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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | Can People Fundamentally Change?





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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge, with Change Light. I'm so happy to have you here, as always, we are all about doing inner work that accelerates your power to be the best version of yourself that you can be to shine your brightest light and have the biggest impact on the world, the biggest, most positive impact on the world, whatever that is for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: so the question today is 10 people fundamentally change. This was a conversation my husband and I had yesterday, as we were driving the 5 h drive from Vermont to New York after a long weekend for Memorial Day, and we just finished watching this last weekend, the succession finale. So if you haven't seen succession oh, my


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: God, it's an amazing show. It's so brilliantly done. It's awesome, highly highly recommended. it's it's really an extraordinary study in narcissism, narcissistic family dynamics. I mean everybody see something different. But, my God, it's so clearly like narcissism and narcissistic families and the dynamics within, but also played out, you know, in this, like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: billionaire media, Rupert Murdoch type, character and family. So anyway, really, really fascinating, highly recommend. I'm not going to give any spoilers. But the point is, my husband and I were listening to a podcast about


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: the, the the final episode, and some of these podcasts. We listen to a fantastic, they actually interview the directors and the writers, and some of the actors, and some of the others who are involved. but one of the things that one of the directors said the directors, and smart my lot, the director of the final episode, and he's directed a bunch of the previous episodes


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: is, he said, that he thinks that Jesse Armstrong, who's the writer of the show and the show runner, the the the guy who started it that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: if he doesn't think people can fundamentally change the people just are who they are. And so immediately my husband was like in his drive. He's like, pause, the podcast right. So I caused it and he goes. I you know, I don't know


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that like, can people really change? Can they fundamentally change? And he said, I think they can. And I said, yes, and I think it's a matter of what do you mean by fundamentally and change?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So are we talking? you know, someone's constitution like the nervous system they were born with. you know their sort of in a gifts or talents. you know, just basically like how the person was in originally designed before the world like affected them.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And then what do you also mean by change? And so are we talking, changing the person's constitution, or that person's behaviors can change, or that, you know. And so we you know, I sort of gave this this hypothetical of like, okay, imagine if you have. let's say, there's somebody who only you in high school, and you know you could ask, can that person fundamentally change? And I would say.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Well, actually, I would say it depends because if that person pulling from a place of like they're being abused, and then they're taking that out out on other people. But then, as they get older and have experiences become more self aware, they stop bullying. Then you could say that bully change. They're not bullying anymore. So in that case, it's a matter of behaviors, right? People's behaviors change. Yes, I mean, they can. Can. People's emotional sticks change. Yes, they can.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Can. People's actual, the constitutions change. And I, you know, that's a good question. And I think that our constitutions, at least in my experience.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and this is where we get into like nature versus nurture. Right? When I say constitution, it's like someone's nature.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and actually let me, before I get into to my sort of. Then you even think about what is the one's nature right? And so, for example, there's always the story about, you know the scorpion that stings the frogs back. You may have heard this before. I won't bother recounting it, but you know this for me is for being reason. Reason reasoning is just one's working. That's what I do.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so it kind of begs the question of like, you know, the people around us, or even ourselves like, well, that's just who I am. This is what I do.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: as though it's some kind of immutable aspect of us, and we just can't change it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And I think that you know, versus nurture, of course, versus the impact, the the things that have impacted us and how they've been practice the traumas we've had, the you know the sort of you know family, you know, family origin experiences. We've had the


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you know, just different things didn't basically shake this or molded us. Maybe some of the positive feedback we've gotten to certain behaviors, you know. Can that change us? And then can we unchange that if you will?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so the question was with these characters, you know, are they fund? Can they fundamentally change, or are they fundamentally broken like? Is that it? And these the characters. The main ones they were talking about were the children of the narcissistic patriarch, and you know, could they possibly change? And so the point is that my attitude was that I think that people's


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I and I speak from some experience here. I think that our constitutions are sort of


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: the the that the way we were uniquely designed, in my opinion, doesn't necessarily change


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that much like the core of who we are


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and sort of who we came into this world as, and the reason why I say that. And I'm not an expert in this. But like, if my mother working at work here, she could tell you all the different types of like babies there are, and that there are certain babies that just come into this world like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: just have more anxious nervous systems, you know, and then there's some that are more sort of chill and like go with the flow. Phlegmatic. That was the word I was trying to remember my husband yesterday. I was like, if there's a certain babies and I forgot the word for them. And I, said I, it's gonna come to me turn up. It just came to me like babies that are more phlegmatic. They're more just kind of like chill. Go with the flow again. I'm not an expert in this. But you have different types of basically nervous systems. Let's say


