top of page
  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | How to Deal with Inner Bullies





 

TRANSCRIPT

WEBVTT

1

00:00:01.070 --> 00:00:28.989

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Hello! Hello! And welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. As always I am with ChangeLight, and I'm so happy to be here to teach you inner work that accelerates your power to shine your brightest light, be your highest self, and make the biggest possible difference in the world that you are here to make. That's what this is all about. Today we're gonna talk about how to deal with inner bullies. I know we all deal with

2

00:00:28.990 --> 00:00:34.880

inner voices that tell us we're not good enough, or try to undermine our faith in ourselves, etc.

3

00:00:35.010 --> 00:00:46.479

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Let me back up, though, and explain what I mean by a bully. Okay? Because I think based on the way I'm using the term, there might be some confusion

4

00:00:46.600 --> 00:01:09.259

and let me back up even further. And if you are familiar with my work, basically, what I do is I heal people's inner wounds, defense, mechanisms, traumas, all the kinds of things that cause parts all the parts inside of us that form in response to our, you know, the the things that we experience, our lives, chronic stressors, you know, unhealthy situations.

5

00:01:09.260 --> 00:01:31.570

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: traumatic events, etc. Okay, so when we have those events as we go through our lives, parts of us form right in reaction to those experiences. So I call those parts exPowers all right, and when I work with an exPower, I know that it's a part of the person. This is key. It's a part of the person. It's basically a part of their light

6

00:01:31.570 --> 00:01:55.069

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that was distorted by fear or pain. And so it fell into darkness. I call them exPowers, because they're basically parts former parts of our power. They feel like they work against our power. But here's what happens in my work with exPowers, with you know what we might call the inner critic or rooted child, or these different parts inside of us.

7

00:01:55.260 --> 00:02:00.419

is that when I work with them I discover they always have good intentions for the person.

8

00:02:00.520 --> 00:02:15.400

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and that through the Drawing Out Process which was my, which is my signature technique, I can permanently and fully transform that part out of its darkness, pull it out of that darkness, back to its light, back to its original essence permanently

9

00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:39.839

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: heal that part, so that Wounded in her child actually becomes joyful again, or loving again, or kind again and fully in, you know, in embrace and embraceable same thing with, let's say, an inner critic, you know. Maybe it's a part of the person that was really focused on their survival and and learn from the environment that well, you know, being critical or or judgmental is actually how you try to change the part

10

00:02:39.840 --> 00:03:02.839

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: person, you know. So they're all different parts of us that form in response to our life experiences. But those parts that I'm talking about in my work called exp powers are parts that are parts of the person, they are parts of that person's light that have been temporarily temporarily distorted by those experiences the person had, and that their intentions are either to protect

11

00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:22.160

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: themselves or protect that person, so protecting themselves would be what I call a Wounded, and protecting the person or parts of the person would be what I call a Controller or a Defender. And there are videos on this. You could watch my earliest videos on this channel. And learn more about it. In my, on my website, ChangeLight world

12

00:03:22.160 --> 00:03:33.260

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: join the community. It's totally free, and my free courses there as well. But here's the difference between what I'm calling between those what I call exPowers

13

00:03:33.330 --> 00:03:54.279

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and an inner bully. Okay, a bully is different. A bully is, think about the actual bully in real life. A bully is not necessarily someone you can negotiate with. It's not necessarily someone who really does have good intentions for you, but they're just acting that way and try to protect you or themselves.

14

00:03:54.280 --> 00:04:12.449

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: A bully is someone who dominates because maybe because of their own psychology or their own psychopathy or their own sociopathy. They're all about trying to dominate, to control, to make themselves feel better, to make you feel sort of, you know, make you feel worse. So they feel better. Okay.

