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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | How Do You Resolve Things with Someone You Can't?





 

TRANSCRIPT

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WWW TV: Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. I am with ChangeLight

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WWW TV: inner work that accelerates your power to make a difference, to feel good, so you can do better, and really make the biggest difference possible that you want to make, whether that's just shining your line into the into the world with joy, or whether that's through your activities, whether it's through social activism, I work with a lot of changemakers so welcome. Welcome, welcome! I'm so glad we're here

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WWW TV: today. The topic is, how can you resolve

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WWW TV: things? I forgot exactly how how I titled this one. It's like, how do you resolve things with people? You can't. In other words, let's say you have people in your life

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WWW TV: with whom you realize there's like unfinished business, or there's been no resolution to some kind of conflict You've never gotten the closure that that you wish you could have gotten. It could be an X relationship. It could be a friend. It could be a parent. It could be, You know, someone who isn't a user towards you it could be any number of situations in your life.

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WWW TV: The reason why I think this is a really important topic, especially when it comes to inner work is well. There are a number of things that should have brought this up. For one thing, I've been working on the first episode of my new podcast which is coming soon, and in it there is a situation in which the woman she never got the resolution that she desired from her mother.

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WWW TV: Her mother was really mean to her at 1 point, and her child would but never apologize for that, and never took responsibility or accountability for how she behaved towards this woman.

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WWW TV: and not only was so, therefore the result was that not only is there the wounding from what happened, which is, the mother yelled really harshly at the little girl. But then there, there, there's also the wound of the lack of resolution. There's the wound, of the lack of closure, of the lack of accountability by the other person that says, i'm really sorry I treated you that way. That's a big big part. I think, of our human makeup is that we receive.

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WWW TV: You know, when, when when we've been wrong, it can be very healing and helpful to have the person apologize to us for wronging us. But what if we don't get that? What if we don't get that kind of resolution that we need? And there can be any number of reasons

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WWW TV: why we don't get that. It could be because the person doesn't realize that they hurt us in some way, or that they don't think of it as unresolved. They think they don't think of this unfinished business. So then they moved on. But we're left with these lingering

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WWW TV: parts or rooms, or questions, or whatever could be that they just don't know could be that they are not capable of it. To be honest with you, i'm not saying like, you know, in some universities they could be capable basically where they are emotionally, monthly, spiritually, whatever like they're just.

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WWW TV: they don't know how to apologize. It is just too far of a bridge for them to cross, whether because of their own pride and ego, whether because of you know, they they don't, you know they don't.

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WWW TV: They think they're completely justified, and how they behaved, or or they maybe they thought that. Let's say, let's take someone to cut you off, and they felt like that's what they had to do, so that that could be for them. That was their resolution. And yet we're left feeling like there's a lack of resolution or lack of accountability or unanswered questions, or what have you? It could also be that the person has died.

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WWW TV: and so you can't actually, in terms of like living and breathing, sitting across from them. You'll you can't, and you never will in that physical way. Get that resolution. Get those answers. Get that sense of

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WWW TV: Okay, I feel like we've worked through this, or I feel like I've gotten what I need. I've got the closure. I've gotten the words of apology. I've gotten whatever it is, I feel I need to get from this person from this situation. You know there could be a lot of reasons why we can't get what we feel that we need

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WWW TV: from that person, and that can be deeply, deeply wording and horrible.

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WWW TV: I I'll just throw in here. There's another reason why this topic is coming up for me is because we had a my husband and I, friend of ours.

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WWW TV: We just found out last week that the you just suddenly died just suddenly dive in the sleep.

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WWW TV: He's a few years younger than us, you know so many wonderful memories with this guy, so many parties and and fun fun times with him. He was such a joy to be around, and such a sweetheart, and he just suddenly died, and his his. His wife is shattered and

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WWW TV: much going to be flying out to the the service. But in any case the point is, I think, that

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WWW TV: here's another thing. Why, I think that resolution is really important, even in terms of making sure that we have resolution with people in our lives as much as possible, but because you never know you never know when it could be over. And so it's just it's just sort of also brought up this idea of like.

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WWW TV: and and, by the way, everything's resolved with him. We don't have any sort of unfinished business with him at all, but it's something I think, about a lot like in terms of even with my husband. You know, I say, that I really do my best to try to. You know

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WWW TV: you know, have some kind of resolution, you know, relatively as quickly as possible, because you never know when something that could happen to in this case to my partner. I could never know when when somebody could something that into them. And then I can't get that, you know. Maybe we had a fight, and then all of a sudden something happens, a race or race. I don't want that to happen, but my point is.

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WWW TV: you know, I think it's really important as much as possible for us to have that, if only for our own well being let alone for the other person. But really the question here is, what if you can't get that.

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WWW TV: whether because of death or any other reasons.

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WWW TV: let's start with

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WWW TV: what you can control, I always like to start with. What can I control? And of course, part of the pain and the wounding that comes from what this scenario that we're talking about here is that we can't control.

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WWW TV: How that other person response was, Whether or not they are capable of giving us, whether it's the abs solution or the answers or the closure that we need, we can't necessarily control that

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WWW TV: if it's someone that you feel like, you know, I feel like I need some kind of something with this person, and you feel like the person is capable of having that conversation with you then wonderful.

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WWW TV: Even so, you know, you still can only control your part of it. You still can only control how you react or respond to things you cannot control. How that other person does, or whether or not they are able to give you what you feel you are needing. So let's just presume that

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WWW TV: that that person can't give you that. Let's just presume it, for whatever reason they're not able to

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WWW TV: again going back to what can I control? What can we control? First of all.