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and then we also do have certain types of brain wiring. Or you know, there can also be ways that brings up an impact even in the room. and then there's things like.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you know, psychopathy and sociopathy. My understanding of that is psychopathy. Psychopaths are board sociopaths are made, so they're both pretty much defined in terms of a lack of empathy.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: but that there are some that that they're just. They're just born. Some people just born into this world that way. And I've met people who are actually really great people thinking one guy in particular who's straight upset because I think I'm a psychopath. But he he's like he's a really great guy and he's not masking it. He's like a dad. He's got kids, and he's a really good guy, and he's generous with his time, and he's a very successful business fan, but he said.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: He told me he goes. Oh, age like 11 or 12. I knew I was very aware that I was 4 different, and the way other people functioned, and how they felt about things was very different from how I did. And I he goes and he made no, I'm sorry. Take it back. He realized that years before, but at the age of 11 or 12 he made the choice.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and he said, You know, I know that I could use this


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: the way I'm designed, the way I built you so I could use it for that. I could definitely hurt people. But you made a conscious choice not to.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: he decided he was not going to hurt people, but instead try to help people so. But the point is, his fundamental nature didn't change, but the choices he made, given his awareness of how he was designed.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: You know, impact. It has impacted how he showed up in the world the choices he makes. His behaviour is how he treats other people. so that's like psychopathy. And then there tends to be.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that. You know people, someone who's let's say I have a lot of trauma, or maybe maybe they were overly cod with these children, and so they're, you know, the sort of child like narcissism was fed in them, and they weren't, you know, not proper boundaries set up. They're all kinds of reasons why, like you know. Like socioeconomic, can exist. I I sorry switch that, I said narcissism. I really should say more about sociology.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: The point of sociopathy can exist within someone, usually because of some kind of trauma of something that just caused them to basically have this kind of lack of empathy and like a psychopathy about them. But, in other words, they weren't born into this world like that. They things happen to them that change something in them, or cause them to make certain conscious or unconscious choices


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: to then not care about other people, and then make choices that were purely selfish. And there's some arguments that say that certain brain wires can actually lend themselves more to that than others. You know that not everybody who goes to the same exact same experiences will necessarily become associate back. Anyway, it's a long way of saying that there are different schools of thought and different approaches to this question of like fundamental, and you know whether or not that can change.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so I think that I here's what I think.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I personally think that we have our own unique design that we were born with. and we have our own unique proof that we are here to live.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and the way we were designed is meant to serve us living that Truth.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and I also believe


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that it doesn't make sense to go against your own divine design. What do I mean by that?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: The way I was designed is, I am like deeply empathic. I am emotional. I'm a creative type personality. I have a certain like rhythm that I go with. That's my own inner rhythm. It's not necessarily the way everybody else, you know, runs through, you know, operates in their in their lives. And so I find


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that I function better, and I show up better when I honor my true nature.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and I see it in other people as well. There's a piece that happens when you are when you operate from your own nature.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I, personally don't think someone's nature is to hurt other people. I could be wrong about that. I think there could be other reasons for that. But the point is, I think, that when we operate according to our own nature, we operate from a place of deeper piece


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and self-acceptance. We show up better in the world. We can have it more positive impact as opposed to trying to be someone or something. We are not. I think it's better to go with our own nature. And so that's that whole fund that can people fundamentally change. So I don't think that changes that much.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Personally.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: however, I do think that we can change and undo and heal from some of the influences that we've had that may have distorted


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: those aspects of ourselves that may have caused like, for example, you know, I'm a very emotionally sensitive person. Well, I could have had certain experiences that made me like manipulate people with my emotionality, or something, or that caused me to. you know. Just decide that there was no point in, you know, living my life and making different, you know, and I could have made different choices, or I could like sort of fall into certain traps.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: My point is, though, that the that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that what can change is we can undo some of the influences, some of the things that have happened to us. We can undo some of the traumas. The impact of this promise, the emotional, you know, distortions that we haven't signed.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that darkness that we carry can be brought back to light so that it's in alignment with our nature, with our Truth, with our life, so that we can show up the best way possible. So that's all. By way of saying, I think that there are absolutely that people can change, depending on what it is you're trying to change, or they're trying to change.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And so if this question intrigues you because it's for you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Then I would say, look at what is true for you, and feels most right for you, and feels most, you know alignment with your Truth, and that it serves the presence you're here to be in the impact that you're here to add, that helps you shine your brightest light.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and own that, and honor it, and live in alignment, in accordance and harmony with that, with that Truth within you, and with your nature, so far as it is, it helps you shine your life writer.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and if there are behaviors, if you treat people a certain way that's disrespectful or meaning, if you show up in certain ways. If you carry certain rooms and traumas, anything that doesn't feel


