TRANSCRIPT
WEBVTT
1
00:00:01.620 --> 00:00:10.139
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello Hello hello, and welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good, my name is Emily Eldredge I am your host I am the creator of.
2
00:00:10.620 --> 00:00:16.199
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: ChangeLight System, which is all about doing inner work that accelerates your power.
3
00:00:16.500 --> 00:00:28.200
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To change the world to really have an impact, and so in this show we've covered my ChangeLight System which I developed out of my own struggles as a changemaker as someone who's very purpose driven.
4
00:00:28.500 --> 00:00:31.740
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Knowing, I have a mission to serve and a purpose to fulfill.
5
00:00:32.010 --> 00:00:41.370
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that, but really struggling with my own inner blocks and triggers and moons and blind spots and all that kind of stuff that really gets in the way of us fully knowing our Truth.
6
00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:54.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Living our Truth and actually using it, bringing it into reality, changing the world in whatever ways we are called to, because that is what it's all about so um I.
7
00:00:54.690 --> 00:01:06.420
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: wanted to share today and I just felt I wanted to share today this concept of why do we lose ourselves what am I What do I mean by losing ourselves so.
8
00:01:07.440 --> 00:01:17.280
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: From time to time, I will get phone calls or text messages or emails from people, especially changemakers young changemakers people who have.
9
00:01:18.390 --> 00:01:30.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we're really working to make a difference in the world, and yet they have hit rock bottom they've hit a really bad space of feeling, you know, despair and hopeless.
10
00:01:30.660 --> 00:01:41.250
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And exhausted and even physically sick because of all their struggles and not necessarily knowing who they are having lost their sense of purpose and mission and.
11
00:01:41.670 --> 00:01:50.610
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and sense of self and so occasionally you know, usually they'll be people that maybe i've mentored in the past or they've seen me speak at an event.
12
00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:54.870
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And they'll reach out to me in this deep dark night of.
13
00:01:55.470 --> 00:02:04.650
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know of real of real helplessness and despair and really desperately needing help and support this just happened yesterday, actually, so this is why i'm thinking about this.
14
00:02:05.010 --> 00:02:16.200
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I have been that person before to who was so lost and I completely lost all sense of myself all sense of my self worth my purpose my my values my.
15
00:02:16.890 --> 00:02:32.340
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know everything, and so, so I get it and it this happens, a lot Franklin, as I said at the end of the call to this young changemaker who reached out to me I hadn't spoken to him at about six years, but he remembered me and that's why he reached out to me is that.
16
00:02:33.450 --> 00:02:35.700
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What I said to him, though, at the end, I said, you know what.
17
00:02:36.180 --> 00:02:43.890
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: don't worry you're alone you're not alone we all go through this those of us who are really trying to make a difference in the world, this is very.
18
00:02:44.130 --> 00:02:51.270
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Very common to go through a period and sometimes you got to go through it a couple of times before you really start to learn the lessons from it.
19
00:02:51.780 --> 00:03:05.370
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But to go through periods of really having lost any sense of who we are and why we're here or even that we've tried so hard to effect some change or to make a difference, or to.
20
00:03:06.480 --> 00:03:06.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know.
21
00:03:08.070 --> 00:03:20.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: fix the situation, and yet it feels like nothing that we're doing is helping and everything is falling apart, and we too are falling apart, so this was the situation with this young man who reached out to me and.
22
00:03:21.720 --> 00:03:31.050
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Basically, without going into specifics, because it's confidential, you know he comes from a certain cultural background where he's expected to show up in a certain way for his family.
23
00:03:31.410 --> 00:03:37.320
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so he's got societal pressures and family pressures and cultural pressures and.
24
00:03:37.770 --> 00:03:45.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Basically, his health is suffered and his emotionally he's really suffering and his relationships are suffering.
25
00:03:45.630 --> 00:03:56.940
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so there's just a lot going on, and you know he laid out basically a lot of his journey up until then, which is what i'm always curious about because it's not as though we end up in this space.
26
00:03:57.240 --> 00:04:03.510
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: In a vacuum, just like as i've talked about in previous episodes it's not as though we have these inner struggles.
27
00:04:03.810 --> 00:04:13.290
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: In a vacuum they come from somewhere these patterns that we have in our lives that lead to certain consequences they come from somewhere.
28
00:04:13.530 --> 00:04:21.960
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so it's really important to look at that, where are they coming from what are the patterns, what are the deeper struggles that have led to.
