Here are Dora's drawings, the video, and the raw transcript from Episode 5 of the podcast DARK LIGHT TRUTH.
DRAWINGS
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VIDEO
TRANSCRIPT
it feels overwhelming and weirdly good to constantly be stressed out I don't know any other way of operating I've been this way for so long they selected and celebrated extremely high Achievers it felt natural for me to try to chase that even as I was burning out friends and family were like this doesn't seem healthy for you but I refuse to quit I'm on constant alert all the time I just don't know who I am when I'm not operating like
this um you know she's kind of she's a little bit running around in circles saying I don't have time to talk this recording was a a little Act of rebellion against frazzled Dora time for reflection and growth is not time that's badly spent and she forgets
that it's like you know all these these years of fighting my fighting myself and the answer feels so simple now it was all always
there I Emily eldrich and this is dark light Truth where we dive into people's Darkness reclaim their light and reveal their truth what you're about to hear is a real person going through an actual session of the drawing out process my seven step emotional healing technique in which we draw out talk with and fully heal an inner part or parts at the core of a person's struggle in every session there's a new inner mystery for us to solve compelling us to investigate who is the inner culprit causing the struggle why is it there and how is it trying to protect the person or itself once we hear its stories and its truths will'll heal it so that rather than hurting the person it can now help them live their highest most radiant truth every drawing out process session is filled with surprises epiphanies twists and turns we never know what we will encounter nor who it all depends on the world that formed within that person in reaction to their life experiences as well as what their inner wisdom deems is ready to heal once and for all listen closely because you never know hearing someone else heal their Darkness just might help you heal yours too join me now for my session with a very hardworking Portuguese American woman named Dora what you will hear is an edited version of her full 2hour and 45 minute session which she volunteered to record for this podcast let's listen as she describes her struggle with workaholism that brought her here today which we'll discover is fueled by much deeper fears than we are initially led to believe and which will ultimately teach us the incredible power that inner parts have in keeping us alive just so you know every participant in the podcast is required to take my free 45 5minute course during which they learn how to draw out an inner part Dora starts by describing something that she Drew out and we go from there what I ended up drawing was like a version of myself as a computer sitting on a desk um but like with my eyes like ex's like this computer is dead um and I I I chose that drawing it took me this was another thing that I like really worked on I was like I'm not sure like who who is what is inside me like what what do I need to come out and uh and I just started doodling and eventually I drew a computer and that that kind of clicked like that really made a lot of sense to me um because I
am how do I want to say this I have been taught that my my purpose in some ways you know like coming from um an immigrant family I think a lot of immigrant children feel this way you know because there's very much the like I didn't come to this country for you to not work hard you know I worked really hard you have to work really hard um and so I think I've been constantly taught my whole life that my purpose is to be productive you know be like an ant marching um and for me that really manifests is overworking myself and I don't feel like not to say I don't joy in my life or anything because I do but I feel like the vast majority of my life is overshadowed by my need to be productive mostly manifests itself as work um you know where I'm always available obviously this isn't just me this is I think generally culturally this is how a lot of people operate um but like always being available always wanting to be seen as um nice nice and productive and a good worker and like somebody that can be relied on and then in my personal life it manifests as like you know my poor husband because you know he just wants to relax on a Saturday afternoon and I'm like no we must meal prep for the week because I work so late every day that I don't have time to make dinner so if you want something like good for dinner we have to meal prep today so it Go gets in the fridge and there's like four things around the house that need to be fixed and I need to call the person and I need to do that thing and I need to run this errand and uh whatever um so there's just no there's just very little true Rest In My Life um and I have found that recently for the first time ever I have been oversleeping my alarm like oh I will wake up I actually woke up just two weeks ago I opened my eyes and I thought wow it's really bright in the room and I turned over and my alarm had been going off and auto snoozing for a full hour and I've never done that in my whole life I've never overslept my alarm like that um but it happened twice in the last month so I think I think I'm breaking a little bit here uh but yeah you use the word broken tell me about
that great
