top of page
  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | How to Deal with Disappointment





 

TRANSCRIPT

WEBVTT

1

00:00:01.439 --> 00:00:13.980

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello Hello hello, and welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good, and my name is Emily Eldredge I am the founder of ChangeLight the creator of the ChangeLight System and of course the host of your show this show.

2

00:00:14.429 --> 00:00:21.600

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Inner work for greater good, where we talk about the inner work that's necessary to truly accelerate your power to change the world.

3

00:00:22.200 --> 00:00:30.840

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'm so glad you're here um I don't know if you saw last week's episode, I said that I had COVID will I still have COVID.

4

00:00:31.620 --> 00:00:39.210

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: In case you can't hear the congestion it's been an interesting roller coaster of a ride, to be honest with you because it's like once you think you're feeling better.

5

00:00:39.420 --> 00:00:46.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you're like okay i'm great i'm back to normal, and the next day you're tired again at least that's been my experience and my husband's experience.

6

00:00:47.370 --> 00:00:54.000

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and also our symptoms, have shown up very differently, I think it's really fascinating how our different bodies are, how are.

7

00:00:54.450 --> 00:01:00.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know bodies react differently to the same virus, I mean he got the same strain I did because he got it from me and.

8

00:01:00.750 --> 00:01:17.070

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Here I never really had a fever and he had really severe fevers and here like i've been sort of had this drawn out experience of it and he's actually feeling better now and so and I got it before he did so anyway it's been an interesting journey but another thing that's been.

9

00:01:18.210 --> 00:01:32.580

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I would say interesting about it it's been more like upsetting about having coven and, mind you i'm going to share my experiences I no way at all comparing my experience with Kobe to other people's experiences because.

10

00:01:33.420 --> 00:01:45.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's been you know very distressing for a lot of people, and you know we've lost loved ones and everything but it's interesting because, since getting Kobe I got it from an event that I went to.

11

00:01:46.290 --> 00:01:50.520

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: came back with it i've learned a lot of other people from that event about it and.

12

00:01:51.180 --> 00:01:59.790

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And ever since then, like this month this month of June 2022, which is when i'm recording this was supposed to be like a really big month for me, a lot of ways of.

13

00:02:00.060 --> 00:02:19.290

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: A lot of activities and seeing old friends and making huge strides with my work and business, and so I have the event in Spain, I came back I got covert I was supposed to go to my 25th college reunion I couldn't go to that because I was sick and then i'm.

14

00:02:20.850 --> 00:02:29.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'm supposed to do and they're supposed to be on vacation with my family this week and I can't do that because I can't get my parents or anyone else sick my husband and I and.

15

00:02:29.610 --> 00:02:36.150

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then i'm supposed to go to an event here in New York at the end of this month and i'm just praying that i'm well enough for that.

16

00:02:36.660 --> 00:02:39.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Again it's been such an unpredictable thing.

17

00:02:40.830 --> 00:02:49.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To deal with this, and I know that we all deal with a lot of unpredictability in our lives, and we all deal with you know illnesses and things like that.

18

00:02:49.830 --> 00:03:00.930

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it's interesting because I was sharing with my team my work team, the other day about how I was I said i'm really disappointed and i'm feeling really sorry for myself.

19

00:03:01.530 --> 00:03:16.530

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Normally i'm not the type to feel sorry for myself, because I see it as like i'm 10 I see myself as having a very blessed life, and I do i've been extremely blessed and I tend to have a very positive outlook and I tend to believe that the best things are going to happen and.

20

00:03:16.860 --> 00:03:30.030

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Things are happening for the good etc, etc, and at the same time, this kind of string of disappointments has really you know it got me down it's gotten me really down and.

21

00:03:30.660 --> 00:03:42.150

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So what I was talking with my team and talking about how I was feeling like all sorry for myself and disappointed One of them said, you know that seems to be the word for coven is disappointment.

22

00:03:42.510 --> 00:03:50.730

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And feeling disappointed and being disappointed because, as we know, all of us who have had to go through this and you know gone through lockdowns.