29
00:04:22.260 --> 00:04:33.780
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: These issues and how do you get out of it, you know how do we heal from this, so a lot of what I did with him, and this is what I typically do when people reach out to me when they're in this really bad state is I just listen.
30
00:04:35.070 --> 00:04:48.360
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I just listen and I honor their feelings, because a lot of times they're judging themselves for how they feel and also for where they are in their lives, and my whole lot of my job is no judgment.
31
00:04:48.900 --> 00:04:53.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: nope we're not judging and it would be hypocritical of me to judge anyway because i've been there before.
32
00:04:54.540 --> 00:05:06.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so just listening and realizing that it's a lot of it is that I would say that going back to the topic that we're really talking about here is, why do we lose ourselves what is it that causes us.
33
00:05:07.350 --> 00:05:29.190
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to lose ourselves to lose all sense of ourselves and sense of direction and clarity, etc, and basically it comes down to one thing that can be caused by a lot of other things subconscious and otherwise, but basically it comes down to when we're far too focused outward.
34
00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:42.570
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And not focused enough inward So when I say focused outward I mean if we're too focused on what's going on around us and not enough on what's going on inside of us.
35
00:05:42.870 --> 00:05:54.270
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: If we're to focus on other people and their issues and their dramas and not enough on what we need for ourselves if we're too focused on getting a certain results.
36
00:05:55.230 --> 00:06:05.460
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Achieving a certain goal but we're losing touch or we're not in touch with how we're feeling or what's going on inside of us as we're seeking that.
37
00:06:05.730 --> 00:06:14.820
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: External thing so it's when we have too much focus outwardly and not enough inwardly or like when we're trying to.
38
00:06:15.090 --> 00:06:30.690
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Basically, get something externally, to try to fix what's going on internally so it's this external focus, I mean it makes sense right, why do we lose ourselves well when we're too focused on everything else, when our energy our attention.
39
00:06:33.150 --> 00:06:43.290
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is directed outward and thus our mental well being our emotional well being our spiritual well being our relationship well being all these things.
40
00:06:43.650 --> 00:06:55.650
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Are our two there too dependent and reliant on what's going on outside or we have our expectations are that what's going on outside will somehow have an impact inside.
41
00:06:56.340 --> 00:07:14.250
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And we're not paying enough attention and honoring what's going on inside, so why do we do this, there are a lot of reasons why we end up doing this, so I mentioned in the young man who, with him, I spoke that.
42
00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:24.420
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: As I mentioned in his story, a lot of its cultural a lot of it is in his culture he's expected to put family first all the time.
43
00:07:25.260 --> 00:07:31.170
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or even in certain family cultures it doesn't even have to be some kind of societal culture, sometimes within our own cultures when they're.
44
00:07:31.590 --> 00:07:41.820
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Within our own families that's what's expected of us it's very common, for example, for women to be expected to put family and others ahead of themselves.
45
00:07:42.300 --> 00:08:00.120
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, a lot of times, it can be, because we were taught to be that way that's what was expected of us that's what was modeled for us to put others first, and when I say others I mean put their feelings first put their needs first.
46
00:08:01.110 --> 00:08:11.160
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To that basically that because that's what we're taught consciously subconsciously because that's what's modeled for us, we then come to believe.
47
00:08:11.580 --> 00:08:22.200
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That their fill in the blank matters more or is more important than our fill in the blank so it can be that they're feeling their feelings.
48
00:08:22.500 --> 00:08:32.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: are more important than our feelings their needs are more important than our needs their desires are more important than our desires and so we don't even realize.
49
00:08:33.180 --> 00:08:44.790
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How much of ourselves, we are giving away to other people's needs and desires and whims and you know, whatever you know, whatever their goals are in life.
50
00:08:45.390 --> 00:09:00.120
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or or even i'm trying to placate because you know we're afraid of how they're going to feel, and so what happens is we become so outwardly focused and we lose connection with what's going on inside, how is this making me feel.
51
00:09:00.930 --> 00:09:11.130
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know and realizing even that my feelings matter our feelings matter too, but unfortunately again the way we're taught the way we are.
52
00:09:11.820 --> 00:09:27.540
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: programmed the messages that we receive the influences around us teach us that no actually others are more important and so as a result, we unconsciously, become more focused outward on others and we don't even consider.
53
00:09:27.870 --> 00:09:37.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: ourselves and our own needs, because it's just never been you know shown to us or we've never had there's never been space for it, or we never felt like we were allowed to do that.
