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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | What's Wrong with Wanting a Certain Outcome?





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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Hello! Hello! Hello, everyone, and welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good. I hope that you've been well this past week since I last spoke to you. And of course I can speak with you as well. You know you can always reach out to me anytime, but I really hope that what I share with you on this channel is really helpful in


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: helping you feel stronger and clearer, and gain some wisdom, and do some reflection on the kind of inner work that's necessary to really have a bigger impact and to feel better and to show up more fully in your life.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: today's topic is, what's wrong with having wanting a certain outcome. Right? What's wrong with that? I will cut the chase actually, and say there's nothing wrong


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: with wanting a certain outcome in your life, whether it has to do with relationships, or your job, or your visions, your dreams or your body or yourself. There's something wrong with wanting a certain outcome. But, as always, I've been reflecting on this from this past week, just because of some things that have kind of occurred in my life, and I really maybe consider about this whole idea of being


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attached to outcomes. Now, some of you who understand or have studied Buddhism. Is that that's something big, at least in Buddhism, right? Is, you know, not being attached to an outcome and other, I guess maybe other spiritual practices. You know, this is a similar thing, too. It's, you know, the lesson of non attachment. And sometimes that shows up when people talk about being, you know, being not attached to things. I think that's also a very Buddha


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: concept. Now, I do practice Buddhism, but I'm not an expert on Buddhism. And I know that sometimes we try to do that. Anyway. You know, when we realize that when we're too attached to attached to something that in that it doesn't happen that way, that that can cause pain, or even just that. It's a lot. It feels a lot more free


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: to not be so attached. And that's actually, ultimately, the essence that I wanna get to here. And what I wanna get to is not so much about attachment. 2 things, but really about attachment to outcomes like I mentioned, and the reason why this came up for me is because I had. I had a part of me that showed up, and it was a little girl, and she's so much pain was like all this grief.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and she's been there for a while, but I kinda hadn't, you know, tried to deal with her in my own way, but as usual, I needed help, and so of course, I talked to my husband. It's almost like it's sort of like I'm training my husband in my work just by him, helping me with my stuff. I don't know. It's kind of interesting. I've actually floated that with him, maybe teaching him the Drawing Out Process. I've never actually taught anybody in my work before.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: but he's quite good at it. So it's probably because of years of having gone through with me and listening to my podcast and all that kind of stuff and actually being there when I first started developing it. But the point is that I had this incredible grief. And so last night he really helped me in allowing that part of me to speak. It was just such


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: such despair and grief.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and she really is just. She was just in so much pain because she's seen me try so hard over the years to achieve certain things, and also from this belief of like by this age at this time, I feel like. I should have already achieved these things, or I should have already become this person or this project. You know that I really had such hopes, and has just fallen flat or failed, or whatever. And I've had a lot of that in my work in my life, and it's been


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: heartbreaking. Honestly, it is heartbreaking. It is so. It makes me so sad and upset. And at the same time it's kind of this creates this interesting conflict or struggle within me because I do have these other parts of me that are just like yes, and believe. And you know, feeling optimistic. And yet the reality is this this part that's just in so much pain. Because it's like, yeah, but it's not happening yet.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so I really, it occurred to me just this morning, like, what if I were to just let go of attachment to the outcome, to outcomes in my life?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And ultimately it comes down to something very practical, and that is that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: having attachments for me to certain outcomes, creates pain. Okay, now, let me break this down a bit. It can be the attachment to an outcome. Related to fear of there being a certain outcome.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: desires for a certain outcome, and then not having those desires realized, and then I fall into disappointment and despair. or at least parts of me do


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: it can be the. Was it like fear of desires for expectations of a certain outcome. Really think that? Oh, good! This is gonna be the thing that really helps propel me or my work. In my case, that's what it's about for you. It might be about relationships for someone else. It might be about their health. It could be all kinds of things.