23

00:03:50.940 --> 00:03:58.530

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: we've you know we've not been able to see friends we've had to cancel plans we've had to cancel travel my husband and I were supposed to go to Europe last fall.

24

00:03:58.920 --> 00:04:02.940

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And we had to cancel that and I know a bunch of other people have had to cancel things.

25

00:04:03.300 --> 00:04:12.120

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you know, while these aren't you know huge life threatening disappointments in those ways, it can be starts to wear on you right when you've got a lot of disappointments and so.

26

00:04:12.390 --> 00:04:28.830

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It seems to be a lot of what coven is was my Gal on my team said she said that you know that that seems to be the word for it, you know it's disappointed disappointment and I want to explore that word in this episode, because I think that.

27

00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:40.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Part of the problem, I think, frankly, with the word itself is it sounds so totally but now it sounds so kind of like in like oh it's disappointing.

28

00:04:41.550 --> 00:04:52.800

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But really when you sit with it there's so much underneath that experience of being disappointed or feeling disappointed or experiencing disappointment.

29

00:04:53.190 --> 00:04:59.700

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There are so many other emotions underneath that seemingly very banal word.

30

00:05:00.270 --> 00:05:06.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I just want to talk about that, because I think it's really important to explore that and recognize where it shows up.

31

00:05:07.170 --> 00:05:12.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How it shows up how we feel it the different emotions that are associated with disappointment.

32

00:05:12.690 --> 00:05:22.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and also those inner mechanisms that we all have inside of us to try to protect us from feeling that way both the exPower is within us that actually feel that disappointment.

33

00:05:22.980 --> 00:05:28.050

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: As well as the exPowers that trying to protect us, if this is your first time watching my show.

34

00:05:28.710 --> 00:05:36.750

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Go back and watch some of the old episodes about exPowers, which is what I call those parts inside of us that feel like they work against our power.

35

00:05:36.990 --> 00:05:47.700

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That feel like you know our blocks or triggers or wounds, or you know blind spots, the different mechanisms inside of us that are there, whose intentions are to protect us, but they can ultimately causes pain.

36

00:05:49.230 --> 00:05:59.550

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So anyway that's something in case you're not familiar with the term exPowers come back and you'll see i've done a lot of episodes about exPowers, because they are a big part of what gets in the way of us.

37

00:05:59.820 --> 00:06:10.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Truly feeling at peace with ourselves and truly maximizing our ability to make a difference in the world as changemakers and as purpose and mission driven people so.

38

00:06:11.430 --> 00:06:24.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: As I said, the word disappointed, first of all I looked it up really briefly before the show to see what what's the root of the word and it's actually what I thought it's actually comes from the French word discipline which basically just means that you missed an appointment.

39

00:06:26.550 --> 00:06:32.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's apparently the root of it is just you know that you forgot you for winter you missed an appointment.

40

00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:43.650

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Which is what I mean about like okay i'm disappointed like oh missed an appointment, but let's get into this word, because when when you actually I looked also at the.

41

00:06:44.490 --> 00:06:57.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: thesaurus the terms that are synonyms for disappointed, and I mean we're talking like a lot of words, a lot of range of emotions so it's let's see just a few of them sad.

42

00:06:58.500 --> 00:07:11.790

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: angry frustrated disillusioned demoralized dissatisfied failure or feeling like you failed deceived.

43

00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:23.580

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: bombed, there are a lot of emotions that are that are basically within that that that experience or feeling of disappointment, or being disappointed.

44

00:07:24.030 --> 00:07:30.540

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The other thing that disappointment and disappointed implies to the plays a number of things, one is that it will.

45

00:07:30.840 --> 00:07:39.870

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Let me put this way that we can be disappointed or feel disappointment for a number of different reasons, it could be that someone has disappointed us.

46

00:07:40.740 --> 00:07:48.330

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That maybe they didn't meet our expectations, maybe they didn't show up in a certain way, or you can show up for an appointment.

47

00:07:49.110 --> 00:07:56.640

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It can also mean that we're disappointed in ourselves, maybe we're, the ones who disappointed our stuff who's disappointed us maybe we didn't.

