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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello, Hello! Welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldridge. I'm with Change light. Please do. I should see this now, because I usually wait till the end. Go to. If you wanna learn about my work and learn how to do my work. There are a few wonderful resources. One is, go to my website, Changelight dot world, where you can sign up for the free course which is in our free community and get all this good training on how to heal your inner struggles
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so that you can feel more whole, free and at peace. And also, I have a podcast Dark Light Truth where you can listen to episodes on my website, or anywhere on any podcast app. So I'm gonna tell you that now, because usually I wait till the end. By then people probably you know, right as they see that I'm that I'm finishing up the kind of tune out. So, anyway, just wanna make sure you get that information. So I'm all about ever work for great or good to make the most positive.
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But starting within and really healing those wounds, those triggers, those blocks, those blind spots, those issues that we carry inside that cause us to behave in certain ways or react in certain ways. Today, I want to talk about
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and motivating versus paralyzing emotions. This came up for me because I realized that I was writing in my journal. And II might have even mentioned something about this struggle in the last episode. But it's basically that like, I don't always feel hugely. Let's put it this way. I might feel motivated to do something, let's say with regards to my work.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: however, a part of me is like is like stopping me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And this happens quite a lot, and over the years I've healed this different parts, and then I'll feel better for a while, and then sometimes another part will come up, and I've gotta heal that part. I mean, that's how it goes. Sometimes it's like a defragmenting process. And it works. I mean, this is my work. The Drawing Out Process is permanently, fully healing those parts that get in the way of us, fully shining our light and living our Truth. And of course, as I developed it because I've had to do it
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this a lot in my life, and it's made me better at my work, but it also is a struggle, and it can be very frustrating. So anyway, I was describing that what happens? Inside me and
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I said. You know, it's a fear. Obviously it's fueled by fear. But the word I use was different, and I never really identified it this way, and it's just a common term, but it was just good for me to put words to it, and just see if this helps you. But I wrote down paralyzing fear.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So it's a paralyzing fear. Right? So they always talk about. You know, the fight flight freeze, fawn. They're all different fear reactions. So it's like this is a freeze response, or even a flight response, you know. But it's like paralyzing. And so then, even though I, in my right mind and sort of the rest of me really is like, yes, I wanna work on this project with my work today there will be this paralyzing fear. And it's like.
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and it's like it stops, and it paralyzes me, and it's incredibly frustrating. Well, so I was looking at this, and it made me really think about
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: how fear can be both paralyzing and motivated. It's not as though the emotion of fear always shows up in the same way is always felt the same way, and even it can depend on the area of your life.
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How fear affects you in one area versus another. So, for example, when it comes to, let's say relationships, you know, whether it's friendships or family, or or you know my husband.
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I might feel fear as I'm about to, let's say, have a really intense conversation, or a painful conversation, or a scary conversation, or one that I know might trigger the other person, or, you know, you know, bringing a pain for me. So in those situations like that area of my life, when it comes to that and see if you can identify this for yourself, like
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: different areas of your life where you feel, let's say, fear in different ways.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but that you react differently. In my case, when I think about relationships and stuff like that, or emotional things. II can go at it. I might be scared, but I'm still gonna do it. And that's one of those things where people might say, Well, you push through the fear right? They always say, Well, fear the feet, feel the fear and do it anyway.
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and when it comes to. Let's say, relationship stuff. I'm like I can do it. II might be scared. But it's not gonna stop me, because I know that this is what I need to do, or because I'm trying to, you know, get a certain result, or move something forward, or or affect feeling between me and that other person, let's say so. Fear for me in relationships generally.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I don't get choked up. I don't get paralyzed. I get kind of nervous or anxious, but I still feel motivated to do something about it, but by contrast, like I was describing when it comes to fear in my work, or certain aspects of my work, maybe not all aspects, and II shouldn't even say my work when it comes to my business, or like promoting my business. Let's say that I can get that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that paralyzed fear, and you know I work on it. I feel those different parts, but you know it tends to be that it's like a paralysis. And so in that case.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when P. You know, people say to me and people would say, Well, you just gotta push through the fear I'm like, have you like? What like? I don't think you understand this kind of fear. Not trying to, you know. Attack that person or whatever. But it's one of those things. And I know if you felt this, too, where it's just this paralyzing where you're like. You know, or even like, for example, depression. I've been depressed, you know, in the past, and it's like feels like a million pounds or on top. And I may know that fear is fueling this feeling
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or this depression, and yet, you know, it's not as though I can push through it, if anything. Sometimes what happens when you try to push against or push through that paralysis. It gets heavier and harder, and it can actually have an even worse effect. So I've actually tried to do that. I've tried to push through those kinds of paralyzing fears before. And what ends up happening is, it's not as though I go. Oh, I'm feeling empowered and actually getting things done. Actually.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what ends up happening is, I have an even bigger meltdown, and it gets worse. And so, my point being that those are examples, at least in my life, and think about in your own life, where I, you know, talk about a motivating fear versus a paralyzing fear, or even a fear that or motivate. Yeah, motivating fear for paralyzing fear, even a fear that you can like push through, let's say versus, or that pushes. You see, that's another one, too.
