TRANSCRIPT
WEBVTT
1
00:00:00.990 --> 00:00:30.970
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello! Hello! Hello! And welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge, and I am your host. I am also the founder of ChangeLight the Creator of the ChangeLight System, where we do inner work that accelerates your power to feel good and do good to make whatever difference in the world that you are here to make, and in order to make the biggest difference is, I always say it requires the inner work as well as the outer work. It's not enough in my
2
00:00:30.980 --> 00:01:00.950
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and to just be doing the work on the outside and the external. We also have to do that in our work as well, and by doing that in our work we make our lives easier. It just makes it a lot easier to affect change, because then we're doing that change from the inside. We're doing what Gandhi instructed about being the change that we wish to see in the world that starts within. You know we can't have outer piece unless we have inner piece as well. It really starts with us. So that's what we're about is helping you.
3
00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:23.880
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You feel more at peace with yourself, so that you can shine that radiant piece into the world and make an even bigger difference more easily and effortlessly, You know, free of those blocks, triggers, rooms free of those bad habits, free of those patterns, you know, unhealthy relationships, things like that that can really get in the way of us functioning at our optimal level. So to that
4
00:01:23.890 --> 00:01:32.920
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: point today I want to talk about um. I want to talk about inner resistance, inner emotional resistance.
5
00:01:32.930 --> 00:02:02.739
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Why, it's there, and how we can dissolve it. I mean, really, this is the crux I talked in a previous episode about healing what is required for healing, and I talked about safety, and I think I even talked about some of the concepts that i'm going to mention here, but I want to mention three specific what I call magic ingredients that are really that I use in my work that are absolutely necessary for dissolving inner emotional resistance, and even mental resistance. Frankly,
6
00:02:02.750 --> 00:02:32.690
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: any kind of resistance. First of all, let's talk about this idea of in a resistance. Now think about it this way or Here's one way to think about it. When we think about everything in our lives going really well, when we you know for feeling really really good. Um, if we're uh, you know, if if everything feels like, you know, we're not running into any obstacles or any challenges or any issues like it feels like things are flowing in our lives right? It feels like things.
7
00:02:32.700 --> 00:02:47.459
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: They're easy, and they're effortless, and they're flowing. Things are moving. Things are happening, or even if it's like a peaceful kind of flowing, we're not running into any sort of what feels like uh resistance, or blocks, or anything like that.
8
00:02:47.580 --> 00:02:54.709
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that is really what I would say is like an inner state of well-being is when we feel like we're flowing on the inside.
9
00:02:54.720 --> 00:03:18.619
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So, By the same token, if you're experiencing a lack of well being, it's probably because you've or emotional well being, i'll just keep it simple and say emotional. Well being um that if you're running into some kind of inner resistances, or you may be having some kind of resistance as to what's going on around you, but in any case it's resistance that's happening on the inside.
10
00:03:18.630 --> 00:03:47.499
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So think about the nature of resistance resistance implies. You're resisting against something, or there's resistance to something. There's you know. There's some kind of I don't have to necessarily always mean struggle or conflict, but it really it can, You know right if they talk about their resistance, or even like in the in the World War II. Stalls. You know it was the resistance to you know what you know, what the Axis powers were doing, and Hitler et cetera. And so there was resistance to that,
11
00:03:47.510 --> 00:04:03.689
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because there was a a a a desire to protect and keep it bay and um prevent any further damage or hurt, et cetera. I don't want to get into World War Ii History. I'm not an expert. But you get what i'm saying. And so the thing is, what happens is
12
00:04:03.700 --> 00:04:24.650
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when we go through experiences in our lives where we experience some kind of obstacle or challenge, or wounding, or abuse, or trum, or anything that makes us, as I previously talked about, that makes us in any way feel unsafe, or makes a part of us believe that we are unsafe.