54
00:09:38.730 --> 00:09:48.030
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another reason why we tend to focus outward or lose ourselves and end up having more of an outward focus than an inward focus.
55
00:09:48.450 --> 00:09:57.570
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is a lack of appropriate boundaries, now that lack of appropriate boundaries is can be because of what we were taught.
56
00:09:57.900 --> 00:10:06.450
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know it's we're taught that other people's needs are more important than our own, and especially if those people think that their needs are more important than our needs or feelings or what have you.
57
00:10:06.870 --> 00:10:17.460
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Then oftentimes that boundary is either very squishy and porous or non existent we don't even know what our boundaries are.
58
00:10:17.850 --> 00:10:28.140
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: knowing what our boundaries are is extremely vital to even being able to set boundaries to even being able to know.
59
00:10:28.350 --> 00:10:40.770
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Where we end and others begin, if you don't even have a sense of your own boundaries, well then you're gonna be focused more on what's going on with other people.
60
00:10:41.040 --> 00:10:52.590
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And not honoring enough what's going on with you, and what you need and when that happens, then what happens then your energies out and and you're losing yourself.
61
00:10:52.830 --> 00:11:03.960
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Your energy is spread out to your focus your attention is spread out so it's out there and it's not where it really should be is in here.
62
00:11:04.380 --> 00:11:11.430
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Where I know who I am I know what I need I know how I feel, and I can honor all of those.
63
00:11:11.850 --> 00:11:21.870
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Independently of whatever is going on around me or what other people expect of me if I know this is right for me, then I can do this for me or I can honor this for myself.
64
00:11:22.560 --> 00:11:28.500
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So we tend to have we we lack boundaries, because we don't know where they are maybe we were never taught.
65
00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:38.670
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That it was okay to have boundaries, maybe we tried to set a boundary when we were children and someone basically said no, you can't think that way or undermined.
66
00:11:38.880 --> 00:11:48.240
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That boundary that we set, and so we come to question it we came to doubt it this happens, a lot with, for example, children, you know I know some people who have.
67
00:11:48.630 --> 00:11:55.590
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Some of my friends who have children and they're very they've had they've had their boundaries violated and some pretty horrible ways and so.
68
00:11:55.830 --> 00:12:08.070
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: they're very, very tuned into what are their child's boundaries like when is my child expressing a boundary and how can I honor that boundary because a lot of times as children were basically taught to dismiss.
69
00:12:08.580 --> 00:12:18.450
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Our boundaries around you when it comes to certain things when it comes to our own physical you know, a physical space when it comes to our emotional space.
70
00:12:19.260 --> 00:12:25.530
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: When it comes to you know all kinds of things because, basically, I mean it could be something very simple, as you know.
71
00:12:26.220 --> 00:12:30.450
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: A child meeting a new person and the child is immediately scared.
72
00:12:30.750 --> 00:12:41.610
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you know if you tell the child, no, no, no, no don't be scared you should you know go and say hi to that person and sort of basically not honor the fact that that child is having some boundary issue or some feelings around this.
73
00:12:42.450 --> 00:12:51.720
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Then, as children, we can unconsciously come to believe that how we feel doesn't matter and that we really shouldn't even listen to how we feel we should just do what we're told or do what we.
74
00:12:52.080 --> 00:13:04.770
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: think we should do rather than checking in with ourselves and so that's how like, for example, how boundaries can end up getting dismissed disregarded ignored violated.
75
00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:15.600
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And we end up not really knowing where they are, although we'll talk about this later, there is a part of us that does know what our boundaries are and so it's all about really listening to that part of us.
76
00:13:17.100 --> 00:13:19.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But what happens is, of course, we then give our power away.
77
00:13:20.130 --> 00:13:31.440
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so we lose ourselves, I mean literally, if you think of yourself as, and this is exactly the best metaphor, but you know they talk about filling your own cup okay if you're a cup and you don't have any boundaries or then guess what.
78
00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:39.480
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: All that energy gets you know sloshed ever read that water whatever's inside that cup just was gone.
79
00:13:39.810 --> 00:13:47.640
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it's all diffuse and so who are you and you know what, how do you know what's right for you, and how can you actually really.
80
00:13:47.970 --> 00:13:53.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: honor of what's right for you, if you if all of that just gone everywhere else, and you don't have any boundaries.
81
00:13:54.900 --> 00:14:01.710
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so you end up with an empty cup and you have nothing left to give which is basically a lot of times the situations.