question I guess I use the word broken because I feel like the part of me that wants to slow down and recognizes not just once but like knows that I need to slow down and knows that I need to say no like it just feels like it doesn't function or it's like trapped behind something a wall the other part of Dora it's like trapped behind a wall where the other Dora operates and the other other Dora is like no shush that's that's not who I am even though like that part of me does exist and I I do want to like unlock that part and allow that part to to operate um so as you're saying this are you seeing that like could you draw that what what what you're seeing there even if it's Stick Figures it's totally fine yeah yeah I think I can draw
that okay all right I've got my little stick figures here good good all right what you got there uh so I drew uh a a brick wall and on the back side the left side of the wall is a version of me laying on a hammock with the sun smiling um waving like like come on come on over um and the other the Dora on the other side of the wall is a Dora with like crazy hair and crazy eybrows like sort of mouth in a scream um saying no must do all the things and is the wall tell me about the
wall well I mean it's uh I I didn't put much thought into the wall I just made a brick okay um you know logically I having this conversation and almost like taking a step outside of myself to to like hear myself talk I I I know logically that it's the wall is is is breakable you know all walls are breakable um I could go ahead and draw in a little hammer or Sledgehammer or bulldozer or something like the wall could be taken down but it feels like such a strong
like it just feels like such a strong presence like the wall is still stronger than me yeah and so I I don't yet have the tools to take it down to dismantle it what are what are the names of those different characters that you've
drawn and Trust whereever comes um
you know I am tempted to call like sort of the the frazzled Dora just Dora okay because that's that's how I've operated for for so long that like that just feels like who I am you know everybody knows me as like the person who gets stuff done as like the accountability partner you know so like this sort of frazzled Todo list person feels like me and the relaxing Dora on the other side of the wall feels like you know somebody that I've I've heard about and I feel like I know but like isn't really me exactly
and if this is okay if I can call it frazzled Dora and relaxing Dora and wall yeah okay because we need to call it a name other than you um and other than just Dora because that gets very confusing yeah so it appears that what we have here is two very opposite parts of Dora that are quite clearly at odds with each other represented by the fact that they are divided by a wall what are we going to do with these two let's see how this
goes do any of them feel like they need to speak or want to speak or have something to share and if not that's okay yeah I mean I can I can see relaxing Dora asking like why why don't you just hang out with me let's get to know each other you know why why don't don't you just just chill just take 20 minutes you don't have to give up a whole day you can you can watch one show and hang out on the couch doesn't make you a less of a person um you know that task on your to-do list nobody's gonna die if you don't do
it the house is not g to fall down if you don't add the extra Outlet in the basement or something fix you know whatever fix needs to be done yeah I'm just curious if as you were saying those things you felt in resistance inside you to what she was
saying I'm I don't want to say it was resistance but there's definitely
a you say it's that easy [Music] oh okay who was saying that frazzled Dora frazzled Dora okay so she was like haha yeah okay whatever sure that's exactly it yeah sure honey whatever does it sound like frora wants to speak yes okay um you know she's kind of she's a little bit running around in circles saying I don't have time to talk but she's reallying too I love it I love it per perfect so even though frazzled door claims she just doesn't have time to speak with me she's still agrees to speak Dora is awake and aware through the whole
conversation so I hear that you're running around you're super busy you're super frazzled and stressed out what's going on well there is there's a lot to do all the time the Todo list um no matter how many things you we check off keeps growing you know so it's basically in a condensative equilibrium I can knock four things off today and four things will find their way on there tomorrow so there is uh incentive to keep going um all the time and uh hopefully you know in 10 years I'll be able to rest a little bit more um once the sort of intensity of the my career building phase of life is over and I'm like you know a little closer to retirement in my 50s um but for right now there's just a lot to do so how does that feel tell me about how it feels to I mean I I'll just tell you like one of the words that comes to mind is overwhelming does that feel overwhelming like what are some of the emotions that come up for you fras Dora yeah overwhelming for sure sure uh but there's also a a sense of satisfaction maybe like a little bit of a SI satisfaction in constantly going um and you know pride in the overwhelm like I can still get things done and um you know nobody nobody can stop me nobody nobody can tell me otherwise I can do what I want to do so um it feels overwhelming and weirdly good to constantly be stressed out I don't know any other way of operating I've been this way for so long I mean it sounds like you're very almost like that's your identity is to be really really busy yes yeah that's a good way to say it definitely my identity is to be busy and that's how I've always marketed myself as like a good employee and a good coworker um you know you will find me doing things all the time and getting things done and you're never