waving at something that looks like a squid sitting under a tree there's just a squirrel and she's waving at it excellent and how's she


feeling okay she isn't worrying about anything before or anything after he's just super there that's so


nice so now that Sarah is feeling more free and just randomly waving at a squirrel I then guide shadu through a short script that helps Sarah feel valued and appreciated here's how Sarah responds how did she respond to hearing


that she laughed and she said don't call me a baby oh


awesome she's got some


Moxy she's happy it all comes


out so now the question is how can Sarah serve and support and play a role in shadu's life going forward and wow Sarah has some some absolutely amazing wisdom it's really quite wonderful the wisdom that these inner children have for us once they're free of their pain quiet she's quietly looking at


me what's the look


about I think she's trying to decide she should believe me well she thinks that like those adults around me I have problems I don't understand either she's hoping I'll handle them better and she can see that I


am does she want to play a role in helping you to handle them better yeah she wants to be close to me aha perfect when I do it are you good with that you want her to keep playing a role in your life


yes she's his family oh good I just want to be happy don't want to fail her I want to be in touch with myself I don't want to


constantly not know myself because in a world that's that's changing so much I'm My Own Center


because if I can be present for myself something I was having real trouble with then I can face the challenges I have without that I'm just


pretending I don't want to hide by blocking my


feelings because I think yeah I think a lot of us hide from that we feel we have to be something Something That We're Not Just just to exist in this world it's like we all need permission to be good and if we don't get the conditions to be that I love it if if I could give them the presence to be that for a while if they could just naturally drop into that when they're in my company they can feel inspired later that oh wow we felt so good then I mean wouldn't that be so cool if if everyone could feel that way world would be a better


place like to say what kind of presence you want to be and how you want to feel does she hear that she's sitting in the ground crossle looking at this guy thinking about it oh how's she feeling about it is she liking the idea AA of being a part of you being this presence and feeling this way she wants me to take care of myself she doesn't want me to be light to other people while burning myself out because she thinks if I do that then she'll burn out too uhuh that light is her light too M nice good this is some great wisdom she's giv you honey would you agree it is yeah it really is somewhere somewhere I'm determined to think of it like a zero sum game that I have to dim myself if I have to brighten others and to think instead that I have to light myself first to do that it's it's just a little surprising I maybe I need an analogy or something an


image maybe Sarah is the best image Sarah herself


oh okay because I can accept that for children if if they are happy they make everyone around them happy and it's like an invisible power they have it just happens but it happens when they're taken care of when they smile everyone wants to be their best self for them you don't do that by telling the baby to smile hard for everyone excellent yes right so she so Sarah is the symbol of this power of this Radiance this effortless Radiance for you so she this magic this magic yes how does she feel feel about being that for you she's just saying don't don't put me on a pedestal and get away from me don't don't make me this abstract Concept in your head some some formula or some rule or just this this process or this mechanical thing to do oh okay I'm very very human be connected even though it scares you wow how do you feel about that kind of Blown Away yeah that's so powerful it's like she knows things and I don't know how yep she sure [Music] does and she's saying to feel she's saying that this this connection between us


is it's a place of magic and I should take it as magic I shouldn't I shouldn't try to analyze it and she knows that's hard for


me what she's telling me it's true anyway and she's asking


me to find out how I can guide her to stay h I know her better so that this doesn't become a oneoff thing ah have to feel this magic and have it there every day for some


time even if it means pulling out my old magic kit really I love magic when I was a kid yeah wow that's why you heard the word so much I love it there's another idea that's that's coming to mind I think there's there's a piece of jewelry I can get and I'll try to get something that's meaningful to her too I think it's important that she choose the jewelry this time earlier the jewelry was was to hide was what what other people felt she should wear to turn that around to choose for herself like something custom made you know yeah yeah a nice pendant or something yeah I would love that so much and I've always LED loved stars on a background of purple I should look for something like that or or or get something like that made that would be really special that would be amazing and kind of like Sarah it's the secret fuel source I have for me yes and it won't run out it can't run out not that