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but really that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: no matter sort of what I how it plays out, whether it has to do with fear of, or expect, or expectation of, or desires for, whatever


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: there's disappointment I think inherent in all of that, or even the fear of disappointment, because things may not always turn out the way we want them to.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: or things may actually be turning out the way we ultimately want them to turn out. They may be actually leading us towards our heart's desire, but we don't see it yet


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: what we see is failure, sadness, disappointment, frustration. You know. We see that our fears are being realized. We see our dreams being dashed, we see our hopes falling apart, we see that things are happening the way we want them to happen. And what's coming to mind right now is that metaphor, that story where they say that you know it's like.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: It's like you have the the guy on the raft in the middle of the ocean, and he's like someone. Rescue me, please, someone. Come, help me. And he has this idea what that looks like. And then, meanwhile, you know, things actually happen to help him, you know. Maybe there's a ship passing, you know, and it offers to pick him up, and he's like, no, no, I'm good, you know. God's gonna help me. Oh, it's you know. Maybe he thinks that the helping will be just. I don't know something magical or different. But the point is, you know the the metaph, the story up, or the metaphor of


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Allegory whatever whatever the word is of God, you know. O saying, Well, God's gonna do this for me. And like basically, all these things come along to help the person, and the guy's like No, no, and says no to all of them. And then finally, the guys like dying, and he's like, God, why didn't you help me? And God's like, well, I did. And I actually brought you all of these things, but you didn't recognize them as forms of help. And so that's just a sort of a side story


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: to say that sometimes we can experience, sadness, fear, disappointment, because what's happening? We might see it as a disappointment. We might see it as an outcome we don't want. but actually it is


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: a blessing in disguise. It is actually guiding us in the right direction. Another story can be, you know, when a door closes, a window opens. But what if we don't see the window opening? We're just looking at the door closing, in other words, that we can be so attached to a certain outcome that we don't see the blessings


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: we can be so focused on one in a particular like this is what I'm going for, that when that exact thing doesn't happen, we can experience despair. We can feel like failures, etc., etc.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I've really been sitting with this of like, what if? And I've got big dreams. I don't know about you, but I've got big dreams, big visions, big hopes, big desires for what I want in my life, and yet at the same time, sort of


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: sometimes having that has caused me stress and fear and sadness when I feel like things aren't actually lining up the way I want them to.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and when I feel and then it, and then it sort of reinforces the sense of failure that I carry, that I have because of all the previous disappointments. And so it just occurred to me this morning and see how this is for you. You know, with something that you might be dealing with in your own like. What if I were just to let go of attachment to outcomes?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: What if I were to let go of fear, of desire for expectation of just what if, instead, I were to focus on 2 things.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: doing the best I can. and


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: underlying this, trusting in whatever results from that. So that's the first thing. So I'm just gonna put that out to you. And you could write this down.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: do the best you can and trust in whatever results from that. So let me just do that one. There's 2 of them I want to share with you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But it's like this is the first one. What if I'm just doing the best I can? And I believe that we actually all are. Renee Brown does a nice sort of short talk about this in which she is feeling frustrated with certain people in her life, and how like? Why don't they do better? And she asked her husband, you know, do you think that people are really doing the best that they can?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And her husband said, Yeah, they really do now. Could they do better, maybe. Should they do better? Sure. But what's the reality? They're doing? What they're doing? They're showing up. However, they're showing up, and maybe that's the best that they can do right now.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and how she noticed that how her husband felt such peace in that like he was so much more peaceful about other people when he was just like, you know what they're doing the best they can. And that doesn't mean that we can't offer suggestions, or we can't, you know, be supportive, or whatever, or set boundaries, whatever we need to do with that person. But just to understand that you know what that person is doing the best that they can. So what if we apply that brace to ourselves, and rather than attaching to certain outcomes in our lives, or at least like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: possibly creating pain for ourselves. I mean, like I have to achieve this thing, or else what if it's