82
00:14:01.950 --> 00:14:12.570
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That these young people when they call me in these states of you know, real desperation and feeling so last is because they've spent a lot of energy.
83
00:14:12.840 --> 00:14:21.870
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That they're their energy's been spent outwards and they haven't done enough to really honor what's going on in take care of what's going on in words so.
84
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:31.440
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: A third reason is that that we often are focus too much outward and not enough in word or why we often lose ourselves is because.
85
00:14:32.430 --> 00:14:45.030
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's a coping mechanism when don't know what to do with ourselves so i'll use myself in this example I don't remember if i've shared this before, but with 911 so I was a first responder at 911.
86
00:14:45.480 --> 00:14:55.080
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And what I didn't realize at the time, is that basically i've been struggling up until then really trying to figure out what's my purpose Why am I here to be what am I here to do.
87
00:14:55.410 --> 00:15:02.190
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I felt very directionless I felt very sort of I felt very worthless like because I felt like I wasn't helping anybody in my life.
88
00:15:02.670 --> 00:15:12.540
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: 911 happened and I went down to ground zero right away to to be support and to be helpful and because I felt called to be there and because.
89
00:15:12.900 --> 00:15:29.310
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I just knew I had a purpose to serve there, but also, as I look back it served a purpose for me to basically focus on other people and try to solve other people's emotional problems because I didn't know what to do with my own.
90
00:15:30.300 --> 00:15:46.590
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because I was lacking enough self awareness about what was going on with me, I was lacking self worth meaning like valuing myself and how I felt and also I up until then, though had tried to you know.
91
00:15:47.160 --> 00:15:59.700
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: tried to find a sense of purpose, etc, but I just couldn't find it I wasn't coming to me yet, and so I didn't ultimately I look back and i'm like I didn't know what to do with myself.
92
00:16:00.570 --> 00:16:09.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But I felt like I could help others, and so it became the like an addiction in which talk about no boundaries, I had no boundaries.
93
00:16:09.540 --> 00:16:16.230
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Talk about being completely outwardly focused and totally disconnected from from what was going on inside of me.
94
00:16:16.650 --> 00:16:25.200
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's where I was and what ended up happening is I ended up hurting my body my skin started breaking down, I was getting all kinds of.
95
00:16:25.530 --> 00:16:31.770
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Physical problems and emotional problems because I wasn't taking care of myself and I even had people around me.
96
00:16:32.040 --> 00:16:38.700
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Who were saying you know we're concerned about you Emily we're worried about you, you know it really looks like you need to stop and take care of yourself.
97
00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:44.160
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But but but focusing on everybody else was CERT with it was actually doing such a great job.
98
00:16:44.430 --> 00:16:52.170
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of keeping me from thinking about myself I didn't want to think about myself I didn't know what to do with myself I didn't know what to do with my lack of purpose I didn't do.
99
00:16:52.500 --> 00:16:59.070
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: know what to do with my lack of direction and focus in my life I didn't know what to do with all of these insecurities and.
100
00:16:59.370 --> 00:17:04.530
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What ultimately realized, it was like self loathing because I just you know, I was really struggling with a lot.
101
00:17:05.130 --> 00:17:15.510
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So I didn't know what to do with me, so it was easier for me to just I could just distract from myself and forget myself.
102
00:17:15.930 --> 00:17:23.220
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: by throwing myself into other people's problems other people's and dramas other people's emotions.
103
00:17:23.700 --> 00:17:39.660
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But as I said, what happened was my losing myself caused me to break down caused me to get sick caused me to then not actually be able to serve those people, because I wasn't taking good enough care of me I mean it's that classic.
104
00:17:39.960 --> 00:17:52.050
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, on the airplane put the mask on you, the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on anyone else I didn't even know how to do that, and in fact I really had never been modeled for me self care.
105
00:17:52.560 --> 00:18:05.670
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or self consideration, if anything, a lot of the messages I had gotten growing up or no, you got to take care of everybody else, or you or he was alive was unconscious you know suppressing your own feelings in favor of other people's feelings.
106
00:18:06.300 --> 00:18:14.460
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know that we're here to serve and make a difference and try to make life better for other people, because you know we're already in such a you know we're in good enough situation ourselves.
107
00:18:14.730 --> 00:18:24.030
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So there was a lot of subconscious and conscious messaging around that no other people are more important than you and you're here to make a difference in their lives.
108
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:32.400
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But and but the unintended consequence of that was me completely denying myself, you may identify with some of this.