15

00:04:12.900 --> 00:04:32.769

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: a bully is not someone who necessarily responds to gosh, you know, that sounds like it was really painful that experience for you doesn't necessarily respond to negotiating doesn't respond to sort of therapizing or being really compassionate. Now, at some point, that person who's acting as the bully

16

00:04:32.940 --> 00:04:43.139

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that may actually appeal to them at some point. But really, in my experience and my opinion, when it comes to bullies, how do you deal with the bully. You stand up to that bully

17

00:04:43.310 --> 00:05:11.869

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and you say, No, it's not okay. Treat me that way, or you just completely remove yourself from the situation. So the bully no longer has the ability to hurt you. Or you just basically aren't phased by their behaviors. And so then they realize they're not getting that emotional response from you. They're not getting that sense of power or superiority from you. And so they just don't bother doing it anymore. Okay, that's typically how it works with bullies. I'm being very simplistic here. I know there are probably exceptions.

18

00:05:11.970 --> 00:05:38.459

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But the difference between, for example, an inner critic. So if I'm working with an inner critic inside of someone. I can usually have a conversation where they'll draw up that part. I have a conversation with it, and I find out that well it forms when they were 3, and XY. Or Z happened, or their parents treated them this way, and so they learned to behave this way, and they thought that by by criticizing the person, that it was actually protecting them from criticism, or, you know, by criticizing it would put

19

00:05:38.460 --> 00:05:51.109

them to succeed, and therefore that would protect them from feeling insecure, or from being criticized, or from making mistakes, or whatever. Okay. So there is a positive intention within an inner critic that I would work with.

20

00:05:51.280 --> 00:06:03.439

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But a bully is a completely different thing. And I'm I'm sharing this with you because basic because of basically what I've discovered inside of myself in the last few weeks.

21

00:06:04.670 --> 00:06:29.540

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I'll I'll just basically back up. So in terms of what's happened in the last few weeks. So the way I typically deal with inner struggles within myself is like, typically see them as exPowers. And I work with them on that level I draw them out. I talk with them, I let them vent their feelings. And sometimes, lately, actually, I've been calling on my own husband to be that voice for me to take me through some of the Drawing Out Processes. So far I haven't trained anyone else in it, but he's learned to.

22

00:06:29.540 --> 00:06:54.250

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: You know, it's got really good at asking questions. I think I've talked about that before on this show. So I realized that I was dealing with some stuff inside of me that was really causing me to be self loathing, hate myself, but especially when it came to my work, because I always have this sense of like. I need to be doing more, I should have accomplished more. I you know I'm getting too old, you know. I'm only 48 years old, but it's like I've got a lot of years left, I hope.

23

00:06:54.550 --> 00:07:16.070

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Okay, good. But the point is that I still was dealing with this constant, just feeling like blocked. And I just couldn't get past this block, no matter how much I drew out this part to me. It was like was still there. So I was talking with my mother and she identified. She says, You know, it sounds to me like, you've got a bully in there.

24

00:07:16.200 --> 00:07:37.559

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And I thought, Yeah, yeah. And then I started to think, well, maybe I need to deal with it like an exPower. But then my husband was actually working with me. and we worked on parts like a part of me that felt traumatized by all of this bullying, all this treatment, and all of feeling so blocked over all these years, and self loathing and store, or, or, you know, being really frustrated with myself.

25

00:07:37.710 --> 00:07:41.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But then, sort of we went through some layers and discovered there was one

26

00:07:42.220 --> 00:07:54.060

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that he was like, yeah, I feel better when I when I hurt you, you know, or hurt Emily. I mean he was. My husband was talking to this part of me, and it was basically attacking me. But being like, Yeah, I feel good when I do it.

27

00:07:54.080 --> 00:07:58.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I don't care. I don't care how she feels. Long story shorter.

28

00:07:58.850 --> 00:08:14.520

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: hearing that voice come out of me, made me think, okay. You know what I think. I'm dealing with something else besides an exPower. Now, I'm not going to speculate on what that is. Okay, based on whatever your beliefs are, you might have a name for whatever I'm I'm thinking of and talking about.

29

00:08:14.760 --> 00:08:18.909

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But my point is, I started to be aware

30

00:08:19.630 --> 00:08:48.100

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: of the bullying voice inside of me. That is, I would notice that I'd have a positive thought about my work or an idea what really? Wanna move forward. And historically, boom immediately. I feel like, no, I can't do that, and and I would just immediately feel blocked. So I started to be aware of that voice inside, or whatever that voice was that I had the idea, and then, boom! There'd be no no right at whatever, you know. No, you can't do it.