48

00:07:57.450 --> 00:08:13.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: show up the way we hope to show up maybe we didn't achieve a certain goal, and so we already, and so we didn't we just we were disappointed with ourselves because we didn't meet that desire or expectation that we had for ourselves, we can be disappointed in.

49

00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:28.350

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That were disappointed that, like like, in this case it's not anyone's fault necessarily that I have posted and then I could be angry at that person who brought it to the event, where a bunch of US caught it, but maybe they also didn't know.

50

00:08:28.950 --> 00:08:41.880

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But you know i'm disappointed because, as a result of the sickness i've had to miss these events and i'm disappointed that, because those people, you know those those events, and now they put those rules in place to save it nobody.

51

00:08:42.330 --> 00:08:50.430

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: can show up because there are very valid reasons, but you know, the point is it's just circumstances it's not anyone's fault necessarily and i'm not.

52

00:08:50.700 --> 00:08:55.230

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: be disappointed in myself mean Okay, so I got sick, a lot of other people got sick.

53

00:08:55.530 --> 00:09:04.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it can just be circumstances were disappointed we could disappointing, we could be disappointed, because you know, maybe the weather is bad and we were really hoping to have certain.

54

00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:17.280

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Experience today and we wanted to go and go somewhere outside and let our plans got derailed because of that, and so it could be just something like the weather, that we feel disappointed.

55

00:09:17.850 --> 00:09:23.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the point is there a lot of things that can cause us to on various levels, you know it can be high.

56

00:09:24.660 --> 00:09:29.910

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Deep you know high level of support that are just sort of minor inconvenience nuisance type thing.

57

00:09:30.540 --> 00:09:36.120

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it often implies, though, if we're disappointed and implies that we had some sort of hope.

58

00:09:36.690 --> 00:09:47.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or expectation some kind of desire and that are we always put some kind of effort towards something, but that basically those expectations are not met.

59

00:09:47.760 --> 00:09:56.190

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So we were disappointed or disappointed in ourselves, and we were disappointed by the circumstances or maybe somebody was disappointed with us, we didn't meet.

60

00:09:56.400 --> 00:10:05.340

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Their expectations or their hopes for us, and so we feel that they're you know disappointed and as maybe even critical of us, and so there's.

61

00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:13.620

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there's a lot that's implied in just that one word and therefore that's why there's a whole range of emotions, as I said.

62

00:10:13.830 --> 00:10:27.660

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Sad angry frustrated disillusion demoralized dissatisfied, I mean the list goes on just go to the source COM and you'll see there's a lot in there, I want to just point out that, whenever I think of disappointment.

63

00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:39.390

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or disappointed I always here do you ever saw the movie a fish called wanda with starring Jimmy Lee curtis john please Kevin kline Michael halen it's.

64

00:10:39.780 --> 00:10:47.250

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: sort of British, for I guess is probably American, British film back in the 90s wasn't the East was, I think it was the 90s.

65

00:10:47.940 --> 00:10:54.030

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: hilarious comedy but there's this wonderful see what I always think of what I think disappointed.

66

00:10:54.600 --> 00:11:05.250

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There is this hilarious scene, where auto played by Kevin kline now auto if you haven't seen the film or, if you remember the film is not a terribly bright guy he's a criminal.

67

00:11:05.670 --> 00:11:13.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And he's not the brightest bulb is kind of dumb but he's also very unfiltered and he just sort of sense things and.

68

00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:24.660

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there's this moment where he and Jamie Lee curtis are about to make this you know find this thing that they've been going after and it's this moment where they're going to make this discovery and.

69

00:11:25.680 --> 00:11:35.250

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And they don't they they they open the container and it's not there, whatever it is that they're expecting to see and so Kevin.

70

00:11:36.750 --> 00:11:45.270

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: he's hilarious he goes he just he just looks at me he sees that it's not there, a huge oh Oh, and then he yells out.

71

00:11:45.870 --> 00:11:51.690

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disappointed like really loud angry and it's just that's what I always think of where it's just like.

