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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello, hello, and welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. With ChangeLight the founder and CEO, as well as the Creator of the ChangeLight System, where we do in our work, to accelerate your power to make a difference, to shine your brightest like to be the best presence you can possibly be for yourself and for the world around you.
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So today's topic is, Are you too much?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Oh, boy, let's just say that I have dealt with this a lot within myself.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I've also dealt with this a lot with my clients. There's this feeling of being too much. There's this fear of being too much
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in my experience a lot of times. That is a feeling that people have, because they are made to feel that way as children, because somebody told them that they're being who fill in the black so it can be too loud, too emotional to obnoxious.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: trying too hard to get attention. That was something I got all the time when I was a kid, I was told, you know. Stop trying to get attention like you're you're too annoying. You're you know, or too much energy. You're just too much
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so, Tony, to yourself, and see if this is something of which you've been accused or criticized, or been told that that's what you are made to feel that you're too much of something.
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I I would be surprised. Let me put it this way. I will just say that in my experience the people who come to me at least, and this this applies to me as well. It's who've come to me with this feeling. And this sense of you know, insecurity about, or even anger about being told that they're too much of something. It's usually like too emotional. Obviously I work with people's emotions. So a lot of times I get a lot of clients Who? Where? That's the thing where it's like. Well, they were told they're too emotional, or they're too sensitive, or they're hyper
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sensitive
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or over, reacting over reactive scenario or reactive, or also like too much in terms of like your personality. Something about your personality is too much, I can tell you for myself that I was told that a lot growing up, or at least made to feel that way. And so I did a lot over the years of tamping down, trying to reduce.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: trying not to show all that trying to ultimately ended up. You know, I ended up dimming my own light, and it wasn't until I and I think I share this. I don't know what a previous episode, but until I read the line up might have been the last episode where I've read the line of. There was nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that others don't feel insecure around you. Is that what I what I realized when I read? That is that I've been shrinking and dimming my light, because basically my light, my my
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presence, my whatever my certain behaviors, you know they may that triggered the other people's insecurity. And so they would then lash at me and say, Well, you're being too much, or I made them. You made them uncomfortable like I was being inappropriate, and I will totally open it sometimes as a kid. It wasn't always appropriate, not not in a sort of like crazy, awful like sexual way, or something like that, I mean just generally like maybe I was kind of loud in a moment when it would have been more appropriate
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to be quiet and calm, and you know, morose. Okay. But the point is, though that was a constant message in my upbringing, and it might have been in yours as well in various different forms. So you know the question of Are you too much, I think, is an important one, especially for those of us who carry that fear, and especially
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: if it's caused us, if that fear of being too much of thinking that we're too much, or being told that we're too much, is causing us to dim our light, as you know, if you've seen my previous episodes, you know I am all about shining your light. I am all about being the most radiant bright person in presence. You can possibly be, whatever that looks like for you. Right? You don't have to be on stage and screen, you know, being like that. It's it's whatever that feels like when you really feel like you're in your power, and you're shining your own
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Truth and light. It's whatever that feels like for you. However, that shows up for you, so it may show up very differently for me than it does for you. But the point is that I think that if if that fear is causing you to to tamp down on your own, like to dim your like, to darken it, to shrink.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to quote that line again, to shrink so that others will don't feel insecure or uncomfortable, or whatever right fill in the blank. Let's play mad with here right so that others don't feel blank around you. Fill in the blank
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: fill in the blank. So, whatever that is for you, fill in those blanks for yourself and decide, you know. Am I doing that? Am I shrinking? Am I dimming my light, and just notice what those 2 blank? What comes after, you know, 2 in this situation. What is that for you? So for me it's too emotional for me. It's too loud, too much singing, trying to hard to get attention, etc. I was. I was derided for that a lot, but in my case i'll just say what was interesting, and I would
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I don't get into like what or you're too much, or like what even to do with that. But I just want to share a quick little story, too, that kind of popped into my head right before doing the show which is made me think about this, as I was sharing with a group of people recently, people with whom I really trust that I was constantly derided