13
00:04:24.710 --> 00:04:52.829
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Then often what happens is you're part of the reaction can be a form of resistance, so it can be like pressing, you know, pushing back against or creating some kind of like a protective mechanism. Well protective mechanism implies that there's a need to protect. There's a need to keep something away. And so what often happens is internally, that's what happens with us emotionally is these forms of resistance,
14
00:04:52.840 --> 00:05:13.570
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of energetic resistance. And so. The way that can come up, you know inside is, it can be in terms of, you know, a part which what I would call a Defender. If you see my previous episodes, a part that says Uh-uh, and tries to push back against that pain, so that's a classic form of resistance to set up a barrier to push back against. I am resisting against you
15
00:05:13.580 --> 00:05:20.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: uh another kind of resistance, though, could be, uh, you know, being stuck in an emotional state.
16
00:05:21.000 --> 00:05:44.589
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So you know, when you're you're resistant to change your resistant to outside input, or part of you is, you know you're stuck in that state. Stuckness implies that there's not movement that there's not flow when we talked about flow a minute ago, and that that you know well being is like flow and peace and all that, and people. You often say the emotions are energy in motion.
17
00:05:44.600 --> 00:06:14.520
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, when something happens that causes us to end up with an emotional reaction that can actually cause us to also form a part that's stuck in resistance that stuck in some kind of emotional state or mental state, or even, you know, as you know, an area of our own in our darkness, if you will. You know I often talk about how little wounded children inside. We always have a lot of. You know. We have more than one, but little children can sometimes show up in a deep, dark corner in a doorless, windowless building. I mean.
18
00:06:14.530 --> 00:06:34.229
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I talked to a lot of in her children that that's where they are, and they're stuck, and they don't see that there's any other way of being so. There's a kind of resistance there, and, in fact, often what I run into, for example, with those little in our children when I work with them is that they first of all don't even know a lot of times that there's another way of thinking or feeling,
19
00:06:34.240 --> 00:07:04.220
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but also, even when presented with that, that you actually this doesn't have to be your reality. Sometimes they will put up resistance. They will resist that because they're scared that if they were to suddenly not be in pain, that they actually risk getting hurt again, or that you won't, be reminded of that pain, and therefore you'll risk getting hurt again. And so it's a matter of helping them to drop that resistance that they're feeling. And that same thing could go for a Defender, saying
20
00:07:04.230 --> 00:07:34.079
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: they can go for a Controller. So these parts of this are stuck in some kind of pattern and some kind of you know, there is some kind of reactive uh behaviors or feelings, or thoughts or beliefs. And so the whole point is to bring them out of that resistance out of that stuck emotional state, so that they're flowing again and flowing with you and supporting you rather than unconsciously creating continual patterns and
21
00:07:34.090 --> 00:07:38.730
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: reactions. And you know, subconscious programs things like that.
22
00:07:38.740 --> 00:08:07.040
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So it's about bringing those parts out of resistance. And I often talk to about, you know, bringing those dark parts back to light that isn't that also what it is when something's in the light, and something's connected with source or light, or what have you That's a state of peace, isn't it? That's the state of acceptance rather than resistance. And that's the other thing, too. Is that resistance? Think of what the opposite of resistance would be accept acceptance. So if we're resisting something,
23
00:08:07.050 --> 00:08:18.979
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we're not actually accepting it. We are pushing against it. And I I think it was Akhartoli who said, Pain is resistance to what is
24
00:08:19.250 --> 00:08:48.909
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: which is? That was a really interesting. I think he's the one who said that it might have been pain or suffering, or what have you? But it's resistance to what is. And so the way I read that is, it's like highlighting the fact that sometimes we can. Our parts of us can be stuck in pain, because we're unconsciously resisting whatever the reality is in this moment right now. Whereas if We' to accept what is now acceptance, doesn't mean agreement acceptance doesn't mean, sure, I love
25
00:08:48.920 --> 00:08:55.220
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: this. This is great acceptance. Just mean, like just means to say, like, Okay, this is what is right now,
26
00:08:55.300 --> 00:09:19.489
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: where this is how it feels to me right now with this is these are the emotions i'm feeling right now that that can help alleviate that pain because it's acceptance of what is as opposed to resistance to what is, and and I i'm there. There was this one moment when I i'll never forget. Years ago, where I had. I was driving down the street, and I was