72

00:11:52.290 --> 00:12:01.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disappointed and it's true that's part of the anger part of the disappointment, sometimes when we're disappointed it's not about being sad or depressed is actually angry.

73

00:12:02.370 --> 00:12:06.300

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And he just says it out loud so anyway just side note I love that.

74

00:12:06.690 --> 00:12:19.230

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'll put the link to it in the description, but I just absolutely love that whole like just disappointed like that that's how he's feeling and he's expressing it, but again in that disappointed he's also very end.

75

00:12:19.920 --> 00:12:33.600

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And was really pissed because of what just happened, and that you didn't get what he was going for being the criminal that he was um but anyway, the point is there's a lot of emotion in there, so I want to unpack this a bit more.

76

00:12:34.650 --> 00:12:45.210

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and find that, for me, for example, what's happened in this sort of serious disappointments as much as these are not life threatening disappointments, as you know, or like life altering disappointments.

77

00:12:45.570 --> 00:12:52.440

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: What it's also done with disappointment can also do is trigger some of those deeper feelings underlying feelings.

78

00:12:52.830 --> 00:13:00.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'm sorry not honoring things beliefs, that we can carry so not only do we have a range of emotions within.

79

00:13:01.290 --> 00:13:14.370

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disappointment, but we also can have a range of beliefs that can underline that underlie that feeling or that can get triggered by that experience of being disappointed and I just wrote down a few and a lot of these are pretty intense.

80

00:13:14.670 --> 00:13:21.570

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I will say that for myself like I some of this stuff has come up for me, even in this, you know sort of.

81

00:13:22.110 --> 00:13:33.390

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feels like and sort of continuing period of sickness and disappointment and you know and hopes and expectations for this period of my life, not being met.

82

00:13:34.200 --> 00:13:45.570

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So, and these are all apply to me, but I just want to say that sometimes what can happen is for example of someone who's disappointed us we've been disappointed by someone they haven't shown up for us let's say.

83

00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:58.800

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is a belief could be no one cares or they don't care that's a pretty intense feeling I think a belief to carry that nobody cares or they don't care if we are disappointed by someone.

84

00:14:00.270 --> 00:14:04.980

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another one could be i'm not worthy or i'm not worth it again that could be if somebody didn't.

85

00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:09.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: didn't show up for us that could be another belief that we carry.

86

00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:18.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It never works if we're disappointed and other belief is if we're disappointed by how you know, maybe we've worked really hard towards something.

87

00:14:19.290 --> 00:14:28.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it didn't it didn't happen it didn't happen, the way we wanted it to happen and we can end up feeling disappointed, but it can also end up reminding us of all the.

88

00:14:28.770 --> 00:14:39.690

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Other times when something didn't turn out the way we wanted to, and the way we were striving for it to answer one of those beliefs that could be triggered is it never works or nothing works.

89

00:14:40.950 --> 00:14:49.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, or even i'm not good enough because it's implied that somehow we failed because we're not including us something we did wrong.

90

00:14:50.520 --> 00:15:00.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And also there's no point so notice, these are these past couple beliefs are really feelings of helplessness and hopelessness and despair and despondency.

91

00:15:01.170 --> 00:15:06.660

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I actually have a good friend of mine, speaking of despondent who related to cope it and she actually.

92

00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:11.850

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: hasn't been able to partake in a lot of things because she's severely immune compromised.

93

00:15:12.180 --> 00:15:21.270

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you know she she can't get sick at all, so you know, as I said to her i'm like I felt for her and said I can hear her despondency, because i'm like i'll get over this.

94

00:15:21.510 --> 00:15:34.470

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But you're you know stuck in a situation where you can't get it at all and it's the fear of what would happen if she were to get it, so there was that sense of like helplessness and hopelessness and despondency that she's feeling and related coven.

95

00:15:35.430 --> 00:15:46.710

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another could be another belief is i'm a failure again triggering you know we have that disappointment and it can trigger some of those different deeper beliefs unconscious beliefs, that we may not even know that we carry.

96

00:15:47.280 --> 00:15:52.800

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I think I already said i'm not good enough i'm never good enough it's never enough whatever I do.