going to wonder if I'm slacking off or if I'm taking time off or not where I should be like you can rest assur that my number one goal always is to is to get things done yeah so then it's understandable too like well you know hey if I'm feeling good and I'm getting things done and other people are telling me I'm doing a good job why would I want to stop got to keep going right and you know I I don't want to I don't ever want my employer to have a reason to let me go or to think that they can't trust me um and you know I it also makes me feel like I'm in control of my own image and and uh how people perceive me so you know I I think that if it were between me and someone else who wasn't visibly working so hard um and putting in so many hours you know potentially I would be the one to stay if they had to let one of us go so it's it's a way of pro protecting myself and and controlling the outcome yeah I appreciate it frazzled door you said that it is a way of protecting yourself isn't it let me ask you this frazzled Dora are you aware of
Dora yes she tries to sneak up every once in a while ah okay and when we talk about Dora are we talking about um uh relaxing Dora or a different Dora yeah relaxing Dora slow down Dora yeah and what does she do what does she say she asks me whether whether the to-do list is actually important uh whether something actually needs to be done now what's the worst that's going to happen if I don't complete the things that I want to do whether it's at work or in personal life um she tries to make plans with family and friends um at really inconvenient times but you know I'm just going to come back home from those plans and keep on
working so what we have here in frazzled Dora is what I call a controller a controller is one of the three types of inner struggles that I've identified through the drawing out process but this controller is different from Harry the manhole cover in Josh's session whereas Harry was much more of a suppressing type of controller you know holding Josh down this one razzled Dora is really pushing Dora to work harder to never rest and notice also that she used the word control quite a few times she's really trying to control Dora and keep her moving keep her going in good stead with her employer and for other people to see her as responsible Etc so the question now is how when why did frazzled Dora first form within Dora
so I'm curious have you been this way forever or would you remember the first time you felt this way frazor like was there a moment or a period of your life when suddenly you felt like you needed to be this way just
curious um I think I've got sort of two points that I could talk about the first is I feel like I've generally always been kind of a high achiever always wanted to do do everything and be the helper be the doer even in my friend group because I don't drink you know my friends and I would go out even in in college and like I would be the designated driver even if I didn't want to be even if I didn't feel like driving my drunk friends home at night it like made me feel good to be the the doer and the helper at all times so much so that they bought me a designator driver hat literally said I am the DD on it and you know they would like make me wear it out at a bar you know the bartender would know oh you're the person who's like in charge of this drunk person got it um but I think that it got significantly worse when or more pronounced maybe it's a better way to say it when I became a teacher a high school teacher in 2004 because that program
really um celebrated they selected and celebrated extremely high Achievers who went above and beyond and it felt natural for me to try to chase that even as I was even as I was burning out in my even in my first year of
teaching and like so much so that friends and family were like are you sure you want to keep teaching are you like this doesn't seem healthy for you but I refused to quit and you know I stayed in the classroom for a few years for my commitment and in the end it was like oh I survived this was fine it was fine I survived and now I don't know how to not operate at a level that high and put that much pressure on myself at all times yeah what are you afraid would happen if you were to slow down which just what are some of your biggest fears I think that the actual biggest fear like I can list off lots of little fears that essentially culminate in I I just don't know who I am when I'm not operating like this and it would feel like I'm losing like an essential piece of me to not be this way or to minimize that piece of me that sounds like a really big fear where does that come
from it's it's very much a part of my
upbringing my my parents are like this too even in retirement they've not stopped working they both they're almost 80 they both continue working a couple days a week we we as all the kids like they're you know me and my siblings we all think that they should just go ahead and retire completely and move back to Portugal and spend literally the end of their lives having some some enjoyment with you know the family that's still alive they were there they were the youngest youngest of their own siblings and so lots of our my aunts and uncles have already passed and we want them to be able to enjoy that time with them they they left their family and they came to the US to give their kids a better life and so now they should go ahead back and give themselves the end of life that we see they deserve but they kind of they refuse and so seeing them just work really hard their whole lives even up to this point in their life at almost 80 just like that that's what was modeled for me that's the it's all I know it's all I've seen I can't you know my my siblings are are very much like this too so I can't