27
00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:34.430
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: deeply. I've been really really depressed for quite a while. I was really struggling and suffering, and I've been really struggling and trying to be happier and trying to be, you know, joyful again, and trying to just trying everything I could. And then i'll never forget
28
00:09:34.460 --> 00:09:53.330
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that. As I was driving down the street, and I was internally struggling with all of these feelings, don't worry. I was safe. It wasn't I was putting anybody in danger. While I was doing this I just was feeling it as I was driving. Sometimes when I do a lot of really good processing on the highway. But as I was processing those emotions, I suddenly just had this thought,
29
00:09:53.820 --> 00:09:55.759
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and the thought was,
30
00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:59.280
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What if i'm Just not a happy person,
31
00:10:00.470 --> 00:10:03.310
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I had this moment of like,
32
00:10:04.270 --> 00:10:07.690
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I started like smiling,
33
00:10:07.710 --> 00:10:24.920
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I felt this release, and I felt this like, Oh, yeah, What if i'm not a happy person, and I suddenly was like happy in that moment. Now that may not make any sense. However, if you were to observe, have been able to observe what was happening inside of me. Here's what was happening
34
00:10:25.050 --> 00:10:43.859
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is that when I let's put it this way, a lot of I think my identity and what i'd gotten a lot of positive strokes for, you know, growing up, and a lot of what I think attracted people to me and like basically how i'd identified myself. And again, I didn't realize this. Okay, didn't know this.
35
00:10:43.870 --> 00:10:49.989
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But unconsciously, I had basically like part of my identity. Was. I am a happy person.
36
00:10:50.590 --> 00:11:00.509
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I'm a happy person. I'm a happy person, because that's how I presented myself to the world. That's how other people saw me, even when I was depressed, I still somehow was smiling.
37
00:11:00.660 --> 00:11:13.750
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And, you know, putting on this happy face and being really connected with other people, so nobody would have known people would not have know that I was actually not happy on the inside. But here's what it happened then. So in that moment. So
38
00:11:13.760 --> 00:11:23.219
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I So here I had this, this identity, this like self-created, but also externally reinforced identity, that I am a happy person. Okay,
39
00:11:23.380 --> 00:11:24.480
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Then
40
00:11:24.650 --> 00:11:34.490
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'm depressed and i'm more depressed, and i'm more depressed, and I got worse, and worse, and worse and worse. And I got into a really bad bad self-loading state.
41
00:11:34.850 --> 00:11:37.560
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so I worked really, really, really hard
42
00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:39.580
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to make myself happy,
43
00:11:39.590 --> 00:11:59.209
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because I wanted to be a happy person, because i'm a happy person again, not realizing that that was part of what was working inside of me was that i'm a happy person. Therefore I need to be happy, and I have to, you know, fit this identity. I. This is my identity. Basically what happened in that moment when that thought came to me with, Of
44
00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:02.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what if i'm not a happy person? It was the sudden like.
45
00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:04.120
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Oh,
46
00:12:04.610 --> 00:12:06.900
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I was like released
47
00:12:07.050 --> 00:12:14.890
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of that identity because i'd allowed myself to consider What if that's What if that's not true? What if i'm not a happy person,
48
00:12:15.060 --> 00:12:18.689
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I felt better because the resistance
49
00:12:18.740 --> 00:12:30.129
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: had dropped had resolved there was distance that I had unconsciously created internally. That was causing me so much pain, because there was such a contrast between
50
00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:37.059
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the identity that I had of myself is, i'm, a happy person, and the reality that I was not happy.
51
00:12:37.290 --> 00:12:54.739
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So these two things were at odds, and so it was creating pain again. This is all subconscious. But when I had that moment it was just like Ah! And so the piece that I felt in the ah breath right slowing when we're holding our breath, that's usually a fair thing.