97

00:15:53.280 --> 00:16:00.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that usually is comes, because with disappointment it's about it, maybe there's something we've been striving towards.

98

00:16:01.110 --> 00:16:10.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Or to feel disappointed that we maybe i'm not good enough i'm not worth it for that person to show up for me or for things to come my way to go, my way.

99

00:16:10.470 --> 00:16:20.040

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So there's a lot of different layers within this disappointment, I also want to point out here in this discussion about disappointment that.

100

00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:31.830

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: We, as a result, because this emotion and this gets into we're talking about the exPowers and those inner mechanisms in the inner work that we need to do when we're dealing with disappointment.

101

00:16:32.370 --> 00:16:46.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is that we have it's funny how again, it can be the banality, if you will, and seeming benign less of the word disappointment it belies the fact that there's so many emotions and their needs.

102

00:16:47.100 --> 00:16:58.410

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then, a lot of times what most of us carry which keeps us from trying, or maybe we end up over time is actually the fear of disappointment.

103

00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:09.690

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Now people often are afraid of fear of failure, yes, but think about it this way to what are some of the feelings that you feel when you fail you feel disappointed.

104

00:17:09.990 --> 00:17:19.830

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it can be the anger, the sadness, the despondency they're not good enough all of that other stuff so there's so much embedding just within that.

105

00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:33.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and think about it, you might want to ask yourself this when you think about the things that you really, really want, but are afraid to try, is that what are you really afraid of, or maybe when you maybe you're working too hard to try to.

106

00:17:35.130 --> 00:17:44.610

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, maybe it's perfectionism or any other kinds of things that might be showing up and maybe trying to Part One might be underlying that is that fear disappointment.

107

00:17:45.030 --> 00:17:53.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And lot of times we're scared of being disappointed, it could be a relationship, maybe you're scared to really try and relationship because you're afraid.

108

00:17:54.180 --> 00:18:01.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of being disappointed you're afraid that person is going to disappoint you, your friend will be disappointed by the relationship, maybe you're afraid you'll disappoint them.

109

00:18:02.520 --> 00:18:10.260

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So there's you know there's all kinds of ways in which fear of disappointment can show up in our lives and with That being said.

110

00:18:10.890 --> 00:18:22.770

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The exPowers that carry those feelings, so those inner parts of us that are all that are related to disappointment are primarily in my experience number there the three types there's the.

111

00:18:23.850 --> 00:18:30.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Defenders Controllers and Wounded i've found that the two exPowers that are most assisting with disappointment.

112

00:18:31.470 --> 00:18:38.910

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Our Controllers in words Defenders can be involved as well, but it's mostly I would say, controls and limits.

113

00:18:39.180 --> 00:18:49.230

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, can you think about if you're familiar with the exPowers you've seen the previous episodes which one of those between the Controllers are routed to you think actually carries the feelings.

114

00:18:49.500 --> 00:18:55.470

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: of disappointment, the sadness anger, the frustration, the despondency, the helplessness the not enough.

115

00:18:57.150 --> 00:19:10.440

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Wounded, so our in our wounds tend to be the ones that actually carry those feelings that are so debilitating and so sort of contracting and make us feel weak and vulnerable and scared.

116

00:19:10.860 --> 00:19:27.630

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And not empowered and so Wounded are often the ones who are carrying those feelings of disappointment that you know that the feelings of failure or feeling bond or feeling dissatisfied or demoralized disillusioned etc, so that exPower that.

117

00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:40.800

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feels that way is is the Wounded, the Controllers tend to be the ones to usually types of Controllers that are trying to protect us from those feelings of disappointment.

118

00:19:41.100 --> 00:19:47.370

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Defenders can too and their own ways, like, for example, sometimes if we've done we get really angry.

119

00:19:47.790 --> 00:19:55.200

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And it's trying to mask the fact that we actually feel very disappointed, so you can have disappointment underneath that are in the.

120

00:19:55.860 --> 00:20:02.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You can have i'm sorry, you can have Defender sometimes being playing a role there, but a lot of times it's Controllers and here's why.