imagine any other way of being also I would ask frazzled Dora do you see did you see your parents receiving positive feedback from others for their constant doing doing doing in other words did the people around them see them as successful and reliable and all those things yeah our family you know back in Portugal definitely sees them as a successful American part of the family they were able to send some Us doll back in the early 90s when the Portuguese economy was was crashing before Portugal adopted the Euro they built a nice house you know just using their American dollars and that was like a really big deal to be able to do that do you feel that pressure like well I have to do my own thing I have to have my own legacy I have to work really hard and be just as successful um to validate or make them feel good for having worked so hard to help me and create this life for me yes yes 100% And especially since I'm the only one who didn't have children my parents very much saw me as a little bit of a of a black sheep and questioned whether I was like truly fulfilled and so it's easier to show that I am with being successful in other ways I see so it's like there's a lot to prove frazzled Dora yeah well so is there anything else that you want to share frazzled Dora any other thoughts or feelings or stories realizations [Music]
anything I feel like I am just constantly being reinforced by by everyone and you know when when relaxed Dora when slow down Dora comes out you know people people may say go for you like boundaries and self-care are good but that's not really the side of Dora that actually gets celebrated or
recognized so what I'm hearing in that is the desire and the need to be celebrated and recognized for others to really appreciate you and value you yeah so what we've been hearing from frazzled Dora is that Dora's work ethic comes from the people around her the pressure she's received from the validation she's also received for being such a hard worker and getting the positive strokes but also as kind of an overcompensation for the fact that she didn't have children at the same time though Dora's workaholism has been badly impacting her relationships and her mental emotional well-being so the question is is frazzled Dora ready to let this go it sounds like gosh you've been working so hard for so long long yeah I feel like I have thank you yeah do you want to keep doing this [Music] forever
no so just for fun even if it feels so foreign to you like how would you rather feel what would you rather do if you weren't just constantly going going
going I would rather feel
like I had more of a balance like I'm not always kind of fighting with myself on how to use the little time I have during the day and to give myself a little bit of even occasional permission to stop stop communic ating with work you know at five yeah like have healthier have more time to myself yeah and if you were to feel okay having that time frora like what would feel good for you like oh how would I spend that time it feel so good Pro probably sleep nap occasionally okay yeah na okay yeah I right now so I my really single hobby I guess I have two Hobbies one is is reading and I I read and I listen to audio books U my other hobby is like running and yoga and right now I kind of have to like even though I I love doing both of those things I like fight myself to get up at like 5:30 6: a.m. every day to to make sure I get that run in or to get the yoga in and I would probably give myself permission to do those things in the afternoon instead you know um because if I weren't trying to be so productive all night whether work or personal I would maybe be able to go out and do six miles which is only an hour like one hour is in a huge ask of time I can do that in the afternoon and maybe let myself sleep in a little bit or have a more leisurely morning maybe take actually take a class like I've always wanted to learn martial arts maybe I could finally take a class because all those classes are are in the evenings and I never do them because I don't stop working in time okay wow how does that feel when you think about that great it feels truly it feels impossible possible like I don't even okay I don't even know how to not like I said I don't know how to not be this way and so it just feels like a big dream so after a bit more conversation with frazzled Dora it continued to feel as though she wasn't quite getting there she really just wasn't ready to let go of this job so I thought you know what why don't I go back to talking to Dora because here's the thing sometimes from my perspective I'm feeling like we're not really getting anywhere but then when I go back to talk to the person they'll say oh wow I had some incredible epiphanies and that actually shifts were happening without me even being aware of them so I figure let's talk to Dora again and see what's going on with her how how are you
feeling feel I'm feeling a little bit emotionally drained y yeah tell me about that a lot of of Revelations ah yeah I mean I guess uh on some level I've I already knew a lot of these things and I've recognized them but just never had the chance to I don't I felt these things is is what I should say I felt these things but never articulated or really like put those words and feelings outside of myself I know that it's it's
unhealthy for not just for me but for like my relationships to constantly operate on such a high level of go go go you know like I lose out on on quality time with with my my
husband um because instead of spending time instead of spending true quality time with him he's like running errands with me or I'm leaving him behind so I can run an errand or I'm making a solve solve problems instead of instead of just enjoying our time together I am not the best version of me at