52
00:12:54.810 --> 00:13:00.119
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Ah! Is a peace thing again talking about flowing resistance. All of this stuff
53
00:13:00.270 --> 00:13:04.390
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is that that moment was just this relief and this release,
54
00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:06.219
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it was like. Oh,
55
00:13:06.230 --> 00:13:36.160
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I had another thing recently. I I I'll just be very honest with you. I had a massive meltdown a couple of days ago. I have massive meltdowns. Occasionally they used to be way more frequent, but luckily i'm a lot healthier now than I ever used to be, So it takes a while for suddenly something to really like hit where i'm like. Oh, my God! I've not dealing with this or or um, not even realizing what's going on with me unconsciously, and so I had a mess and meltdown a couple of days ago I mean massive, like sobbing for like
56
00:13:36.170 --> 00:13:46.619
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: two hours massive meltdown um that in which i'm really struggling with how I'm designed and and but when it comes to like
57
00:13:46.850 --> 00:13:49.090
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: like what I want to create.
58
00:13:49.420 --> 00:13:59.399
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so what happened in ultimately out. It's so funny. So I had this meltdown, and I was in kind of a low place for a couple of days. It was really processing like my heart, was really really heavy,
59
00:13:59.850 --> 00:14:09.750
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and then I will cook. Early this morning. I have this tendency to wake up sometimes in the middle of the night. This I woke up at like one thirty in the morning. For some reason I wake up at different hours,
60
00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:11.790
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and
61
00:14:12.090 --> 00:14:14.659
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I had Oh, well, anyway,
62
00:14:15.250 --> 00:14:16.960
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I had this moment
63
00:14:17.760 --> 00:14:22.339
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: where it was like this sort of truth kind of hit,
64
00:14:23.130 --> 00:14:29.059
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and there was a relief in it for me. I can't believe i'm sharing this I wasn't expecting I was going to share this,
65
00:14:29.260 --> 00:14:32.909
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but basically, it has to do with my work. It has to do with my business
66
00:14:33.550 --> 00:14:41.760
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: really more with my business, not my work, my work, I know I work is the work that I do absolutely. The business part of it has always been a challenge for me,
67
00:14:42.300 --> 00:14:47.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and the thought that came to me as I woke up was, I don't know what i'm doing.
68
00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:50.270
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I don't know what i'm doing,
69
00:14:51.150 --> 00:15:04.009
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and when I had that thought now you might think. Oh, gosh, that's terrible! Or you might want to go. No, no, you do know what you're doing, Emily, you know. No, what happened was I had that thought. I don't know what i'm doing,
70
00:15:04.590 --> 00:15:06.890
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it actually made me feel like,
71
00:15:08.540 --> 00:15:09.500
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Yeah,
72
00:15:09.800 --> 00:15:27.439
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because in some ways. The reality is, it's true. I don't necessarily always know what i'm doing. I know some things that I know what i'm doing, but there's other stuff that I don't know what i'm doing. But the problem that I had subconsciously created inside
73
00:15:27.760 --> 00:15:30.470
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: was this belief that I had to know what I was doing?
74
00:15:30.480 --> 00:15:50.680
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Was this belief that? Well, I've learned all this other stuff. So I must know what i'm what i'm doing. Um, you know, with all this other stuff that was basically I mean, I don't know I haven't really gotten into it that much. But I think well, it could be my ego trying to convince me to make me feel confident. Yes, you know what you're doing, But what it was doing was creating this
75
00:15:50.690 --> 00:16:03.529
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: dissonance inside of me, and so I didn't even realize there was this internal struggle going on, and it took me having to have a complete meltdown and just totally go. I don't know what i'm doing
76
00:16:03.620 --> 00:16:05.429
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: for me to finally be like,
77
00:16:05.970 --> 00:16:06.880
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Huh!
78
00:16:07.060 --> 00:16:13.800
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That's it. There it is like I. It's just that i'm scared, and I don't know what i'm doing, and I felt so much really from that.
79
00:16:13.890 --> 00:16:21.850
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So, anyway, i'm sharing a lot of different random stories that are sort of like more about like beliefs, or what have you, but they have an impact
80
00:16:21.860 --> 00:16:39.029
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: on how we feel emotionally and and in terms of you know what we, how we perceive ourselves, and what we, whether we struggle with something, whether we don't struggle with something? Um. But this really is about so. How do we dissolve those in our emotions? How do we dissolve inner resistance when it comes to emotions.