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WWW TV: we can control

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WWW TV: the level of wounding that we have inside of us from that situation.

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WWW TV: So what I tend to do, and I've had people in my life who've treated me a certain way, no matter how many times I've tried to have some kind of resolution with them. I have that conversation with them. I really have that part part felt like from all different ways, you know, and it just Hasn't worked, and I was left with

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WWW TV: what can I control? And okay, I can. I? I only have control over my own rooms in this situation, and if I want to heal from whatever happened.

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WWW TV: I have to feel what I can feel and let the rest go. because that's the only thing I can control. So that's what i'll say for myself. That's what I tend to do. I'll look at what are the wounds inside of me that need to heal.

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WWW TV: And I focus on healing those

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WWW TV: now

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WWW TV: in the situation with podcasts in the episode, what you'll hear hopefully if they listen to it is that basically in this case the mother died.

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WWW TV: So she wasn't going to be able to get that resolution absolutely whatever for her.

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WWW TV: And so what we were doing a part of what we were doing in that session is actually healing that.

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WWW TV: And at 1 point the little girl inside of her says: You know what you just said to me. Emily, is what I wish my mother had said to me.

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WWW TV: and it's it's it's interesting because I actually find that sometimes. That's the role that I end up playing in a session, especially when you have a situation where there's been some lack of resolution, especially like an inner child. And this child Hasn't gotten that is there. Oftentimes I will sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally, be that voice. Gosh! I'm so sorry that really hurt you.

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WWW TV: And then the child responds like that's just what I wanted to hear, but sometimes

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WWW TV: it's not from the person you know. I'm not the person they need to hear from. They need to hear from someone else. But nevertheless, there is a lot of feeling that can happen within oneself, whether it's for someone like me or someone else. They can provide that sense of

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WWW TV: closure. And yes, that was really painful, and it's okay. I can let the pain go, etc. So that's what i'd like to do. It. Focus on your own room and the rooms that you're still carrying from that interaction. That's something that happened in the past. So here's what I can work on with myself.

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WWW TV: including the wound of not being resolved. And he said, that's an actually an extra layer of wounding that we can carry. It's not just from whatever was the event, but it can also be the lack of resolution can be an extra room, and so to work with that and work on that, draw it out, process it, work with someone like me.

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WWW TV: Second, one is once you've really sat with those rooms and heal them as much as you feel like you can take whatever actions you feel called to take.

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WWW TV: And so, in some cases you might, from a place of peace, right? Not because of activity and still anger, but just from a place of like. Okay. This is what I need to know what I know I need to do for me

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WWW TV: right for me, not because you're trying to change the other person's behavior.

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We cannot do that.

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WWW TV: But whatever actions you feel called to take. Go ahead and take those so it could be something like you. Write something down and burn it. People like to do things like that it could be. You reach out to that person, you know you're in a different place now, and so maybe you feel more.

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WWW TV: He, or what have you to be able to have that conversation, and you know, come to think of it, it could also mean that you offer them resolution as well. But maybe they've been before

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WWW TV: it could be that you write a letter to that person. But you don't

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WWW TV: it could be any number of actions, but whatever you feel called to take that's gonna bring you more peace right? Can't control what's going on with them. But if it's gonna bring you more peace, then go ahead and take those actions.

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WWW TV: And then finally, the third thing. And this usually applies. If

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WWW TV: you really can't, let's put it this way. I usually do this. If it's someone that I they've died. They're they're not no longer in the body, and you know I may or may not feel them around me. But whether or not I do, this is an action I take, and that is, I will just sit.

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WWW TV: and I will just imagine the person in front of me, or imagine them whatever I think they are, and I will say to them the words

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WWW TV: that I wish I had said.

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WWW TV: or I will. I will have that conversation with them, and in and say what I need to say, whether it's gosh, that really hurt or say like, if it's, maybe if it's even like I'm really sorry I played this role in this part of it.

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WWW TV: or whatever it is. Now. I may or may not receive a response, but I know that when I do this I feel better. I feel more, at least more resolved, because at least I know I've said what I need to say, or at least I know I've addressed it

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WWW TV: as far as I can, as much as I can, and this may seem kind of crazy to to be or may not, but you know frankly, like

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WWW TV: the other person, they actually received it. I've actually had some people where you know some things have actually turned around because I've done that. And whether that's because my energy is changed or there, and it's changed, energy is changed, I don't know. But of course, if someone's like on the other side, they're not in the body, you know. Maybe you feel like you receive something from them, or maybe you don't.

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WWW TV: But the point is, just know that the message is getting out there.

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WWW TV: and that they can receive it wherever they are, or they will at some point. But the whole point of this is not about trying to change them, or get them to show up for you in the way that you wish they did. But to do whatever brings you piece. That is what this is all about.

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WWW TV: and so I hope this is helpful, because

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WWW TV: this can be another layer of one that you carry it's a lack of resolution, the lack of the lack of tied up, whatever those are, and the fact that the other person may may not be in a space where they're actually able to do that with you, and show up for you in the ways that you'd like.

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WWW TV: But there are ways that you can do it for yourself for the also that purpose of bringing you peace because you feel more. At least, then you are more in power.

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WWW TV: You are more more able to function, more that function better in the world and your relationship, your work and light up the world with your light, you know, of course, as I always say, needs your life

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WWW TV: all right. I hope this has been helpful, as always. I am, Emily, with ChangeLight that world, and I hope we have a wonderful week. Take care I will talk to you again next week.

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WWW TV: What.


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