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: like it brings you piece, or that it's not in, align it with who you are, or that it's the result of like how you were treated. Let's say negatively.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: then I do think that that can change.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and we can heal those parts. Now that's for yourself.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: The question that but if the question is, is this for someone else. you know? Is it that you want someone else to change.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And that's, you know, because the the question is, can people fundamentally change? And you're thinking about someone your life? Can they fundamentally change. It's possible, I think, that they can change.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you know. Maybe they have psychopathic tendencies, but they they can choose to be different. They can choose to use those tennis in a different way. I I actually read something. I was talking to my head, but I read something that said that John the Baptist, who was one of the founders, I guess, of the


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Christian Church that is coming back to spots. You don't, or Saint Paul's. What I don't. Don't take my word for it, but there's apparently a big figure in Christian in. It's a Shannon where he actually was would have been considered a cycle.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But then he made a different choice


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and chose to basically use his sort of innate the way he was designed for good, and to make positive difference. And so the point is, we can change that. We can change what we do


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: with our own fundamental nature. And so what that can look like to some on the outside of that person to really change, you know. Oh, there's so much talking, so much more piece, or Oh, there's so much brighter. Oh, there's so much more power! Oh, you know they're they're actually, you know, trying to, you know, instead of


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: I I don't know again. It's plug in my head, like I have friends who I've read with, where you know they're actors. And so they they were actors in high school now they're lawyers. And it's like they're using their acting skills in the courtroom. You know. I mean, we can change how those fundamental aspects of us show up. So when they look to others like we've changed, or we may feel from rooms.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: and it may look like it is like we changed. And we've changed in that we've changed how we choose to show up. Those parts of this have been healed and transformed back to light, etc.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: But I would say that in that case we're shining more of our actual light. It's like the bully who was bullying because of how they were being treated in their own home. But then they feel those rooms, and they show up as kind of people.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: you know, and maybe actually the same tendencies that cause them to bully and be like the leader of the pack. Maybe now they're actually waiting their own business, and they're really respectful because they've been able to use those tendencies for. But they filled the room and use those tenancies for good. But what is it? Take when it comes to someone, to ourselves and someone else. It takes


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: self-awareness


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: first and form of self-awareness. Gotta recognize that there's something within you that needs to change. Or you know, that's not an accurate depiction of who you are, or causes you pain.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So what we're doing is causing other people here. That's a huge part of it, having that level self-awareness.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And also I would say empathy, too, because if you're, I think it requires empathy or well, let's just say that hepatitis is really helpful in recognizing what our behavior is, so hurting other people, and in choosing to change that so it cause it, it requires being aware it requires the willingness and the desire


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: to actually change, to actually heal those words or whatever's required. And the reason why I say that is because I know someone personally who was in therapy with one of their siblings at 1 point, and the sibling was very toxic, and and he straight up said to the person that he did to his his sibling, he said, Well, I'm an asshole. So what people would just put up with it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So there's self-awareness. He was aware that he act like an asshole. But he didn't care. Not interested in changing. And basically just it just expects everyone around him to just put up with it, you see. So that's why it requires a willingness and a desire, and then it really requires hard inner work.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: We've got to do the work. So the reason why I want to say those 3 things also is because when we're thinking about other people in our lives, and it's so easy like I've been. This was like where I desperately want someone to change


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that that can be a real track. we want that person to change. And because they're not changing, or because we're trying so hard to change them if negative from impacts us. And so I just want to point out that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: that other person.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: Yes, do. They have the capacity to change. Yes, maybe they do. They probably do.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: So do they have the self awareness, willingness, or desire.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And where do they know? Do they have the tools? Or are they gonna do the hard work to actually change. to really change how they show up in the world?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: That's a whole other level. So in that case.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: sadly, some people around us don't change. They don't.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: because it requires them to do that, and we can't make. We can't make them do it. I think they have a whole other episode all about that. So anyway, just in case you're curious, those are my thoughts about whether or not. People can fundamentally change. That's what I think. And if you have other thoughts, please feel free to share them with me. Emily@ChangeLight that world come into our wonderful community where we've got free course. And it's a free community.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.World: And you know, you know, let's talk about this. Maybe post about it, you know. See where we go. All right, so it will, your well, thank you so much. I totally appreciate you, and I will see you next week, bye.


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