work I when I was interviewing for my new job and they asked what was what you know what what are some of your strengths and what are some of your weaknesses I could I could honestly say you know my biggest weakness is that I I work too much which sounds so ridiculous and cliche but like no truly I work so much to the point that I am burnt out and miserable and that's not good for the people that I work with and it's not good for me
and on some level saying no I have to understand that saying no or saying I don't have the bandwidth for that or what do you want me to rep prioritize in order to do that for you like that's not going to actually cause me to lose my job and yet I don't say those things I just keep saying yes and then I work until 9 or 10 every day and I'll work all day
Saturday and give
up time free time that I might have
had in order to to please somebody who's not me and then in like a sick way I tell myself it's a way to please me and my myself because I'm being so productive but actually like I feel tired and
miserable
yeah in a way it feels like I'm
squandering the choice to to be childree you know like so many of my friends obviously are so they're so happy to be moms no matter how exhausted they are no matter how much of a burden it can be like all but one of them had told me that like this was the right life choice for them and whatever time they lose to figure out hard things related to their kids is totally worth it and instead of instead of
enjoying the theoretical time that I was giving myself to bring myself joy in other ways I'm not I'm just adding more work and problem
solving and yeah work in problem solving to my
plate like I'm cheating myself in a way out
of out of Joy okay um you know you drew before the frazzled Dora and the wall and relaxing slow down Dora I'm curious um how that appears to you now what does it look like has it changed at all frazzled Dora feels a little less frazzled maybe and is looking a little more beat down a little worse for the wear okay yeah do you want to redraw her yeah the whole scene it's up to you whatever feels good for you okay what you got there so in Le of the previous frasal Dora I drew Adora whose hair is still frazzled who still has sort of lightning bolts coming out of the top of her head uhuh uh but instead of like a mean screaming face face it's more like a resigned like long frown closed
eyes I didn't redraw relaxing door though does she look any different no she's still back there like
hey she's still chilling she's still in her hammock like waving yeah it doesn't need to be this way is what she's trying to say over the
wall so what I'm always listening for in an inner part is that they're more calm open and receptive to a new way of being so the fact that frazzled Dora isn't you know running around and just continually working and going crazy is actually a good sign unfortunately she's just resigned though she's not quite there yet she's not entirely happy with this new possible way of being but you know what let's just take her through the next couple of steps and see what
happens you know her intentions have been good so how would it feel if I were to guide you to thank frazzled Dora for what she's been trying to do for you that be okay sure I mean yes and also like I'm hesitant to thank her because it's been it's too much because it's too much okay so okay thank thank you so much for saying that so here I'll
explain it's thanking her for what she's been trying to do for you so it's not like thanks for overwhelming the [ __ ] out of me no it's like I you know thank you for what you've been trying to do and acknowledging how hard she's worked that's basically what I'm going to guide you to do okay so normally I don't include much of the thank step but it turns out that what dora says to frazzled Dora is pivotal in revealing the deeper more profound reason why frazzled Dora has been doing this job and has thus far refused to fully Let It Go
go your persistence to keep going has helped me through some some pretty rough times when I was feeling like I didn't know if I wanted to even live anymore so thank you for helping me get through that those periods
too wow I just want to stop for a moment and acknowledge what you said where she actually in some ways helped keep you alive through some tough stuff yeah there were times
when just waking up and knowing I had to live through that day was
impossible and so you know finding a therapist was something that she put on my to-do list and getting on anti-depressants so wow amazing yeah she saved your life
yeah so did you hear what I just heard that frazzled Dora has been doing far more than just giving her significance and helping her get validation from her parents and from others frazzled Dora saved Dora's life when she was suicidally depressed and I just want to take a moment right now to point out that a lot of times when it comes to things like workaholism the way people can tend to approach it is well I just need a time management course or I just need to go to a spa and relax for a while but unless those deeper fears are addressed the cycle will continue that's why it is so incredibly important that we get to the core fears and core beliefs and core issues that fuel these behaviors within us so now that this truth about frazzled Dora has been revealed let's take her through the explain step and see what you think about whether or not frazzled Dora sounds like she's done
yet how' she respond to
that with uh you'll be back with what you'll be back like she's saying that to you yeah you'll be back to me
oh so tell me what she means by that