31

00:08:48.100 --> 00:08:59.250

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: No, you've already tried that before. You're too old. you know, everybody's already ahead of you on this. You're never gonna get there, especially if you're never gonna get there. Whoa! That's that was a big one.

32

00:09:00.260 --> 00:09:17.929

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So I started to notice when it would go boom, and it was so subconscious. And this is what I thought was really interesting, I consider myself really self aware, but this was so deeply embedded in my Psyche and so automatic in its response, that if I went oh, my God! There it is!

33

00:09:17.970 --> 00:09:27.269

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Oh, my God! There it is! I had not identified it as something not me, if you will not the voice of me and my Truth, but something else.

34

00:09:27.320 --> 00:09:31.320

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So I started catching it. and I would write down what it said.

35

00:09:31.610 --> 00:09:44.340

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and I started talking back to it, instead of treating it as a kind of exPower in some part of me that really, really, it's just trying to protect me, because sometimes those voices really are. This, though I knew was not

36

00:09:44.380 --> 00:09:53.749

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: who's deliberately trying to hurt me and undermine my confidence in myself and stop me from doing my work shining my light, etc.

37

00:09:54.020 --> 00:09:57.470

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So I started catching it. You know what I started doing. I treat it like a bully.

38

00:09:58.290 --> 00:10:06.470

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and I cursed at it. Actually, I won't use the full words. But I basically was like, Oh, you're a bully. You're a

39

00:10:06.590 --> 00:10:13.369

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: DISD, ICKI, basically was just like, Oh, you're just a you know. Oh, you're just a

40

00:10:13.650 --> 00:10:15.720

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: you know what? Fu

41

00:10:16.250 --> 00:10:28.549

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and I started to recognize that it was that it wasn't about kind of trying to understand it and be passionate. No, no, no! It was just like no, you're just. You're just just going to say you're just a dick.

42

00:10:28.740 --> 00:10:44.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: You're just a Dick, there's no redeemable qualities to you. You're not trying to help me. You're not trying to protect me. I don't need to have a conversation with you about this. You're just a dick. So that's what I started doing when I noticed that voice. So, sure enough, I did that, and that voice went

43

00:10:44.980 --> 00:11:09.969

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: like, oh, I can't do anything here anymore. Okay? Then I noticed, I have another thought, and it might be in a different, even just a different area of my work right? A different element, like I'm working with children. So I've been. Oh, it's been taking me a while to develop a program for children. I've worked with children before. What is the problem here? But I noticed that I started to think, oh, I'm gonna start creating my program for children again.

44

00:11:09.970 --> 00:11:25.919

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Boop! Immediately I there was, I noticed. Oh, there it is! There was that voice that was saying, you know how to work with children. You haven't worked with enough. Children, you are a teacher. You aren't at right, and telling me that I couldn't do what I knew I wanted to do and could do.

45

00:11:25.980 --> 00:11:28.699

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and I caught it, and I was like, Oh.

46

00:11:29.280 --> 00:11:31.610

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: shut them! You're a dick

47

00:11:31.680 --> 00:11:32.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: like I just

48

00:11:33.030 --> 00:11:39.319

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: straight of was like, and with doing that, and sometimes drawing them out just to be like I see you

49

00:11:39.590 --> 00:11:42.389

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: screw you get it out of here.

50

00:11:42.460 --> 00:11:58.959

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Then, by setting my boundaries and standing up to those bullies one by one. They disappear now I had to catch them first, and that's the difference when you suddenly realize it's almost like there's this worm in your head that you don't even know is there? But it's doing its thing. But when you catch it and you go

51

00:11:59.130 --> 00:12:01.170

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: oh, you're just an a hole.