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that pushes you to make a change or make a difference, or have that conversation, or achieve that thing versus one that actually is paralyzing and holding you back.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that's fear.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But you could also have that with other emotions, or even other inner parts. You know the inner critic. I've talked about how they're they're different types of inner critics. It's not as though all inner critics are like attacking and causing you to get smaller. Some do that right, and then you gonna shrink and you don't wanna step out. And because you're afraid of being criticized by other people, let's say, or afraid of getting hurt
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there in our critics. That also push us, that where the criticism actually motivates us to, let's say, work harder or do more to try to avoid being criticized, or to try to, you know, feel better about ourselves, or what have you? And so that's where this inner criticism, let's say can be either motivating or paralyzing can be either energizing or de-energizing can be either
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, pushing or pulling us back.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So there are different ways of experiencing emotions in different areas of our lives. And I think it's important to recognize what's the emotion that you're feeling. And just to notice is this motivating me? Or is this, or is this paralyzing me?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And to honor that? In other words, just kinda go. Okay, I'm feeling paralyzed by this, or okay. You know what this is actually motivating me. But ultimately it could end up pushing me too hard. And I could end up, you know, you know, going out of balance. I've worked with so many people who you see them on the outside. And you think, Wow, you're so successful and amazing. And they're out there cheating all these things.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And yet what's motivating them in a not so healthy way is that in our critic? Is there inner criticism? Or is shame, so shame can be either motivating or paralyzing.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it could be motivating in terms of we're trying to run, you know, outrun the shame that we're feeling, let's say or and again, that's our reaction to. Is that trying to outrun that shame? But then, on the other hand, shame can be that kind of feeling that actually makes us feel very dark, and
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it can also depend on for some. For, for for example, you know, there's some people who they go through those swings right? And I've done this to where I go through those swings where it's like, Yeah, there's sometimes when I'm feeling really energized and motivated, and it's being fueled, though, by that emotion. But then it catches up with me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and then it feels paralyzing. Indeed. So it's about our relationship with the emotion that can determine whether it's motivating or paralyzing. And mind you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I'm not necessarily trying to put a judgment on whether that's good or bad, you know. Well, I want emotions to be motivating me. I want them to energize me. And it's like, yeah. But the problem is, if you're if you are activated, based on
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: an emotion like anger or shame or fear, it may not necessarily be healthy. It may not actually have a positive result. I'll give you example, for example, typically. And this can happen with women, too. But typically with men, you know, sort of almost stereotypical, where men tend to avoid feeling sadness because and they intend go towards anger rather than sadness, because anger feels energizing and anger feels empowered.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But that's often because of conditioning that basically tells men or boys, you know that it's not okay to cry that it's not okay to feel sad or that you have to be tough. You have to be strong. And so what ends up happening is that to avoid that sadness there's the anger and the anger is trying to motivate. So, on the one hand. Yeah, that could be great, because anger can be used to get out of scary situations. It can be used to really charge forth and make a difference. It can be used for another
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of things. But then there's the sadness that's underneath it, and also that that anger can end up hurting people. You can end up becoming too aggressive in that unconscious avoidance of what's actually feeling it, which is the sadness because of the fear of the paralysis.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So you see how it's not necessarily entirely like oh, if it's motivating, then great, because it could be motivating you, and not so healthy direction, and you end up hurting people.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know we're hurting yourself as a result.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So I pretty much have covered some of the, you know some of the points. But I just, I guess as long as it just wanna bring up this as a in this point, it's more about kind of like a not a how to, but just an awareness thing, you know. Just be aware of how you react to that emotion. How that emotion causes you to behave, how it's feeling you, or holding you back or forwarding you
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and just noticing how emotions can be motivating or paralyzing how they can be energizing or de-energizing, and I will tell you that something that I actually ended up discovering with this one part of me that just came up recently, and I still need to work on him. Feels like a him is that I noticed that the effect he was having on me
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: was criticizing me. And it's so interesting, since, like so subtle and normally, when it comes to inner critics, or that kind of energy that's trying to shame me or criticize me is that I will sit and listen to it and honor it, and, you know, find out where it came from.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But instead, something prompted me this time to realize that no, I needed to set my boundaries with it. It had been paralyzing me so that, feeling that was coming up, that paralyzing fear. What he was doing to me was paralyzing me.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But once I started to like honor. Okay, this is paralyzing me, but it doesn't feel good for me. Then I actually started to feel motivated to basically set my boundaries with this part of me and say, No, not okay, to treat me this way.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so it's kind of interesting how, even just in that dynamic, there's the both end of it, and that actually, we can have parts of us and emotions inside of us that we can. We can actually shift our relationship with that part. Like I said. Normally, I'm tend to be more, you know, caring and kind. And I that's my gen. That's my my general approach. But sometimes it reaches a point where I realize that no, actually, I think this part of me is, it's
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's a call for me to set my boundaries with those kinds of behaviors, the way it was shaming me, or making me feel small or less than or worthless. And so it was kind of a good thing for me to have that shift. And I realized, wait a minute -
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: like, I'm not gonna negotiate with this guy. This guy's a bowling, and it's not okay. And this is not the kind of situation where it's about. Oh, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It may turn into that again. I haven't fully processed him. I've been kind of working on a lot of other things, but just kinda interesting way to look at it sometimes. You know, we do need to
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: have a different relationship with how we feel and that can determine. You know, that could be a motivating one or or a paralyzing one, but that can also determine. You know how we move through and out of it. So anyway, I realize this was me felt sort of like random. But I just I just think it's an interesting topic to think about that and to notice the dynamics. Maybe that's really what it is. It's about the dynamics that we have with those feelings that they have with us.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that, being aware of those dynamics can help. Shift can help shift the dynamics, the relationships that we have with them. And also you know how we move through and out of those
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: emotions that are causing us pain and stress and suffering alright hope. This is helpful for you as always. And, Emily, I already told you about my website ChangeLight dot world free course Drawing Out Process, you can learn my technique, which is so incredibly powerful and amazing. And also listen to. People actually go through the drawing up process and permanently, fully heal inner critics wounded in our children, all kinds of things to get in the way of us feeling truly pulled at peace.
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All right. I hope you're well, and I will see you next week.