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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | The Distance Between Victim, Rescuer, + Persecutor




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Emily Eldredge | Hello, Hello! Welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. I'm with ChangeLight, where I teach you inner work that accelerates your power. Excuse me, your power to make a difference in the world. This is what this is all about, helping each one of you light up with your beautiful, radiant light.


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Emily Eldredge | and have the greatest, most positive impact you can possibly have on the people around you and the world at large. So today I will be talking about an aspect of the Drama Triangle. If you offer not familiar with the Drama Triangle, you must know about the Drama Triangle. If you kind of heard of the Drama Triangle, you must know about the Drama Triangle. If you're really familiar with the drama. Triangle. Yes.


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Emily Eldredge | the whole world needs to know about the Drama Triangle. So what am I talking about here? Alright!


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Emily Eldredge | I did it forwards for me and backwards for me, and it looks like it's coming across as the bottom one is the correct for you. I hope that's correct. But in any case


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Emily Eldredge | this is the Drama Triangle, and that's backwards. Sorry. And I'm sorry it's messy. But this is the Drama Triangle. Okay? So the Drama Triangle before I get into the elements of it. Basically, anytime we are in an unhealthy dynamic with other people. So it could be family members. It could be at work, it could be, you know honestly, I've even seen some of the globally that basically.


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Emily Eldredge | if it's an unhealthy situation, unhealthy, dynamic between 2 or more parties.


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Emily Eldredge | Each person is playing one of these roles on roles on the Drama Triangle. Okay? So there's Persecutor.


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Emily Eldredge | Rescuer, and Victim. So think about any time you've been in any kind of conflict situation or unhealthy dynamic with the people around you that just either just wasn't changing or wasn't working, or there was all this conflict.


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Emily Eldredge | And just think about which role you might have been playing. Now, Persecutor, I mean, each role is pre self explanatory. The Persecutor tends to be the person who's attacking, criticizing, finding fault, and basically seeing others, or one person, as you know, bad or wrong or not, okay, or needing to change, or whatever. So that tends to be a Persecutor.


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Emily Eldredge | A Rescuer tends to be someone who's trying to rescue rescue. Maybe they're trying to rescue the Victim. That's to be trying to rescue the Persecutor, but they're playing the rescue or role of trying to fix help save whatever it is. This, if people or or anything in the situation


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Emily Eldredge | and Victim, is, as the name suggests, someone who feels like they're the Victim, powerless, weak, wounded, hurt? You know, helpless.


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Emily Eldredge | So these tend to be the roles that are played in unhealthy dynamic situations.


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Emily Eldredge | and well, you may look at it. You go! Oh, my gosh! I totally played the rescue role in this situation, or you know. Oh, I met. I've been the Persecutors sometimes. And well, yeah, I really did feel like I was the Victim because I was being attacked or I was being hurt, and everybody else thought they were all trying to help me. Whatever the case was, we've all can play these different roles in different situations depending.


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Emily Eldredge | But the point that I want to make today


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Emily Eldredge | is the fact that between each of these


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Emily Eldredge | notice what we have.


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Emily Eldredge | we have arrows. Now, they're not just going one direction. They're going both directions right back and forth.


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Emily Eldredge | So the idea is that it's a very short distance between playing the Victim


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Emily Eldredge | or acting like the Victim, or feeling like the Victim, and being the Persecutor, playing, the Persecutor, being in that Persecutor role, behaving in that way. Same thing with Rescuer. It's a short distance between these 2


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Emily Eldredge | that just because you may see yourself as a Victim, or you may see yourself as a Victim, but you can also end up playing a rescue role.


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Emily Eldredge | And the say, between these 2 people can slide between being Rescuer and Persecutor. Now, I'll just give you some really quick examples. I may have talked about this in previous episodes, but I just wanna go over this again because it's really really important to recognize that the distance between these is really short, because I want us to really recognize when we are slipping between these. First of all, being on the drama, triangle is unhealthy period. If you are on the Drama Triangle in any situation you are disempowered.


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Emily Eldredge | Okay, remember that you are not in a position of power. If you are playing any of these roles, and sorry there's a lot to say here. But basically the reason why that is is because this Persecutor there's the underlying belief. I am not okay unless


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Emily Eldredge | unless this Victim changes its ways. Unless this Rescuer stops doing what it's doing. Rescuer. I am not okay unless or as long as you know, this Victim is still hurting and in pain. And so there's this codependency here. There's this interrelationship here. And it's not healthy.