52

00:12:01.560 --> 00:12:21.830

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Just realize that, though you're actually not worth my time. You're not worth my energy. You're an idiot, you're a loser. And here was the fun thing, too, that, like one of the voices was telling me you're never gonna succeed. You're doomed to failure, you know. It was all about this stuff. What I was able to do is, take those words and turn it back on that.

53

00:12:22.450 --> 00:12:26.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And I told it. I wrote down some of the things that was telling me, and I go. Come on.

54

00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:39.859

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: This isn't true for me. This is true for you. You're doomed to failure. You're never going to succeed in overtaking me. I'm going to succeed at my work and at my purpose and living. My Truth, you're the one who's the failure. You're just talking to yourself.

55

00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:46.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and it just went away. So one by one, and this has happened really quickly. But away now.

56

00:12:47.030 --> 00:12:52.939

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: caveat, to this. Sometimes it doesn't just immediately go away because

57

00:12:53.330 --> 00:13:06.850

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: it's hard. It can be hard sometimes to set that boundary. If parts of you do actually believe what that bully is telling you so, and that's why bullies can tend to survive and thrive and succeed.

58

00:13:07.000 --> 00:13:27.200

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Because if a part of us actually believes that what it's telling us is true. then it's gonna keep its foothold inside of us, and so there was one, and I don't remember which one it was, but it was saying things to me, and I and and part of me was just like F. You. You know you're a Dick, and I could see that it was just a dick. It's just, you know, you're just an a-hole.

59

00:13:27.580 --> 00:13:43.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But then there was a party that's kind of triggered by it and kind of hooked into it. And I was like, Oh, wait a minute. Okay. so there are parts of me that actually believe this. So I needed to draw those out, and those I can work with as exPowers, because those are parts that have been hurt

60

00:13:43.900 --> 00:13:49.519

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: by having been treated that way, or you know whether by the bully or externally in my life.

61

00:13:49.970 --> 00:13:59.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: so I could heal those, and once I healed those, then I could talk back to that bully and be like F you. You're just a dick, and you're not even worth my time you're not worth my energy.

62

00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:23.440

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And the other thing I wanna point out, too, is that sometimes those inner bullies can actually say things that may be true. So, for example, if you've done something in your life that you know that was a mistake, and you really regret that bullying may use that information against you, and they hold it against you. So here's the thing. It may be that what it's saying is factually true, like, factually true. Okay.

63

00:14:23.790 --> 00:14:35.790

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: but that doesn't mean it's serving any purpose for you. Does it serve any purpose for you to constantly constantly be reminded about the mistakes that you've made? Or maybe when you hurt someone inadvertently or advertently.

64

00:14:35.800 --> 00:14:58.539

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: it really doesn't serve the higher purpose of your Truth. Your Truth is, never gonna do that to you. It's never gonna hurt you. It's never. It is light. Your Truth is that is always interested in what's empowering for you and that void. That voice of that bully is not empowering, it is disempowering, and therefore it is not from your Truth. It is not from your light.

65

00:14:58.540 --> 00:15:06.310

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: it does not deserve to be here, and it has no right to treat you that way, and that's something else you can use to that I even use. I was like, you have no right to treat me this way.

66

00:15:06.310 --> 00:15:10.189

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: 0, who told you that you had the right to treat me this way?

67

00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:17.080

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And then maybe it would say, You know, you know I'm so thrilled. Well, you did. And I'm like, well, not anymore. not anymore.

68

00:15:17.590 --> 00:15:44.130

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I you're no. So you hear that here what I'm saying. So this is, I wanna point this out. And the reason why I also really wanna point out the distinction between an interact power in an interval is that sometimes we can actually treat our exPowers as though they're in our bullies as though they have no redeeming qualities for us, as though they are not parts of us, and what we end up doing is we can end up hurting them more, or causing them to dig in more and hurt us more.