81
00:16:39.040 --> 00:17:08.169
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And there are, first of all, and I think I've shared this before. There's a concept I want to share with you that I call the physics of emotion, and that is, it's like they talk about with energy for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. So let's say, emotion comes up, and then we want to push down on it Right? That's the resistance that we create where we feel it. We push back on it. So we create more resistance. It might already be in a resistant,
82
00:17:08.180 --> 00:17:38.149
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: heavily emotional state, or it might just be trying to give us a message, or what have you? And if we push back on it, we're creating resistance, And the reality is that most of the tough emotions inside of us are stuck in a state of resistance, mental, emotional, energetic. They're stuck. They're caught. They are convinced of their point of view. Or what have you? And So they that's where they are. And they formed, as I talked many, many times before, in reaction to experiences
83
00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:49.650
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that we've had that have taught us that those parts of this that they need to be that way, to protect themselves, or to be that way to protect us, or to change some part of us to keep us safe ultimately.
84
00:17:50.100 --> 00:18:05.429
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so when you have that resistance when I'm dealing with the part that's what? So that's what I call the physics of emotion for every action. Newton's third law there's an equal and opposite reaction. But when it comes to emotion the same thing happens,
85
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:18.160
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that's and the reason why I like to repeat this is because it's important to recognize that when we're dealing with an emotion, and where we have that emotion is that it's it's,
86
00:18:18.440 --> 00:18:23.880
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and then we fight against it. Let's say, or we try to push it down. We want it to go away. It's not going to go away.
87
00:18:23.970 --> 00:18:40.959
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's not gonna go away by pushing on it. It's just gonna come back harder because the more you push down, the more it's gonna push back equal and opposite, equal and opposite. So all it's doing is following the laws of physics. That's it. It really is that scientific in so many ways.
88
00:18:40.970 --> 00:18:57.330
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So I would say, emotions take a little bit of different approach, or a little bit different understanding than just. You know physics and science, and all that. But the point is that so? If you've got emotions, or if you're stuck in a state like this with one of your emotions,
89
00:18:57.940 --> 00:19:05.220
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and they're resistant. You're resistant. What? How is that going to make anything better to keep resisting?
90
00:19:05.470 --> 00:19:15.359
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What do you do? How? What are the things that you can do to help that parts resistance dissolve,
91
00:19:15.500 --> 00:19:26.329
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and your resistance dissolve. What can you do? And to help it dissolve in its resistance, so that rather than being against like this, you're at peace.
92
00:19:26.420 --> 00:19:35.340
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You're co-existing everything's flowing. It's okay. And the emotion result of calms and you call
93
00:19:35.350 --> 00:19:46.459
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There are three magic ingredients. I realize we're almost at the end of the episode. But there are three magazine sort of magic ingredients I call them that I use when I work with
94
00:19:46.470 --> 00:20:00.259
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: a resistant part inside of someone, or even inside of myself. And this is what I was doing. Even the last couple of days I wasn't resisting those feelings that were coming up. I was just letting them out, which is partly how they came to this massive meltdown was because it's like,
95
00:20:00.340 --> 00:20:03.260
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know. Um! But
96
00:20:03.490 --> 00:20:08.430
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the three ingredients are curiosity,
97
00:20:09.100 --> 00:20:10.710
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: understanding,
98
00:20:11.220 --> 00:20:12.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and empathy.
99
00:20:13.760 --> 00:20:22.329
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so let me just say so I I i'm trying to remember if I even talked about this in a previous episode. Whatever i'm talking about it again. Now, curiosity.
100
00:20:23.320 --> 00:20:43.120
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Part of the problem when it comes to emotions is that we're not curious enough about them. We resist them, we react against them. We feel them reacting. We react against them. We don't actually get curious, or we try to ignore them. We try to avoid them. We try to pretend they're not there? Whatever, rather than turn towards and get curious.