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Emily Eldredge | because basically, each of these people is laying their well-being at the feet of someone else, and that their well-being and their and their emotional health, their mental health, their everything. Health is is dependent on


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Emily Eldredge | somebody else, on the Drama Triangle. That is not healthy. Okay, there is a whole other triangle called the Healthy Triangle that was not not discovered or developed by the same person, but someone else. And that's a whole other thing. I may have even talked about it. You can look it up. But


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what I really want to impress upon today


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Emily Eldredge | is the fact that


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Emily Eldredge | we can slide. There is a short distance between these and that first of all, you don't want to be on the Drama Triangle, but also


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Emily Eldredge | be really aware, if you do notice, that you're playing one particular role. But then you also slide to some of the other roles.


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Emily Eldredge | So it's very common, I'm gonna say, especially with those of us who are change makers. Or, you know, really a helpers. And we want to make a difference is that sometimes, if we've been through this, you know situation, we've experienced Victimization that we wanna go into Rescuer. Okay, we wanna save people. We wanna save people from what we experienced ourselves.


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Emily Eldredge | And so going into Rescuer can be. It's all well intentioned, you know, I wanna help this person, but also we can end up taking away power from the Victim and actually not seeing them in their power, but what it can also do. There's where a Rescuer can become a Persecutor, the Rescuers trying to rescue the Victim. I'm trying to help you, and I'm doing all these things, and for a while the Victim is like, yes, yes, I can't do it myself, or or you know they they they tend not to.


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Emily Eldredge | Okay, they're in the Victim position. Let me just put it that way. Right? They're in the big. They're Victimized, or they feel powerless, or whatever. So the Rescuer might be like, Okay, I'm gonna rescue you. But then what happens when the Rescuer tries and tries and tries, the Victim doesn't change, no matter what the Rescuer does, and what how it tries to help that person, this Victim still. Oh, I can't do it myself, or you know they get really upset, or whatever it is.


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Emily Eldredge | You know, or if they feel like it's never enough, let's say, or maybe they criticize the Rescuer


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Emily Eldredge | right? In which case they'd be going into Persecutor role. But let's just say, you know, they're they're just not getting with the Rescuers program. The Rescuer can become a Persecutor and can start attacking the Victim and saying, Well, you're just so pathetic and helpless, and I've done all this stuff for you, and I tried to help you and save you and da Da, da, and you're just not behaving basically the way I want you to behave. That is where rescue work can become more like a Persecutor. Okay?


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Emily Eldredge | Or the Rescuer, on the other hand, might be like, nobody understands me and nobody, you know. And I'm always trying to do all this stuff for everybody, and they just don't care, and sometimes we can fall into the Victim mode of feeling like the whole world's against us, and there's nobody there to help us, and then we can end up being the Victim, and then not actually, maybe receiving the help that others are trying to give us, you see. So I wanna point this out


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Emily Eldredge | and let me make this clear. The reason why I'm bringing this up now


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Emily Eldredge | is partly because if there's geopolitical stuff going on right now.


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Emily Eldredge | And I am not. I'm not gonna like, say that you know this nation or this religion, or these groups, or these people, or whatever like they're doing this. And they're playing that. And they're doing this. I am not gonna like name names, as they say.


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Emily Eldredge | But I do want to point out


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Emily Eldredge | that these are also can play out in geopolitics. They can play out between our personal relationships, but they can also play out in a bigger way.


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Emily Eldredge | where maybe a group that's been Victimized can end up acting as a Persecutor, because in their sense of Victimization they're threatened by everything. And so then they feel like, you know, that they attack. Let's say


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Emily Eldredge | or maybe they, you know, genuinely, have been Victimized, but they end up being the attackers. Same thing, of course, with Rescuer, you know, you can have groups or nations, or whatever that see themselves in the Rescuer position.


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Emily Eldredge | But what ends up happening is that they end up treating the, you know.


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Emily Eldredge | end up treating this, this, this other, let's say nation or group, as a Victim. But then that actually ends up disempowering that group. This actually happens a lot. This is where I will say this, because this happens across the world when certain nations.