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and denigrated. For you know your, you know, stop trying to get attention, You know basically you're too much. You're too loud and too energetic to this.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so I was constantly. I felt I felt as a child hammered on it like just tamp down calm down, you know. Just get smaller because you're being your Your bigness is making us uncomfortable. And so I said how it was interesting because something happened, and I was in this group of people, and I was singing, but I wasn't I was singing well. Other people were having conversation, but I wasn't trying to intrude on their conversation. I was just like enjoying a song.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: singing it, and then at some point they stopped, and one person said.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know I I I I like.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Apparently there was a comment that it was like, you know. I guess i'm like wants us to pay attention to her, and I said in the moment, I see, you know, I said. You know that actually triggered me. I wasn't accusing at all. I just you know i'm just have to notice that triggered me, because that's what I was constantly accused of growing up like over here, just trying to get attention.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And what was lovely about one of the other people said a little bit later on to me, is.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, and I said, no, I promise I wasn't. I was just enjoying the music. I was just singing, and you know, and if anything, I was trying not to get in the way of your conversation.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But what was lovely about what one person later said was, she said, You know so what if you were trying to get attention
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: like what's wrong with that? And I love that she even like brought that up as a possibility like what if there's nothing wrong with that, you know. So what if you were? You know you're not hurting anybody.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it was such a free thing for me, and I actually need to tell this person that it was really helpful, because I thought.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: yeah, like, Why am I the worst person in the world if that's what I was doing, which I know that's not what I was doing. But even if I were.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: why is that so awful? So you know again, with your fill in the blacks too loud, too annoying to a sensitive to whatever. Okay, so what if I'm: emotional? Okay. So what if I'm Loud in this moment? Okay. So what if i'm not trying to hurt anybody, then? Okay.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that was a really wonderful thing to for me. Took away some of that sting that I carry for so long about, you know, Basically, making it like it's the worst thing in the world for you to want any attention for yourself like that was terrible.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so when she said, Well, so what if you were? It was like.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Yeah.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: if I was like I'm not wearing anybody. What if I didn't want to be her in my singing? What if I did want something from that moment? Okay, big deal. So that's all. By way of saying that there was a nice
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: reminder for me about you know, whatever the 2 is too much to this. So what
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: right? So what if you're Some other people think that you're too emotional, or you too loud, or you're too aggressive, or you're too what have you
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that there it's okay. In my opinion, is I i'm saying it's okay. As long as it's not hurting anybody right, I mean. Sometimes there is too aggressive. Sometimes there is too loud. Sometimes there is too emotional. If your emotions are actively hurting other people like drawing to hurt other people, or if it's having a really negative effect.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when, in fact, you could actually be processing your own emotions rather than let's say lashing out of other people. Okay, just giving some examples. And so that made me think about. You know when we think about something, you know, if you're if you're really questioning like, am I too much? And and when is some behavior too much?
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And here's Here's what it broke down into for me
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is I always like to look at what's fueling the behaviors. Okay. So in that moment, let's say, when I was singing, what was fueling my behaviors. It. I love the song.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I feel like singing, I mean like really. It was one of my favorite songs ever, and I wanted to sing, and I wanted to really sing, and I was trying to be respectful of the people in the front of me who are having a conversation. But I also just really, you know I wasn't I was trying to do both. It's like, enjoy the song and enjoy my singing of the song, but at the same time be respectful of them. And
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it it it. The point is, what was fueling. That was nothing negative on my part. If anything, I was trying really hard to honor the situation, while at the same time honoring my own desires in that moment that we're hurting anybody.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so it's a matter of asking yourself, okay. So what is fuel in my behaviors, you know. Is it insecurity? Is it fears? Is it, you know, trying to? You know, change someone else's behavior. Is it trying to too hard to protect myself? In other words, you look at what that maybe when you've been taught that you're too much of something, or you're made to feel that way, or someone says that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, I I would say, just okay.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: ask yourself what is feeling this behavior, and
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I would say that in terms of for me in that moment.