109
00:18:32.670 --> 00:18:41.340
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Especially if you're a changemaker you're someone who serves and tries and wants to take care of other people, or who is expected to take care of other people so.
110
00:18:42.270 --> 00:18:44.670
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You might pay attention to how.
111
00:18:45.300 --> 00:18:57.540
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Focusing on other people is actually serving that that other purpose of really keeping you from dealing with yourself, because you really don't know what to do with yourself at least that's how it was for me I didn't know what to do with my own feelings.
112
00:18:58.260 --> 00:19:07.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then finally we're often we focus outwardly more than inwardly survey hairs like annoying me and sorry my fussing with it annoys you.
113
00:19:08.310 --> 00:19:20.610
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um so but is the whole the believing and this kind of goes with what the previous point that when we believe that something outside of us.
114
00:19:21.300 --> 00:19:33.930
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: will satisfy something inside of us so maybe we are aware that we're unhappy and maybe we know that we've got problems or struggles, or what have you.
115
00:19:34.950 --> 00:19:47.280
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And, and yet, rather than really face and address what's going on inside by like facing it directly and getting honest with ourselves and.
116
00:19:47.940 --> 00:20:01.740
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: doing the deep scary sometimes scary inner work to heal those parts and also getting help for that, because we can't all just do it by ourselves, we sometimes really need help for the ones that we carry in the Defense mechanisms.
117
00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:18.090
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is that when we that we tend that we might experience this often how it happens that something we do externally, so it could be, maybe we drink a certain drink, maybe we take a certain pill, maybe we.
118
00:20:18.990 --> 00:20:33.240
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: buy something at the store, you know, there could be any number of things, or maybe it's relationships, maybe we're like I go into you know you go into a relationship and it gives you a certain feeling that makes you feel better.
119
00:20:34.530 --> 00:20:45.750
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That can become a never ending cycle of we look for external things to fix what's going on with us internally or to try to fix.
120
00:20:46.080 --> 00:20:56.760
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what's going on with us internally, so those things and it's common you know it could be, it can become like a shopping addiction, it can become an actual like drug addiction or alcohol addiction.
121
00:20:57.030 --> 00:21:05.400
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It could be relationship it, you know just cereal going into Syria relationships, where it's like as soon as you enter one you immediately jump into another.
122
00:21:05.820 --> 00:21:11.310
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um it can be pleasure seeking that that's that's never fully satisfied.
123
00:21:11.700 --> 00:21:20.550
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It can be you know sort of like adrenaline junkies can be like this, where it's like they get their adrenaline hit with one activity, but then soon after they need another hit, you need another hit.
124
00:21:20.790 --> 00:21:27.750
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so we're like looking for those neuro chemical hits that's actually what's often happening we're getting these neuro chemical hits.
125
00:21:27.990 --> 00:21:36.570
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That are giving us a momentary rush that are giving us relief from whatever struggles that we're having our emotional issues that we're having.
126
00:21:36.870 --> 00:21:49.320
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it can become a cycle and then we can also end up having the belief that well, that is, that something externally will actually fix what's going on with me internally.
127
00:21:49.770 --> 00:21:59.100
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that was something personally that I I suddenly became aware of that, I didn't realize, I was subconsciously believing and enacting was.
128
00:21:59.550 --> 00:22:08.640
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: back when in my dark night of the soul, when my relationship fell apart the business fell apart and I lost all sense of purpose and direction and I went into a dark night of the soul.
129
00:22:08.970 --> 00:22:17.370
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I had no even sense of spiritual connection, nothing is that one of the realizations I had that really helped me actually start to come out of it.
130
00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:35.520
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Was I realized that I unconsciously had been expecting that relationship that business those conditions this situation, etc, etc, etc, I have been expecting that those things would be the things that bring me joy.
131
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:42.450
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But then what happened when it all fell apart, what happened when they all went away, I was left with no joy.
132
00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:54.000
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because I had basically put my onus of joy, if you will, like the where I believe to be the source of joy outside of me.
133
00:22:54.540 --> 00:23:11.220
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Out there in other people and other circumstances and conditions, therefore, when those people were gone, or they didn't meet my expectations are they didn't meet my conditions or the situation fell apart.
134
00:23:12.510 --> 00:23:23.040
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there's my my my joy what I thought was my source of joy was gone so then how did I feel no joy because I put it out there.
135
00:23:23.970 --> 00:23:42.000
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the realization that I had when I was in that dark night of the soul was wait a minute, where do I actually feel joy like where does the feeling of joy come from, and we can talk about this with anything peace joy, you know clarity, whatever where is that feeling is it out there.