that uh despite my my best efforts in the past I have always gone back to rely on how she operates oh interesting you know so kind of a we've been here before Oh so she's didn't really take it seriously what you said she's like yeah yeah okay right exactly so she's not really believing it and um let me ask you this how are you feeling are you not believing it either or are you genuinely like no I really am ready to to start a new phase
here I really I really want to start a new phase really really really like just you know when we you and I first discussed this this recording you know know at first I was like yeah that sounds great of course like I would love that and then when I saw that it was a three-hour commitment you know plus the pre-work I was like oh no yeah there's too many other things I need to do uhuh so this was this was a little Act of rebellion against Dora okay TI for reflection and growth is not time that's badly spent and she forgets
that these parts cause problems for us usually because they'll take us over like they take control over us instead of you being in control and I'm not saying controlling them but that it's you you know you're making a conscious choice so like for example there may be times when it's like yeah I got to put my nose to the grindstone I got to work really hard but at the same time I can choose I have full control over whether or not I work really hard or whether or not I choose to relax and hang out with my husband you see but up to now she's been the one in control yeah like wouldn't it be nice to just sort of like feel like you want to work hard when you want to work hard yeah and honestly hearing you say that is like whoa it never even occurred to me that that would be an option okay right well she's been a very big very powerful very Present part of you for a very long time yeah but she she she is not who you are she is a part of you that's a freaking awesome part of you but who's been overworking she's been over overactive and actually overreactive yeah it just gets tiring and I know that my intention is always nope we're going to hear that part of you so it's not a compulsion for you anymore it's more of a this is a now a part of your power as opposed to something you have to manage yeah yeah I like the I like that I like that yeah and you did you notice how you went no I didn't even realize yeah it's a lot of what I listen for it's a good sign it's like yeah that's what I like good good this is
wonderful so I asked d a few more questions and her answers really solidified for me that no frazzled Dora was not done doing her job just yet usually when this happens when an inner part has already gone through most of the steps of the process and yet it still hasn't let go of its job or its feeling or its behaviors that indicates to me that there's something that it hasn't yet shared that it needs to share or maybe that it needs to hear in order for it to fully release and be at peace so the person can be at peace so I asked Dora if I could go back to talking to frazzled Dora and she said yes so here's frazzled Dora again as always Dora is fully awake and aware through our whole [Music] conversation so I hear that you've been like you know watching the proceedings and paying attention to what's going on what are your what are your thoughts about things well my thoughts are
that
madora um has tried to find balance before and has made changes in her life to
keep me at at Bay and to not let me take
over but
she has consistantly fallen back into needing
me and so I'm not convinced yet that this is the time that she's going to make a different decision when this conversation's over so I'm just curious like how does it feel for you when that pattern happens like do you like seeing her get out of balance do you like seeing her you know fall back into that old pattern
again no frankly it's exhausting for me too because I have to be constantly on I have to be constantly on yeah so it sounds like you feel like you've had to pick up the pieces a lot yeah yeah it's kind of like I'm I'm on constant alert all the time I feel like I'm in a a constant battle with her yeah what are you afraid would happen if you weren't here to pick up the pieces probably that she would just kind of break down back into depression like she used to be like she used to do yeah and you don't ever want her to fall back into that again is that true yeah that's true you were really there for her you know you kept her alive yeah it's a really heavy job to have to do yeah it it was very he very heavy that's that's accurate it was not a fun job to do is there something that Dora could say or do to help you feel more safe relaxing into a new role of just being there to support her but not feeling like you have to take over like what would help you feel better and reassured if I saw that she was
making healthy decisions for
herself so what's an example of a healthy decision in your