101
00:20:43.360 --> 00:21:00.419
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Why is it there? Why am I feeling this way? Why is it feeling this way. Why did I have this reaction? What's going on? When was the first time, Remember feeling this way, et cetera, asking questions? Getting curious? Curiosity is also an expression of non resistance
102
00:21:00.430 --> 00:21:09.240
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: rather than arguing. Let's say you are disagreeing with someone on, I mean. Obviously, politics are a big one in the United states, um, or religion, or whatever.
103
00:21:09.390 --> 00:21:25.309
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And let's say you state a point of view, and somebody, you know most people might argue with it or disagree with it. But what if? Instead, they're curious about it All that's interesting. Tell me more. So i'm curious about how you arrived at that point of view. So What's your background with that? That's interesting,
104
00:21:25.830 --> 00:21:35.150
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: which is gonna get the better reaction from you If they argue with you and say, that's so stupid. That's dump, or you know what you're probably one of those blah blah blah, or whatever.
105
00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:44.329
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How you, How are you going to react to that, or how are you going to react to them going. Oh, that's interesting. Huh! I hadn't thought about that way. I'm curious about why you think that way,
106
00:21:45.010 --> 00:21:59.180
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that immediately can lower resistance. Curiosity implies openness to what you have to share or to. However, you're feeling the same thing goes for us internally, emotionally,
107
00:21:59.190 --> 00:22:15.229
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when we're curious about what's going on. And we ask these parts of this questions, and you know i'm just curious, and with genuine curiosity, not some kind of agenda, but just really coming. I just w where to come from, I mean I've asked that of some parts of me. Where did you come from? Like
108
00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:25.940
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I no idea where you came from, you know. Was there a certain moment that you know you showed up that I, you know, had you as a reaction, I don't know. So get curious. That's one.
109
00:22:26.060 --> 00:22:28.849
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The second one is understanding,
110
00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:30.600
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and actually with
111
00:22:31.100 --> 00:22:49.170
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Well, no, I'll say that for later. So, understanding, So the curiosity is kind of You're just being a open just. Oh, huh! That's interesting. I'm: curious asking questions. Understanding is more kind of a mental process, but also based on your own life experiences kind of going.
112
00:22:49.180 --> 00:22:52.680
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Oh, yeah. Oh, I see. Okay, I can see.
113
00:22:53.280 --> 00:23:06.989
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How are you listening to? What the that that part is saying, or that emotion is is expressing. Oh, I see why you feel that way may not agree with it, but you can understand, and when that part feels understood,
114
00:23:07.300 --> 00:23:10.079
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that calms it down even further.
115
00:23:10.800 --> 00:23:16.300
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Ah, yeah, okay. Oh, I see that you're really angry and upset about that.
116
00:23:16.440 --> 00:23:37.169
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That's understanding and also understanding. And this is why I teach a lot about the three types of emPowers and three types of exPowers. When you understand why parts certain kinds of parts of you exist, then you can better relate to them. Then you can better help them, heal or calm down, or bring them more fully into your lives, whatever it is where x power and power,
117
00:23:37.470 --> 00:23:44.460
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but it's understanding and being understanding of that part. That's another
118
00:23:44.470 --> 00:24:04.679
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: powerful ingredients. What I do with when I work with exPowers, and even emPowers to. But really exPower is the ones that need that healing, and that taken out of that state of resistance. So I use curiosity, and I use understanding. Yeah, I can see why you feel that way. Oh, oh, that's interesting. Yeah, I can see that really hurt your feelings. I can see that really made you angry. I can see that really makes you sad, just for example.
119
00:24:05.100 --> 00:24:06.779
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then finally,
120
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:08.670
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: empathy.
121
00:24:09.100 --> 00:24:20.800
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the empathy part of it is, and we know how to do this right. When we empathize with others, we we don't, we sit with their feelings,
122
00:24:20.830 --> 00:24:23.970
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we we honor their feelings
123
00:24:24.110 --> 00:24:35.809
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and empathize. We draw from our own experiences and our own emotions that we've had, or the our own. You know the things that we can relate to in what they're sharing,
124
00:24:36.230 --> 00:24:49.580
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: as as a way of helping them feel safe and connected and further understood and felt. If you will, they feel like they're being not just heard and understood, but felt in a way.