121

00:20:03.390 --> 00:20:12.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because, sometimes we will have these are just two basic types of Controllers that can be involved in trying to protect us from disappointment.

122

00:20:13.080 --> 00:20:22.770

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: One is a type of Controller that wants to keep us down keep us feeling oppressed, prevent us from feeling hope.

123

00:20:23.340 --> 00:20:36.090

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or expectation, so it can be like an inner critic or and our monster that's oppressing us that's holding us down or trying to pull us back from actually getting our hopes up.

124

00:20:36.450 --> 00:20:43.680

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because it's afraid that will be disappointed here's why this type of Controller often exists.

125

00:20:44.610 --> 00:20:54.030

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is because what often happens, and this happens, a lot in childhood it's like we're really joyful and excited we have these great hopes and expectations and we're going to do this exciting thing.

126

00:20:54.240 --> 00:21:02.340

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, our energy our emotions go up K it's going to be great or maybe something great happens, or maybe we did something that we're really proud of.

127

00:21:03.150 --> 00:21:07.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But then what sometimes happens is that then we get criticized for that thing.

128

00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:17.340

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Or we have this hope in this excitement and then something bad happens, or something or it doesn't happen that thing that we're hoping will happen.

129

00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:22.980

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so the thing is, is that we can get up here, but then there's the disappointment.

130

00:21:23.460 --> 00:21:32.580

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And what can often happen to us, especially if we frequently experienced a lot of disappointment in child page or even an adult, especially in childhood.

131

00:21:33.120 --> 00:21:40.110

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, someone continually disappointed us or things just rarely feel like they worked out the way you wanted them to.

132

00:21:41.040 --> 00:21:54.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is that a part of us will form to keep us from actually getting up to this place that will actually prevent us from feeling joy or happiness make us scared of having those feelings because why.

133

00:21:54.930 --> 00:22:00.180

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because it's actually afraid that we're going to fall on the other end of it we're going to be disappointed.

134

00:22:00.540 --> 00:22:12.720

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so what it's trying to do is prevent that from happening so think about it this way, the higher you climb the farther there is to fall it's based on that attitude and so that inner Controller may actually want to go no.

135

00:22:13.410 --> 00:22:16.410

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: We don't want you to get up there, so we're just going to keep you down here.

136

00:22:16.770 --> 00:22:29.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But what can actually end up happening is you end up staying in a perpetual disappointed disappointed place who perpetually expect disappointment you expect things not to go away, which can keep you feeling pretty down.

137

00:22:29.760 --> 00:22:37.560

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or not very joyful not allowing yourself, or it may not allow you to get to that place because it scared it will feel disappointed.

138

00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:47.040

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that's one type of exPower, how it tries to deal with disappointment is by preventing you from even getting to that high place.

139

00:22:47.250 --> 00:22:53.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that you won't have you know you won't have that crash on the other side of that, but the problem with that, though.

140

00:22:53.520 --> 00:23:08.850

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is that actually what it can often end up doing is making you feel constantly disappointed or making make you think that you've been disappointed when maybe you aren't so you start to project that into situations and that's not the actual reality.

141

00:23:09.750 --> 00:23:17.880

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But the point is that's one type of Controller another type of Controller that can form inside of us to try to prevent us.

142

00:23:18.690 --> 00:23:26.820

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: from feeling feelings of disappointments, actually, the opposite is sometimes it can be a part that makes us feel hyper positive and hyper excited and.

143

00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:37.470

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Really tries to keep us in this high place and make us, you know feel like everything is great and avoid the whole point is is trying to actually get us to.

144

00:23:37.800 --> 00:23:45.090

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But keeping us up here and trying to keep us lifted in this really high place it's actually trying to prevent us from feeling.

145

00:23:45.450 --> 00:23:55.290

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The actual feelings of disappointment, so you know, some people might even say it can be a little bit of someone's paper pollyanna but now everything's great and it's all working out and it's all wonderful.

146

00:23:55.710 --> 00:24:04.170

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: When the reality is maybe, yes, maybe things could work out well, but if it's in this anxious kind of hyper positivity It could also be.