136
00:23:43.230 --> 00:23:59.070
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: No it's in here, this is where I feel joy, this is the true where I should have my own is of joy and that's, not to say that other people or situations can spark that joy within me but, ultimately, this is where I feel it.
137
00:23:59.730 --> 00:24:11.130
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, this is where I need to find it I need to find it within myself, because as long as i'm putting it out there and expecting other people to bring me that feeling, then my power i'm giving them.
138
00:24:11.550 --> 00:24:19.920
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: My power and i'm giving them that power to determine how i'm feeling inside and need to bring that power back in me.
139
00:24:21.060 --> 00:24:24.030
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, that was a big realization that I had.
140
00:24:24.300 --> 00:24:32.790
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: When I was that really started to help me come out of that dark night of the soul and start to face what what were the parts of me that we're getting in the way of me feeling that joy.
141
00:24:33.030 --> 00:24:43.740
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: which I detailed with you know talking about exPowers that's how I discovered those extra hours, I discovered the inner critics and the monsters, and the blocks and the will the walls and the wounds and all that.
142
00:24:44.040 --> 00:24:52.530
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That we're getting in the way of me actually being aware of and tuned into my true joy, which is inside of me.
143
00:24:53.130 --> 00:25:01.530
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it's not dependent on this person or that person or this job or that business or you know this haircut or that outfit.
144
00:25:02.460 --> 00:25:21.270
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Where this purse know it's all about it being inside of me, and so I realized how i've been giving my power over and that's why i'd lost myself, so it was only by all that falling apart that it brought me back to me.
145
00:25:22.620 --> 00:25:28.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that is what I talked about with the young man yesterday and i've talked about it so many other young people.
146
00:25:29.070 --> 00:25:36.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: who come to me when they're everything is falling apart, they fallen apart on the inside, and I say it's because you've been so focused on trying to take care of everybody else.
147
00:25:37.770 --> 00:25:48.600
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And wanting them to be happy or wanting the situations with them, or if the situations outside of you to be such that, then you feel like you can be okay.
148
00:25:49.830 --> 00:26:05.760
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But when we when we put our when we have those expectations and we when when our expectation, when our sense of joy and peace and clarity and wisdom and compassion like whatever it is that we want to feel inside when those are reliant on things outside of us.
149
00:26:07.140 --> 00:26:15.630
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's not going to work it doesn't work, because then, when that thing is gone, then we have this catastrophic will then who am I.
150
00:26:16.530 --> 00:26:31.350
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, and how am I ever going to get that feeling again if we think that that one person is the one person who could give us that feeling or that sense of safety or whatever the feeling is so it's all about bringing it back in, and so, then that leads to.
151
00:26:32.460 --> 00:26:40.440
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The answer to why we lose ourselves when we're too outwardly focused when we're not focused enough on ourselves now, this leads, though, to.
152
00:26:40.890 --> 00:26:53.370
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What has become my personal approach and what I think is the most peaceful approach when we find that we've lost ourselves we're way out of balance we're way too focused on on things outside of us and we're not.
153
00:26:54.120 --> 00:27:03.000
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: tuned in and honoring and healing in what's going on inside of us, so that is the main thing is to put the focus back in works.
154
00:27:03.600 --> 00:27:12.960
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And the way to do that is with that one of the ways is with that inner Sovereign that we talked about in the emPowers i've talked about the three types of emPowers your inner Sovereign is the part of you.
155
00:27:13.320 --> 00:27:21.150
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That knows your Truth knows your boundaries knows what's right and wrong for you knows your sense of spiritual connection.
156
00:27:21.690 --> 00:27:29.070
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so it's the part of you that can help you start to reconnect with what feels right for me.
157
00:27:29.610 --> 00:27:38.310
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What works for me now, mind you, as you start to do this you're going to run into some resistance is because you'll have parts of you that are like.
158
00:27:39.090 --> 00:27:46.620
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Well, who am I if i'm not so self sacrificing who am I if i'm not always there for that person who am I if i'm not in that relationship.
159
00:27:47.400 --> 00:27:58.830
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or they're going to judge me they're not going to like me they're going to think i'm being a jerk if i'm focused on my more focused on myself etc so we're going to where you're going to run into those exPowers that are going to have those fears.
160
00:27:59.190 --> 00:28:09.270
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that are going to want to resist you actually really truly focusing on and honoring yourself and that's where you know, as I talked about in my work with the Drawing Out Process, you can heal those.