mind like going just saying no to things when her initial gut reaction is to say no oh interesting and to just I think say no more in general and not obsess and stress over making even the smallest decisions because not every decision is that important that she stresses about every decision you didn't use the word boundaries but almost like set some boundaries like she can say no it's okay for her to say no to things yeah and also to not feel like every decision is like a life or death you know make or break her life decision yeah yeah you know what's interesting about that frazor is actually I'm hearing that you both want the same things it seems so and and you know what I have to say falor I loved one of the things you especially loved one of the things you said and that was I want her to trust her gut when she feels that she should say no to something is that what you said that's right she doesn't trust her own decision making skills even when she's made it this far and it's been just fine so just for fun just to get even more specific like what's one thing like really specific it could be small thing that she could do that to you it would be like yes good she's trusting herself like it's like something maybe specific in her life right now that she might have been struggling with or yesterday she actually made a decision where she trusted her gut and made a really difficult request um for her own well-being like she asked she she told somebody at work that she just couldn't do a thing that was asked of her and she just said sorry that's just it is not possible and where whereas before she would have always just said yeah I'll do it I'll get it
done oh okay so how did that feel for her and how did that feel for you quite frankly it felt relieving for the both of us because now I don't have to figure out a way for her to get things done this extra thing done oh my gosh so that worked for both of you yes that's fabulous were you so proud of her in that moment yes because she had been struggling with how to make that request how to how to say this
thing so how are you feeling in terms of like her trusting her ability to actually move forward in a new phase in which she can do what's right for her and make good decisions for herself I mean she might make mistakes sometimes that's okay but generally like do you feel more trusting of her that yeah she can she can do this you believe in her yeah I've seen her make a a couple decisions lately that are pointing in the right direction um and so I think that she's start finally starting to to come around to to not needing me to be her autopilot
and how are you feeling are you feeling more relaxed or is there anything still bothering you that's kind of going oh I don't know if I can quite let go control just yet just just checking to see how you're feeling um frazzled Dora well I am the I'm the part of her that helps her maintain
control so letting go of control is definitely a chall challenge for
me is there anything you feel that you could do that would feel good for you in terms of ways that you're like oh I could do this I could help her do that I could support her in this way this would feel good and you and that wouldn't wear you out because remember we also don't want you to get worn out either right I wanted to trust herself trust in her decision- making skills um to not uh feel like every decision she makes is going to be a right or a wrong decision um like her decisions are just her decisions and those are like next steps that she takes in her day-to-day life and it's okay to not worry about
them yeah like does she feel it when something's
right yes but she's also been trained to not trust herself okay is it per certain people who've trained her or like are you part of that um yeah you know I I became part of that because people in her life made her feel that way and so when she turned to me I guess I kind of reinforced it ah okay okay yeah are you going to keep doing that though no no okay well thank you for spending this extra time with me frazzled door is there anything else you'd like to share I don't think so um I think it's it's time for for me to finally take a step back good yeah thank you for your help you're so welcome you're so welcome
so did you hear the request that frazzled Dora made she wants Dora to set boundaries and Trust herself and honor her intuition and follow through on what it's telling her and yet what's so surprising and counterintuitive about that is that frazzled Dora is the one who's been undermining those things within Dora frazzled Dora is the reason why Dora's not trusting herself not honoring her own boundaries working past the point of exhaustion not trusting her own intuition and frazzled Dora even acknowledges that you know that she's been kind of part of the problem but that's why it's so important for us to get to the core of why these parts exist and what they really want for the person which is often wildly contrary to the way they're behaving and the impact they're actually having on that person so this is classic for a controller that the way frazzled Dora has been behaving and treating Dora is having exactly the opposite effect of what frazzled Dora ultimately wants for Dora so we go back to talking to Dora and see if you notice any change in frazzled Dora as a result of our second round of conversation with
her when you see uh the scene the fresadora and relaxing Dora like what's there now what's going on I think the Wall's going to start coming down out of necessity to all three
Doras um yeah I think I will need relaxing Dora to process all of this today oh what's going on with her she's just chilling she's just waiting yeah that's her whole point that's the whole point I've been here the whole time and uh you kind of keep ignoring that I exist but I'm here what does frazzled door look
like um she's lying down right now
okay she's what's that giggle about she's finally she's finally taken a rest
y yeah yeah good have you drawn her do you want to draw her if she appears now
yeah my husband and I uh have a joke that whenever something is really relieving like we hear good news about something we've been worried about or whatever if we're really exhausted we just lie down exactly in the spot where we're at even if it's like the middle of the kitchen floor oh I love it and that's RoR is doing she's lying down exactly in the spot in which she was oh that's great eyes closed that is great and her hair is not as