147

00:24:04.410 --> 00:24:14.010

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But it's just trying to prevent you from really feeling what you actually feel, which is disappointed, which is sad, which is angry, which is scared which is despondent, which is the solution.

148

00:24:14.430 --> 00:24:25.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And the thing is, is that when we're in this place that can serve a purpose right, it can get us through some really tough times, it can try to keep us in this, you know positive state of mind.

149

00:24:25.290 --> 00:24:34.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To get us through when building a mega state of mind my lot of surface, but ultimately what ends up happening is you end up with this streaming dichotomy this.

150

00:24:35.820 --> 00:24:43.320

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Extreme opposites inside of these polarities where you have this hyper hyper positive things great, but you know but meanwhile there's this.

151

00:24:43.530 --> 00:24:50.520

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Other part it's really actually not there and it's not feeling it, and as long as those 200 integrated their odds with each other.

152

00:24:50.850 --> 00:24:58.170

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So sometimes that's why we can end up even having that roller coaster of emotions internal roller coaster between.

153

00:24:58.470 --> 00:25:02.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: everything's great and everything's terrible everything's great everything's terrible.

154

00:25:02.490 --> 00:25:15.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because we are not integrated, because we have these parts of us that we're not fully you know hyper positive is trying to help me feel really positive and fit but it's not fully honoring what we're actually doing.

155

00:25:15.570 --> 00:25:23.280

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And if there's anything i'm always after its truth and it's important to honor The fact of how you feel on every level.

156

00:25:23.520 --> 00:25:32.190

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that both emotions can exist simultaneously but it's not very helpful my experience for us to have these are the struggles inside.

157

00:25:32.520 --> 00:25:44.460

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that's where you have another type of Controller inside of you that's preventing you from feeling those feelings of disappointment is trying to convince you but everything's great everything's wonderful everything's fabulous.

158

00:25:44.940 --> 00:25:55.290

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And that can only go so far, in my experience, before at some point, those actual feelings of disappointment, are going to come up and those beliefs, are going to come up.

159

00:25:55.680 --> 00:26:05.610

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And sometimes even explore that and simply unfolds so what's an interesting for me, at least in this period of you know, dealing with the.

160

00:26:06.030 --> 00:26:10.110

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The coven and everything in this sort of constant billing constant disappointment.

161

00:26:11.040 --> 00:26:22.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is that it's brought up some of those feelings and it's helped me i've had to even kind of as much as they're sometimes there's the parts of me that wanted them to know it's all working out for the best starting up a reason.

162

00:26:23.250 --> 00:26:32.670

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i'm like Okay, maybe, but at the same time in this moment like what i've been doing this i've been honoring those feelings and i've been allowing myself to cry.

163

00:26:32.940 --> 00:26:41.820

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: i've been allowing myself to be angry and upset, as I said to my team i'm feeling really sorry for myself i'm not trying to deny the fact that that's how i'm feeling or.

164

00:26:42.210 --> 00:26:52.290

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Times i've been feeling really sorry for myself, I am grateful for the fact that I can work from home that I can take rest, you know, like rest that I have a.

165

00:26:52.680 --> 00:27:00.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: roof over my head, I mean I can feel gratitude and eat very grateful for the fact that I have the finances to pay for throat lozenge is and other things I need to.

166

00:27:01.380 --> 00:27:03.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: store to take care of this or help me through this.

167

00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:16.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And at the same time can feel that that sadness and that you know disappointment that they'll pour me feeling sorry for myself and really the poor me is more just like feeling really disappointed when.

168

00:27:17.490 --> 00:27:24.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I was really had such high hopes for this month and it's like everything's just been dash and it's been really disappointing.

169

00:27:24.840 --> 00:27:34.050

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so it's about honoring all of those feelings and honoring the both and have those feelings inside so going back i'm only got a few minutes left but going back.

170

00:27:34.410 --> 00:27:45.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: To really dealing with disappointment is, that is, first of all, just recognize when it's there and recognize that it's okay to feel how you feel as always it's really important.