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: what if I just do the best that I can, and trust in whatever results from that. Now, 2 examples come to mind. One is sort of the bigger example of, like an athlete who really pushes towards getting the gold right. And they spend 4 years working so hard. And like, I'm gonna win that gold medal. I'm gonna win that gold medal.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and it can be that thing that keeps them working towards something.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But what if they also recognize that I might might? I would like to win the gold medal. But at the same time I'm gonna focus on. I'm gonna do the very best that I can


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and trust in whatever results from that. Because what if the very best that you can do


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: is not quite as good as the person who wins the gold? What if you win the silver or the bronze. What if you place tenth, whatever.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But the the that person's very best was better than yours?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Okay, you know, the reality is that that was the reality.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so what if the mindset where I'm I'm gonna strive for the goal? But I'm also gonna just do the very best I can and trust him. Whenever results from that. you hear the difference, that there's so much more peace in that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I believe, and I'm all about being at peace with ourselves, because I believe that the more at peace we are with ourselves, the more we can shine our light and be at peace in the world. And then the more we create a peaceful world.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But like, imagine having that mentality, I'm just gonna do the best that I can and trust in whatever results, and that another way to put that is, you know. Let the chips fall where they may. That's another way of doing falling. Sounds a little bit kind of sad. But it's it's a metaphor. It's a good metaphor. Just alright. I'm gonna do the best I can.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And I'm gonna trust in whatever results from that, because it could be that there's some life lessons from not getting the goal that time. It could be that it really isn't about the outcome that you to which you're attached. It's really more about the growth


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and the athleticism, or the learning or the connections. The human connection that you make through that process of training and doing your very best and feeling good about yourself, knowing that you're doing your very best. See?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Another thought that comes to mind is for me. I've been having some really difficult conversations lately, and it's been really hard, because I've had to speak some Truth


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that have been actually screaming at me for a while, and then I finally have had clarity, and then I've had to because it because it feels right for me. I've had to express my Truth and say, here's the deal. And the thing is, it's very easy. When we have to make difficult choices like that, or have difficult conversations to wanna, try to control the other person's reaction to wanna kind of control the outcome. Well, if I say it this way, then maybe


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and I've let go of that. I just don't know. II cannot control how that person's gonna respond. I can't control what they choose as a result of whatever I say to them, I can't control how they choose to treat me going forward. I can't control any of that. I just know


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that I know that this is what I need to do, and this is the best thing that I can do, and I will do it the best way that I know how.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and let the chips fall where they may, and trust in whatever results from that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that leads to. My second thing is, do what you feel, or rather what you know. Do what you know is right


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and same ending trust in whatever results from that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: do what you know is right for you. and trust in whatever results from that. Again, for the same reason. because there's peace in it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: because there's inner peace in knowing that you're doing what you know, is right for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and just trust that you know what. However those people react is. However, they react. However things go from. There is, however, they go from there. But you know.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: because it's the only thing you can control that you're doing what's right for you. And just you know what trust that other people, whatever their feelings or reactions, they that's their job to take care of us. I've talked a lot about that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that we really can't control how other people respond to us.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: or whatever, or would other people do in reaction to what we do.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: or what we say, or what we choose? And so that's where there's that piece


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: of non attachment to outcomes of just I'm I just. I know that I'm doing what I know is right for me.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And I'm just gonna trust in whatever results from that. Whether that's you know certain. Path that I take, or certain success that you might achieve, or certain ways that you feel or so, or you know whatever


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: whatever trust in whatever results from doing what you know is right for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Okay, so those are the 2 things that I want you to think about. And there's a little another little thing I want to throw in there that can be a little bit of a bug, and I noticed this in myself, too. So the 2 things are, do the best you can.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and trust in whatever results in that. Do what you know is right for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and trust in whatever results from that. So I want you to take those 2. If you feel called to some situation in your life.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: or you might notice that you're really attached to outcomes.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: You really want a certain result, or you're you're trying to. I would say. One sign is, if you're trying too hard to control things you can't control.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: so just do the do. Do the best you can do what you know is right for you, and trust in whatever results from that, because there may be repercussions that you're not aware of that are actually really positive