frazzled is she is let me make sure she is she feel like she's done with her job yeah I think so okay she's not gonna suddenly like jump back into trying to you know save the day no and and if she tries you know it's I think I feel better equipped to to tell her tell her it's okay take a step back you chill can go back to lying on the floor yeah so like what is a way that would feel good for you it's always got to feel good for you but what's a way that would feel good for you that she could you know maybe bring something to your attention or you know just convey some wisdom some insights that she has just like a a a gentle a gentle reminder um you know that she's here she exists and not like a a takeover mhm yeah
okay now that fraza Dora has finally left let go of her job and is laying flat on the floor it's time to take Dora through the final step of the process which is to do a final drawing that shows how maybe this part or she or other parts have transformed and what dora draws H just melts my [Music] heart I think I'm going to go ahead and keep raal Dora on the ground um um but I'm gonna have relax Dora be bringing a little blanket and
pillow I love it a thank you that's so sweet okay oh so like relax Dora is taking care of frazzled Dora yeah yeah oh my God that's so precious okay she's got her little she's got a little pillow and a blanket
now
wow I think that's the first time that's ever happened in a session oh really yeah like where one has come along at least certainly in that way like laying a blanket and like you know like where one is come along and been like okay I'm going to take care of you now that's so precious yeah I think that's ultimately the the learning here for me is that uh you know the one is not a lazy version of me or anything it's really just there to take care of all parts of me remind me that all parts of me need to be taken care of how does that feel having that realization man it's like you know all these all these years of fighting my fighting myself and they answered it feels so simple now it was always there she just wants to take care of me yeah you know all these parts have been trying to take care of you the best way they could the best way they knew you know so now they're just learning a new way or at least foras Lora is it sounds like relaxing slow down Dora already she's such a lovely caretaker and that's she's now she gets to do her job yeah you know without any push back so yeah I think so it's [Music] beautiful thank you this was really really nice I'm looking forward to making healthier decisions for [Music] myself what a journey yeah
[Music] about a week after our session I caught up with Dora to find out how she and frazzled Dora and relaxing Dora were doing Dora said you know I really didn't know what to expect from the session I didn't know what was going to come out I've been in standard therapy for so many years I've already worked through a lot so I wasn't sure what I would talk about but then we had a very fruitful 3-hour conversation that in 5 to six years of therapy it's never occurred to me to say any of those things Dora said it was truly really really cathartic it really brought big things out of me she said that our session accelerated the release of this burden she was carrying of the responsibility of work and she realized you know it's time to Let It Go not be responsible for for everything I can be responsible for my own things but I don't need to add things to my plate to feel useful and productive because I already am and sadly from where I sit too many of us have frazzled Doras inside of us pushing to work ourselves to the Bone maybe you're one of those people I definitely used to be but the reality is that it's not healthy for any of us as much as these controllers can fuel our success they can also sabotage it and they can cause us to never feel fully satisfied with who we are and what we do only when we really get to the core reasons why and heal those parts that's when we can experience this peace inside that we are enough and we are doing enough just as we
[Music] are if you'd like to see the drawings from this session go to darklight truth.com and scroll down to the drawing section if you want to learn how to draw out your own inner struggles and strengths you can take our free 45 minute course in our free changel light Community simply go to community. changel light .or where you can also discuss episodes of dark light truth in a safe supportive space and get my insights about them if you are interested in going through the drawing out process privately with me over the phone or in person go to changel lightworld coaching if you'd like to apply to go through the drawing out process for this podcast please apply at changel light. worldapp if you enjoy dark light truth please post a review and share an episode with your family and friends this raises our ratings and enables us to help even more people dark light truth was recorded on riverside. FM and edited with Garage Band the music is from tribe of noise and sound stripe I especially want to thank my parents Susan and Link Eldridge and my husband Paco Torres all of whom have been incredibly loving patient and wise mentors for me in my work the drawing out process is not therapy and I am not a licensed therapist I developed this work myself and I am its exclusive owner and guide whether you are a Seeker or practitioner please respect that this is my proprietary work and it must be properly LED in order for it to be fully effective do not try to do this process on your own [Music] thanks you know when when you start a conversation like this you don't exactly know where it's going to end so yeah I'm with you yeah it's fun it's an adventure it's a discovery it's I mean there's just so much richness inside of you