125
00:24:49.950 --> 00:24:59.919
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so curiosity, understanding, and empathy these are the magic ingredients that will help dissolve inner resistance
126
00:24:59.930 --> 00:25:14.889
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: much faster than just trying to analyze or just talking, really listening, really seeking to understand, really empathizing with those parts, even if you disagree. And I think I've said this before I have empathized with
127
00:25:14.900 --> 00:25:20.389
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in our critics and in our monsters that say horrible and do horrible things to the person.
128
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:40.010
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But I say, gosh, yeah, I can see that you're really scared for her where you're scared for him. I can see that you're behaving that way because you've seen him hurt before, or you've seen her get in trouble for that, you see. So that's what it's about. You're not necessarily expressing agreement.
129
00:25:40.020 --> 00:25:44.909
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: We're saying, Yeah, that's right. We it's just like, Yeah, okay, I get it.
130
00:25:45.310 --> 00:25:54.309
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that drops that in a resistance. I never, ever, ever ever
131
00:25:54.520 --> 00:26:00.649
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: argue with an exPower with an inner part, an inner struggle and inner emotion ever.
132
00:26:00.670 --> 00:26:02.760
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I may not like it,
133
00:26:02.940 --> 00:26:04.490
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I may,
134
00:26:04.740 --> 00:26:20.109
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I may, you know, express my my my discomfort, or like, if i'm working with a part of myself. I might be like, okay. I see why you're feeling that way. But i'm telling you right now it doesn't work for me, you see, so I don't argue with it. I don't tell it not to feel how it feels.
135
00:26:20.120 --> 00:26:38.369
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I don't tell it not to think what it's thinking I don't. I don't try to rip that kid out of It's dark hubble. No, you just don't it doesn't work. It just creates more resistance. The key is to dissolve, relax that resistance, so that we have flow again,
136
00:26:39.840 --> 00:26:48.170
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that we have flow again. That's what it's about curiosity, understanding, and empathy.
137
00:26:48.180 --> 00:27:10.980
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I would throw validating in there as well. Uh, just speak. But but that kind of fits in with empathizing when you validate how that part feels. Yeah, That's what i'm saying, like, Yeah, I could see how you feel that way. That's kind of validation, because that part wants to feel understood her connected, you know validated. And so again, the whole intention, when it comes to feeling more at peace, and having deeper, well, being
138
00:27:11.070 --> 00:27:13.690
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is non-resistance with it
139
00:27:13.830 --> 00:27:24.069
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is, that is, that the the dissolution of that inner resistance, so that we can flow and be at peace, and be present with what is
140
00:27:24.210 --> 00:27:38.690
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: not reacting from those states of resistance. To go back to what ecart totally said about pain is resistance to what is when we have those parts that want to resist what is, we can actually turn towards them and go. Okay, what's going on with you, honey?
141
00:27:38.830 --> 00:27:51.080
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Yeah, I can see that you're really upset right now, or you know, even even if you don't feel like you can identify a part. Then to do it for yourself. I'm really scared right now. Yeah, i'm. I can feel that i'm really scared
142
00:27:51.090 --> 00:28:04.899
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and put it to words, and you let it know that you're hearing it, or you let your you even hear yourself saying it. It helps you kind of calm down, calm that emotional resistance dissolve that emotional resistance so that you can feel more at peace in this.
143
00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:20.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Be more present, make better decisions, and, as always, make an even bigger, more luminous, and radiant difference in the world as always. I hope this was helpful. Come, visit us a ChangeLight that world where I've got a course for change makers. Those of us who are impact driven, and
144
00:28:21.220 --> 00:28:36.089
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we're creating courses for children and inmates and coaches and therapists, so lots of exciting things on the horizon, so I can't wait for you to join us. And uh, I guess i'll talk to you next week, and until then I hope you have a wonderful week.
Comments