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Okay, I'm going to be really honest in that moment, as i'm sitting with it.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What was fueling it for me was genuine.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: pure enjoyment, and really wanting to just sing and not be worried about it because I've been worried about it all most of my whole life, because I've been shamed for enjoying, for singing and for enjoying, singing, and so for me. And that moment is I just want to feel free to do this and not worry about it.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And there was, I would say, I would acknowledge it, probably a small part of me. It was like hoping that someone would be like, Wow, you have a great voice.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Okay. So I wanted maybe some attention from it, or maybe some like acknowledgment or some compliments. But if it didn't happen in that moment, that was okay. So I wouldn't say I was trying really hard to get that. But I was like it would have felt nice. Okay. But sometimes we do have behaviors that are fueled by
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: some kind of insecurity or negativity within us.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and in that case, then I would say with someone saying or making you feel like you're too much. That might be good information to recognize. Maybe you're violating someone's boundaries. Maybe you are being, you know, hurting someone with those behaviors. Or maybe it's not appropriate for the moment. Okay. So I just want to just just acknowledge that sometimes our behaviors can be causing us to behave in an appropriate ways, or behave in ways that are actually hurtful, even if they're inadvertent.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or or to
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: just to have a negative effect in some way or another, and therefore and and then to look at what it is that's actually causing us to behave that way, and then I would say, heal the wounds
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that are fueling those behaviors heal the insecurities, heal the traumas, heal the fears heal whatever is going on inside of you, so that
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they too much what other people might call too much
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: isn't coming from a a place of insecurity or fear, but it's actually coming from a place of. And this is where I would say, this is the healthy, too much coming from a place of joy.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: coming from a place of freedom coming from a place of peace, coming from a place of shining. Your light coming from a place of fearlessness. So that's where I would say. There's unhealthy too much that it's a matter of parsing it out internally and going. Where is it really coming from? You know, just receiving the feedback and being like, okay. Maybe this is because of insecurities. Or maybe this is because I am. You know, I've got a lot of rates that I need to work on. But then, if there's parts of it that really does have to do with your personal power
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and your light and your Truth, and someone might be telling you in that moment. You're too much this you're too much that you know. What if it's coming from
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: light, Truth.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: power, joy, this, the purity, the pure essence of you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Then I would say, it's not too much, and you're not too much. And so that's what i'm encouraging in a very wordy way
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is to really so. Many of us have been taught that we're too much, and to parse it out then internally, and be like. How much of that is true.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: how much of it is other people who've diminished us because they're threatened by our light, and how much of it is because well, maybe we've got some rooms that we need to heal
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to help us. Be more calm and whole and at peace within ourselves, so that we have healthy boundaries, so that we have healthy emotional states, so that you know just again throw on the blank there.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So it's just something I want you to consider. I am. I would say that in my experiences with my clients who have said that they've been accused of being too much of this or too much of that, that a lot of times that at those accusations of too muchness, usually they've been
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: accusations or criticisms of a part of the person that's actually a part of their true essence. It's actually a beautiful part of their power. So emotionality. You've heard me talk about how I've been accused of being too sensitive to emotional that actually I discovered by embracing my emotions. It turns out they're parts of my superpower, and then i'm able to work with them in a more healthy way. So that's one thing to recognize that. Well, I was accused of being too much of this, but actually it was a reflection
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of their insecurity and my true power. And they're trying to whatever, with my power or their insecurity, you know, projecting on to me, or whatever it was, or the same thing with like, when I was accused of trying to get too much attention. It's like
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I in my hard parts at the time when I was being accused of that As a child I just genuinely feel like I was just being me. I was just being joyful. I wasn't trying to get attention. And so that's why it also hurt so much to be accused of that, and to be maligned in that way like have negative
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in motivations and intentions projected on to me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that's what was really really hurtful there.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So, anyway, it's a long way of saying when it comes to argue too much. If it's coming from your light, from your Truth, from your Po. It's not too much.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Okay.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's something to look at within yourself where you've been accused of being that way, or made to feel that way. And how much of that is, you know insecurity fears, you know, whatever other things that might be going on within you. But how much of that could actually be from your Truth and from your light, and how much and how can you allow yourself to truly let go of those ideas of being too much of this, or too much of that, or to this way or to that way, and really just embrace the Truth.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the light, the joy, the peace, and the presence of who you are.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: As always, I hope this has been helpful. Follow us and ChangeLight. We'll come to ChangeLight dot world. Join the free community, take the free course. We've got lots of great stuff for you there. We've also got a lot of good stuff coming up, all right. Well, I love you, and I will see you next week.