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and ultimately empowering for you or for other people. But you don't even realize it's happening. So just trust in whatever results from that. Whatever the ripple effect is of that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: The 2 things I want to point out actually, one is notice when you even say that to yourself, like I'm doing that, I'm going to just gonna do the best I can and trust in whatever's result from that you may notice parts of you. I don't know. They might have some trouble with that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: because they may be parts that are attached to certain outcomes because of certain fears, because of certain expectations, because of fears of what would happen to them if it didn't work out, etc., etc. So those are the parts that I would say, do the Drawing Out Process which you can learn on change like dot world, join the free community completely free. No selling to you or anything. But just take the course. The Intro course in which I teach you how to draw out those parts.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: draw them out, get them out of you, get them on the paper so that you can be aware, start to really tune into like what's really going on with these parts. What is it that they're afraid would happen if you were to actually let go of attachment to that outcome. What is it that they said they should desperately desire? And why? Why do they want that outcome? Maybe it's because of some kind of fear, fear of something happening, or fear of something not happen.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So just something to be aware of the final thing, the one that I said was one of the bug that I want to share with you


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: is this because this is a little bit of a trick that can happen. And I noticed this happening right before I started the call.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: This this show episode is let also, in addition to letting go of attachment to outcomes, let go.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: What you think will result from letting go all right. And the reason why this is important let go


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: of your attachment to whatever outcome you want from letting go. And the reason why I'm aware of this is because I noticed that part of me was like, Well, yeah, if I just let go. Then things are gonna start happening for me. It's just gonna be magic. And it's just gonna be great. So yeah, I'm gonna let go.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But notice how, even in that thought of letting go inherent in that is an expectation of an outcome or a desire for an outcome. If I do this, then I'll get this result.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Yeah, if I let go of of it, of expectation, of a result, I'm going to get a certain result. Well, that's not really letting go. So just be aware that little trick of the mind that can happen that can get us trying to do that. And then it just sets us up for more disappointment.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So rather than those things focus on, just do the best you can. That's the best you can do.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Just do the best you can, and and know, and value and cherish and celebrate and honor the fact that you are doing the best you can with what you know right now.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: could you do better? Maybe at some point.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But if you're not doing better, it's because maybe you're not ready to, or whatever.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But right now we are all doing the best we can with what we know, and so are these parts of us inside. They're all doing the best that they can with what they know. So just honor the fact that you're doing the best you can with what you know and focus on that. Just be like, I'm just gonna do the very best that I can with what I know.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And you know this. Now trust in whatever results from that just trust.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Just go. Okay. I'm I what if if


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: if if you're doing the best that you can.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: what makes you think that you could do better if you already are doing the best that you can. What makes you think you could actually do better and then actually get a different result?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So just do the best with you can trust with trust in whatever happens from that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and do what you know is right, for you


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: do what you know is right for you, because if you're doing what's right for you, you're actually doing what's right for everyone.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: because what is right for you is what's most peaceful and empowering for you. In that case, then, you're going to show up better. You may end up inspiring other people


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: to do the same, to honor themselves and what's right for them.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But you can't control that. So just do what you know is right for you, and trust in


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: whatever results from that.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Alright as always. I hope this is helpful.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I love you. You're amazing. Thank you so much for listening and for watching. Please do connect with me. If you have any questions or thoughts or feelings And please do join our car, our community or course. Take the free course. And if you wanna hear people actually going through my work and getting massive results in just a few hours, like permanent healing of inner critics.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: inner wounded children. Things like that like amazing stuff. Listen to my podcast, okay. And you can find it on all the major apps. It's called Dark Light Truth.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Alright, I love you. I will see you next week. Take care! In the meantime.


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