161
00:28:09.630 --> 00:28:15.870
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: My ChangeLight System that's what I teach you is how to heal those parts of you this exPowers those inner struggles those blocks those.
162
00:28:16.710 --> 00:28:22.500
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: wounds those blind spots, the triggers etc they get in the way of you feeling fully whole and at peace.
163
00:28:23.040 --> 00:28:31.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, but the whole point is your Sovereigns the one that you can tune into an ask it questions like what would feel good for me.
164
00:28:32.760 --> 00:28:40.710
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um what's one thing I can do today, that would feel good for you suffering because when we do what feels good for our Sovereign it helps us do what feels good for us.
165
00:28:41.190 --> 00:28:55.500
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Also honoring the other end powers to by honoring all three of our emPowers we're allowing these parts that are within us whose job it is to empower us to be our highest brightest selves and live our highest Truth.
166
00:28:55.950 --> 00:29:07.800
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we're actually asking them what would feel good for them what's one small thing I can do today that was still good for you and you ask each of those and their answers will ultimately fulfill you.
167
00:29:08.100 --> 00:29:16.140
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: If it feels good for your emPowers it feels good for you So these are ways that you can start to create that sense of inner validation.
168
00:29:16.680 --> 00:29:27.330
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And in our wholeness and inner peace and enjoyment, because you're asking what would feel good for you, you asked her emPowers but you're also ultimately asking what would feel good for me.
169
00:29:27.930 --> 00:29:41.520
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And tuning back into what feels good and right for you the resistance is to that will often be because we're afraid of how others will react if we actually do care for ourselves in tune into ourselves.
170
00:29:41.970 --> 00:29:53.190
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But and and so there's there's ways that it's it's a process there's a lot of things that get in the way, but ultimately, there is no peace and denying yourself.
171
00:29:53.670 --> 00:30:06.930
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There just isn't I mean you can try to live your life, such that you're satisfying everybody else, and all of their expectations of you and completely sacrificing yourself to other people or focusing outward.
172
00:30:07.350 --> 00:30:13.710
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I personally have never seen that work i've just never seen it work even Mother Teresa who i've.
173
00:30:14.730 --> 00:30:21.000
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: talked about her a bit before, but even Mother Teresa you know she was so self sacrificing.
174
00:30:21.930 --> 00:30:27.240
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But she also had a pretty good sense of boundaries, but also she suffered from being in a dark night of the soul for decades.
175
00:30:27.780 --> 00:30:38.640
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So as much as she gave to others, she really felt empty herself, I personally don't think that's most sustainable way to live, I personally don't choose to live that way I have tried that and that's when I broke down.
176
00:30:39.630 --> 00:30:47.910
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But anyway, the point also what i'm getting to, though, is that it's important to retune into self knowing that you matter.
177
00:30:48.360 --> 00:30:57.840
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you are valuable your feelings matter your needs matter, even if other people want to tell you differently, because maybe it serves them.
178
00:30:58.470 --> 00:31:05.280
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Or maybe them thinking that way and teaching you to think that way is a way of trying to protect you they think they're protecting you.
179
00:31:05.700 --> 00:31:17.550
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Ultimately, you matter your feelings matter your purpose in life matters your Truth matters so it's about reconnecting and loving the Sovereign to help you do that, and the other emPowers as well.
180
00:31:18.330 --> 00:31:29.580
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Also it's when, as you do that, then you can establish and feel and start to recognize what are your appropriate boundaries for you, where do I and others begin.
181
00:31:29.970 --> 00:31:37.860
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you start to take responsibility for what's yours and letting go of what's others, so that can be in an interaction that you have with someone.
182
00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:45.720
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Where it's like you know if someone might even be wanting to blame you and accuse you and say that everything's your fault is it really all your fault.
183
00:31:46.110 --> 00:31:53.280
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's where you kind of parse it out and look at and go wait a second which part is mine and which part is not mine.
184
00:31:54.150 --> 00:32:05.670
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so we can take responsibility for what's ours, and anything that's not ours that's where you can also start to see a boundary and say no actually that's not my job or that's not what i'm not responsible for that part of it.
185
00:32:06.390 --> 00:32:10.950
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So a lot, you know, using the Sovereign to help you recognize your boundaries.
186
00:32:11.310 --> 00:32:23.760
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and establishing boundaries and communicating them sometimes boundaries don't show up except first with anger because it's only after we've felt violated or only after we've become resentful and depleted.