69

00:15:44.130 --> 00:16:02.770

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: so that inner critic will know, you know, if you you can't treat me like that. Okay, you can try doing that with an inner critic, or what I call an inner Controller type. It's really not gonna work. It's just gonna double down. It's just gonna push back. But what I found with these bullies, once I recognize they were there, and I started setting my boundaries and saying,

70

00:16:02.770 --> 00:16:21.629

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: They disappeared. It disappeared pretty quickly. Now they may have disappeared pretty quickly, because I've already done so much healing on myself. But remember, I just said well, they disappeared quickly, because there aren't those parts that they can hook into, and trigger as many parts. So if you've got inner bullies, and I think we all do

71

00:16:21.630 --> 00:16:34.570

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: be aware of those parts that are keeping them there. In other words that are that actually do agree, or they do feel that way, or carrying that trauma from having been bullied, and maybe some of those beliefs that somehow you deserve this. You don't.

72

00:16:35.100 --> 00:16:40.060

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: You never, ever, ever deserve to be bullied.

73

00:16:41.170 --> 00:16:54.249

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: not even a bully deserves to be bully. Notice that when I responding to those bullies. I'm not bullying them. I'm just sort of reflecting back whatever they're saying to me, or I'm just saying, No, you don't have the right f off. That's it.

74

00:16:54.420 --> 00:16:59.610

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Let's say you're like pummeling them. No, it's just no get up and get get away from me. Get out of here.

75

00:16:59.750 --> 00:17:11.190

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: you're done. We're done. so don't negotiate. Don't therapy set the boundaries. Tell them to f off. Tell them they have no right. They're just a dick.

76

00:17:11.500 --> 00:17:13.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: or whatever words you want to use?

77

00:17:14.380 --> 00:17:19.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: but the whole point is, these bullies

78

00:17:19.109 --> 00:17:40.179

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: can be really undermining. So be aware of the bullies inside of you, and if you try with the drawing out. I highly recommend doing that, learning the Drawing Out Process in my course. Change like community dot change like dot world. Go in there, take the course is totally free. And if you're finding that they're really

79

00:17:40.300 --> 00:17:59.199

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: it just doesn't seem to be any good intentions. Now, mind you, you may not be able to figure this out on your own. Might need to talk to me and work with me to really figure out this and it like an inner critic, for example, or is this an actual belief? But if you are finding you do feel like that, really, it doesn't have a right to be there, and it's just being a dig

80

00:17:59.460 --> 00:18:07.270

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that has no redeeming like value. It's not trying to protect you or anything. Then you may be dealing with a bully. So in that case, try this approach.

81

00:18:07.650 --> 00:18:14.640

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: The final word I want to leave you with is this, that when we face, let me slow down when we face

82

00:18:14.850 --> 00:18:16.870

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: the bullies inside of us.

83

00:18:17.270 --> 00:18:35.600

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: We no longer the feet. We no longer fear the bullies around us, so when we face the bullies inside us when we, when we defeat those bullies inside of us, or when we heal those inner critics that feel like they're bullying us when we heal those

84

00:18:36.140 --> 00:18:47.429

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: we no longer fear. The bullies around us. The bullies around us can no longer affect us as much as they used to. They can't hurt us as much. We're not as triggered or controlled by that.

85

00:18:47.780 --> 00:19:04.869

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So that's another way that has to do with the Inner Work for Greater Good. When you do this inner work, and you feel on the inside, you end up being stronger on the outside, able to overcome those not so great influences in your own life, and to make

86

00:19:04.870 --> 00:19:19.579

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that they take the and make the choices, and take the actions that are most empowering for you, and most in alignment with your Truth, so that you light up, you light up the world, and you make a bigger difference than you ever imagined.

87

00:19:19.660 --> 00:19:46.299

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Alright as always. I hope. This is helpful. I am Emily. Go to ChangeLight dot world, check out my website. I've got the podcast. Dark Light Truth that tells actual stories of people going through the Drawing Out Process. It's really freaking cool. And this week I've got another one that's just amazing, like she ends up. She starts off saying that she just can't figure out what her Truth is, and she feels so disconnected from it. By the end she states her Truth. It's so

88

00:19:46.470 --> 00:19:55.260

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: powerful, alright Dark Light Truth on apple, podcast, or any of the podcast apps. Alright. Take care, and I will see you next week.




Comentarios


bottom of page