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Emily Eldredge | you know, with aid. They want to give aid to other countries. And yes, I mean, that's really really important. I'm not saying that shouldn't happen. But there's certain kinds of aid for certain periods of time, whatever that actually can ultimately end up disempowering. Those people like, for example, giving a lot of food to another country can actually end up disempowering and putting out of work the farmers in that other country.


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Emily Eldredge | And so that ends up, you know, where it's this really well intentioned Rescuer. But then it ends up having this kind of Victim effect, I guess, on the other group. So again, I'm not trying to name particular names I genuinely not trying to like, you know, criticize any group in particular, because I think you could say that all nations play this in some levels in different ways.


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Emily Eldredge | But that's the way. That's the main reason why bringing this up. Because I see this on a geopolitical scale. Not just, you know. So it's not just like within our personal relationship, but even on a bigger level. And I'm not saying this to try to somehow criticize or indict nations, or or any nation or never group or whatever in particular. But it's just something to pay attention to


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Emily Eldredge | when there's a kind of sea change. Or maybe there's a group where it's particular identity has been one of these, let's say. But then, because another group doesn't respond the way they want to, they can end up playing one of the other the other roles.


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Emily Eldredge | So II don't know. I just feel called to point this out, and just to offer that as a lens through which you can actually start to see more than just personal relationships. Obviously, this we have to clean this up in our personal relationships. If we're even gonna remotely, you know, clean it up in our in the world at large. You know, we gotta heal ourselves in order to kill the world.


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Emily Eldredge | But I just wanna bring this up as a lens through which we can see our personal relationships, our group dynamics, and even our global dynamics. And just be aware of when that could be happening, just to have an extra layer of understanding, or at least, you know, extra layer of like perspective. On what we're seeing.


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Emily Eldredge | so I don't know. This is helpful. I defined it really fascinating. I find it extremely helpful to be aware of this. I am in for myself, and even noticing that there's a situation in which I have


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Emily Eldredge | felt like I'm trying to get a certain results. And I have been, I would say, on the healthy triangle of things with that.


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Emily Eldredge | But I've noticed that I'm not getting a certain result that I personally want, and so I would say, rather than like, I don't wanna go into this, you know, just because I'm frustrated or angry with the situation. And so it's just another. It's another thing, too, that you can even point out. It's like there's a healthy triangle, too, that sometimes we can end up launching unwittingly into the Drama Triangle the unhealthy triangle


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Emily Eldredge | so. But in the meantime, if you do find that you are playing one or even all of these roles in any situations in your life. And but mind you, that could mean that you notice that you're playing the Victim when it comes to. You know your relationship with your kids. But you're playing the Persecutor when it comes to being the boss at work, or you're playing the Rescuer when it comes to being the boss at work, or you know whatever.


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Emily Eldredge | that this is something to be aware of, how we show up in different areas of our lives with different people. And then, anytime, we're any one of these


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Emily Eldredge | on the Drama Triangle when we're on the Drama Triangle, we are not in a healthy place. This is not an empowered, healthy, balanced place to be none of these. And so it's important to step off the Drama Triangle, go to the healthy triangle.


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Emily Eldredge | but also realize that sometimes we can switch between these that this is a very short distance between any of these. So just something to be aware of. I hope it's helpful, as always, I just trying to share information that I've been thinking about, and I hope it's helpful to you


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Emily Eldredge | alright, as always. Check us out, change like that world. Listen to my new of my podcast. II think I've got Episode 8 or 9 coming out this week. Very exciting stuff. I'm really getting the hang of actually turning up 3 h, drawing up process session into an hour, sometimes even 5 h, actually into an hour long episode. And I think they're getting better and better, so stick with me on this. I really hope you like them. I know there's tons of information in there, though.


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Emily Eldredge | to learn, and as you listen to someone else transforming their inner critics and inner walls and inner children heal as you hear those heal in real time pretty much.


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Emily Eldredge | you'll, you know, hopefully, have your own realizations about your own inner walls and critics and rodents and all that kind of stuff inside of you, and realize that those parts of you.


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Emily Eldredge | They can feel too alright, as always, my love to you. I hope you're well, and I will see you next week.


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