way jatu said she doesn't want me to be a light to other people while burning myself out this is why Shu has gotten so blocked because this inner child was carrying so much pain from trying so hard to to be that light to affect that change to heal the people around her that she burned out such beautiful wisdom stop trying to be a light to others while burning yourself out and I recommend if I may that you take that with you too if you find that you're trying so hard to be a light to everyone else but meanwhile you're suffering or you're burning out you might be trying too hard to be that light for others rather than being the light yourself and inspiring others to find their own light within them also another beautiful tidbit did you notice how everything's come full circle with the jewelry the Sarah that she Drew in the beginning was wearing jewelry but that jewelry was oppressive that jewelry was a distraction that people didn't see her they saw the jewelry and now Sarah and shahu have reclaimed what that jewelry can mean for them that it's a reminder of their connection and their light and their own power how gorgeous is that so now it's time for Chu to do a final drawing and here's what she draws I actually started drawing before you were speaking I was throwing stars on that purple background I talked about and I was thinking about how to how to design that piece of jewelry maybe or or just imagine a sky like that uhhuh right I think I got it yeah what you got


there got the heart- shaped pendant okay like a double there's a big one with the small heart on top of it oh just right like holding a little piece of magic in my


hand it represents that the connection is there mhm and it doesn't need to be


hidden she'd be very proud of me for wearing something out there that that speaks to something so close to my heart I understand her better now and I want her to be happy just just for her own sake not because of of what I need for productivity or whatever that can handle itself remembering your sweetness and innocence and joy yes those things are sacred I don't need to go crazy looking for answers when they're already there


yes they are they always have been and they always will


be yeah thank you so much you are so so so


welcome your sweetness your innocence your your joy they are sacred and when we deny those consciously or unconsciously within us that's a recipe for Burnout when I work with high Achievers this is so often what I see when we allow the inner child inside us to heal that is when we discover wisdom Freedom Joy light cre creativity fun playfulness all those wonderful sparkly traits and parts of our personality that maybe we thought were gone for good but they never are they never are they're just stuck somewhere in struggle just like they were for [Music] Shu about 10 days after our session I caught up with chu about how she felt since we went through that experience she said actually it had been a roller coaster she'd had quite quite a few ups and downs she felt very pleasant the first few days after and very present like a whole new presence inside of herself like she had a second awareness and it was kind of awkward for a while because she said every time I went into any kind of dysfunctional Behavior I would notice immediately and feel uncomfortable and say hey wait a wait a minute what am I doing she said that was very interesting she suspected that the block had been damning up a lot of other emotions because a lot came up after our session anger sadness sense of betrayal some very uncomfortable emotions and she said that normally her tendency would be to isolate herself but this time she did not fully isolate herself she reached out to friends she let them know she was going through something and that she might not respond for a while and she said that those friends were there for her this intense period of emotion lasted for about 2 days but then then after that it turned into this sense of lightness like a safe sort of feeling high and she realized that those strong emotions had created that block in the first place because they weren't responded to she said I want to continue my healing in a way without having to Dam up all of that intensity so she started drawing her feelings instead of just writing them and here's something else she realized that Sarah was the name of her first doll it's so fun when the names that come up that these parts have actually have a deeper meaning that the person doesn't even realize at the time I asked her how she's feeling overall now and she says I feel okay I feel balanced I'm not trying to run away I feel here and that is my hope for all of us that we can all feel more present that we don't run away from our feelings that we don't run away from our pain because there's wisdom in those parts of us that carry that pain we heard that with Sarah and that's what this is about for us to reconnect with all of the parts that have fallen into darkness because they felt unsafe or because they believe that we were unsafe bring them back to the light to safety to wholeness to connection to Freedom I'm excited for chatu and I wish the same for


you you can see the drawings from this session at dark light truth.com if you enjoy dark light truth please give us a review and share about us on social media we would love this support and it helps us have a bigger impact if you want to learn how to draw out your own inner struggles take our free 45-minute course at community. changel light. world if you're interested in private sessions of the drawing out process with me go to changel light. world/ coaching if you'd like to receive training in the drawing out process please contact me directly at Emily at Chang lightworld the drawing out process is not therapy and I am not a licensed therapist I developed this work myself and I am its exclusive owner and guide whether you are a Seeker or practitioner please respect that this is my proprietary work and it must be properly LED in order for it to be fully effective do not try to do this process on your own [Music] thanks


[Music]


I said it before but you are


amazing thank you so are you so are you truly amazing

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