187
00:32:24.090 --> 00:32:30.450
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That we can start to feel angry and resentful because basically we've given our power over to others and others have really taken it.
188
00:32:30.900 --> 00:32:40.710
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: For example, but so anger can be one of those things that inner Defender energy, if you will, can be one of those those those signals that says, you know what.
189
00:32:41.310 --> 00:32:57.480
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I need to set some better boundaries here so that's something to recognize, ultimately, as you have the boundaries and you're working with your Sovereign and calling for the three emPowers really ultimately to me the most balanced approach when it comes to.
190
00:32:58.830 --> 00:33:12.840
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Listening to self and being an in connection with others, is the both and it's always a both and either or is you know all or nothing black or white it's too extreme, but when we can be in both and so that is.
191
00:33:13.290 --> 00:33:18.510
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I am tuned into myself I know what's right for me, I do what's right for me.
192
00:33:18.930 --> 00:33:33.120
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And at the same time, I can be aware of what's going on with others, I can be aware of others needs, and I can tune into self and determine whether or not Is this something that I, you know, can do with them, or for them.
193
00:33:33.990 --> 00:33:47.610
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And, and to to be in that both and balance so it's not all about me giving myself over but me going how much of myself, am I willing to give to this person or this situation and what am I not willing to give.
194
00:33:47.940 --> 00:33:56.850
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, being aware of that, in the both end because when we try to do everything for everyone else or fix their problems for them what we actually do.
195
00:33:57.120 --> 00:34:06.720
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is deny them the opportunity to discover that they have wisdom and power in this scenario to that they can use and they can.
196
00:34:07.170 --> 00:34:20.520
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: bring to bear and that they're responsible for we're not responsible for the way other people behave, but we are responsible for how we behave and how we show up and so that's what that's about two is starting to recognize.
197
00:34:21.210 --> 00:34:30.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What am I responsible for what am I not responsible for, and only doing what you're responsible for what you can control and other people are responsible for their things.
198
00:34:31.170 --> 00:34:40.200
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know their behaviors etc, and how they show up so it's all about really connecting with yourself learning how to say no.
199
00:34:40.830 --> 00:34:49.620
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: With an empowered know you can learn how to say an empowered yes as well, and being in the both and being in the balance of being tuned into yourself.
200
00:34:50.010 --> 00:34:57.870
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And sometimes it takes us having to completely lose ourselves before we finally do realize that we do need to tune into ourselves.
201
00:34:58.140 --> 00:35:05.130
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Unfortunately that's just what happens sometimes that's that's what's happened to me that's what happened with that young men that's what's happened with a lot of other people i've.
202
00:35:05.700 --> 00:35:10.110
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: worked with and mentored over the years is really getting them back in touch with themselves.
203
00:35:10.410 --> 00:35:16.650
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because you are the one you're the only one who knows, your Truth and you have all the power, you need to be who were here to be.
204
00:35:16.950 --> 00:35:25.770
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: With that power is everywhere else, then it's not there for you to do so it's all about really bringing it back in and really tuning in because then, then.
205
00:35:26.250 --> 00:35:32.070
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: When you're fully in tune with yourself and fully empowered within yourself then that's when you can show up better.
206
00:35:32.670 --> 00:35:38.340
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: For others that's when you can be the brightest wisest most peaceful presence.
207
00:35:38.970 --> 00:35:48.210
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And light for others and in every situation that's actually the greatest power that you can have is by really being so tuned into yourself.
208
00:35:48.570 --> 00:35:54.900
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That that you're showing up with your brightest light, so I hope this has been helpful in understanding.
209
00:35:55.140 --> 00:36:04.830
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Why, we tend to lose ourselves to outwardly focused not enough inwardly focused, but that ultimately it's about balance and it's about really being tuned in.
210
00:36:05.130 --> 00:36:11.340
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To self and at the same time being in connection with others, but ultimately I would always really end up saying that.
211
00:36:11.730 --> 00:36:18.990
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's really about you being so tuned into yourself that you can be in healthy and safe connection with others, because, as I often say.
212
00:36:19.380 --> 00:36:31.050
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries, and in order for us to have healthy boundaries with others before we really got to recognize that for ourselves and value ourselves enough.
213
00:36:31.380 --> 00:36:42.780
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To have those boundaries and communicate them and and hold them alright, I hope, this has been helpful, as always, thank you so much for listening and I will see you again next week.
214
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:50.310
Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: See you again sorry I hit a button and I get confused, I will I will see you again next week.