171

00:27:46.620 --> 00:27:54.000

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: For us to be very honest with ourselves about how we really feel, because as long as if we're fighting how we feel as i've.

172

00:27:54.270 --> 00:28:03.420

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: said many times, if it's like i'm feeling really disappointed, but then i'm telling myself no don't feel this way or you don't have a right to feel this way or open everything's just wonderful and happy and.

173

00:28:04.740 --> 00:28:09.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's it's really about honoring and just saying opinion feeling really disappointed right now.

174

00:28:10.440 --> 00:28:17.160

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then it really is a good opportunity as painful, as it is, and it has really hurt I mean I was.

175

00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:28.710

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: sitting in my husband's arms yesterday just sobbing and really upset and I get I really grateful that I have such a supportive partner who's just so loving and gentle.

176

00:28:29.550 --> 00:28:40.650

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But at the same time, like, I was really sad and I was really frustrated and for me like one of the beliefs that came up was there's no point it will never work.

177

00:28:41.160 --> 00:28:47.100

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And you know if anybody who knows me would be like what you carry feelings like that and it's like well clearly.

178

00:28:47.760 --> 00:28:53.940

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because that's what came up or those were those deeper beliefs that matter how hard I try it's never going to work.

179

00:28:54.420 --> 00:29:01.320

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And as much as someone might on the outside kind of look at my who, I am in my situation in life and be like really like to believe that.

180

00:29:01.560 --> 00:29:08.730

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's not about the external we know this right it's like it's not about how people necessarily see us on the outside it's about.

181

00:29:09.000 --> 00:29:16.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Being really honest and present with what's happening on the inside, and so, for better for worse, there are parts of me that are carrying that believe.

182

00:29:17.490 --> 00:29:31.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there's no point it will never work and i'm still processing it, I mean I can feel it as i'm talking about it and I need to take my advice I need to draw it out, and you will get a voice and let it really feel fully expressed and process it appropriately.

183

00:29:32.670 --> 00:29:37.170

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Including maybe i'll even do some of Byron katie's the work on it, you know ask is that true.

184

00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:40.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Is it true that there's no point that nothing ever works is that true.

185

00:29:41.190 --> 00:29:53.100

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So again, but the point is that as long as i'm harboring those beliefs on some subconscious level they're having an impact on how I show up in the world on how I behave.

186

00:29:53.430 --> 00:29:59.280

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or on how other parts of me are trying to maybe mitigate that and so that's why I find it's always the.

187

00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:07.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: best course of action to be fully present with an honest about how we feel, because as long as we're harboring that stuff and we're not being.

188

00:30:08.490 --> 00:30:15.930

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: honest with ourselves and not fully addressing what's going on inside that stuff's going to affect us unconsciously so.

189

00:30:16.830 --> 00:30:34.440

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I hope this has been helpful I realize it's not a whole lot of fun to talk about disappointment, but that it really can be an opportunity to look at the shades of emotions that are inside to look at the underlying beliefs that were carrying that maybe.

190

00:30:35.520 --> 00:30:43.380

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That maybe get that are getting triggered by the experience and then to really and to look at those exPowers as well that are that are fueling.

191

00:30:43.680 --> 00:30:50.550

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Those inner dynamics, you know that are that are in whatever ways trying to protect us that are feeling disappointed or time to protect us.

192

00:30:50.880 --> 00:31:01.530

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: from feeling disappointed and being disappointed and then it's really important to just take the opportunity to, as I say, mind that notice what's going on and really Let it come up.

193

00:31:01.980 --> 00:31:15.780

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And process it appropriately, so that you can feel better and more in our going forward, so I hope this is helpful Emily ChangeLight here coming to you with doing the best I.

194

00:31:16.920 --> 00:31:23.730

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: still feel a bit disappointed, but i'm going to keep processing and getting through, and I hope this helps you to get through as well.

195

00:31:24.090 --> 00:31:37.080

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: All right, as always, check us out ChangeLight dot world where we've got a course in a Community all designed for people like you really are passionate about making a positive difference in the world, sorry I love you and i'll talk to you next week.


Comments


bottom of page