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  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | The One Absolute Requirement for Healing





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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Hello! Hello! Hello! And welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldredge. I am the founder of ChangeLight, the creator of the ChangeLight System, and the host of this show where I teach you inner work that accelerates your power to change the world and change the


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joy and pleasure and freedom and happiness and fulfillment from your place of Truth, that struggle and strife, and all this crazy stuff that we've got on this planet


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trying to fix that. I know a lot of us are. We're trying to take a lot of humanity out of struggle, and that's my intention here to do this for you and anyone else who's trying to make difference in the world. So I am so extremely happy that you're here. Um, in in case you haven't seen my previous episode. Please do watch. If I'm. I might refer to some things that may not be immediately make sense in this episode. But I would. I would. I recommend that you go back and listen to previous episodes which I taught for this


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: typically about aspects of the ChangeLight System, the whole ChangeLight System. The whole purpose is to really clear your inner struggles, or feel your true strength, and and tap into that truth that's excited that that that that that incredible presence inside of you that knows who you are, and who you're here to be that is guiding you as best as it can, and that's the whole point of a change. Light system is to make it


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easier for your truth to guide you, which makes life a whole lot easier when we're guided by this really wonderful and powerful and spectacular and stupendous, glorious and radiant. Ah, truth within each of us, you have your own. I have my own. That's what it's all about really accessing that truth.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So um in terms of talking about the healing part of things, you know, I talked about healing in her struggles and revealing your strengths when it comes to healing inner struggles. I want to talk about an absolute requirement. What I have found


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is an absolute requirement


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: for true


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: healing. And when I say true healing, I mean, I mean, I would actually even argue in some ways you could say that um, this could apply it not just emotionally, because, of course, I talk about it emotionally. But this can also apply to physically, you know, mentally in terms of relationships, and you know not just in her healing, but also external. Feel that there's one absolute necessity


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that I found in order to affect true healing in or outer.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It comes down to one word, and i'm going to break that down. What I need by this one word, and how that applies that word


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is safety.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Safety is an absolute necessity


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or heal it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Here's why, so? I'm going to talk about this in a couple of respects. The first one is


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when I again I I mentioned I'm going to mention some things from other episodes that you haven't seen when you step watch them. But I talk about x-powers and X-powers, as I define them, are basically anything that feels like it gets in the way of you feeling fully at peace and fully empowered. So the common term that I, that people might say, are expires,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: blocks, triggers, wounds, parts of the shadow parts of your ego. Ah, you know, anyway, different aspects of the self that basically in some way have been distorted by fear or pain, and as a result, are in their desire to protect us for themselves. Unfortunately, there actually can end up savage projects and causing us pain. So a classic one would be an inner critic. That's telling you that you're no good, or you're stupid, or you're never going to add to anything


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or it's pushing you to try to succeed and be better and do better, or an interrogated child that's carrying the rooms from having been fused or manipulated or attacked. Or maybe it was just a simple comment on the playground. I often say that, but it's true. It can seem like the minor is saying,


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really rooms, you know the childlike part of us, or it could be another part of you that's really angry and aggressive,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and you know, maybe a defensive


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and trying to protect you in that way.


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So we can have these different types of X-powers inside of us. We all have these. I have them I mean. My work has been all about clearing them, so I can tell you. I used to have probably hundreds of them. If you look at the number of drawings I've done probably happened in the hundreds. Now, you know. Only occasionally rarely do they pop up.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But my point is that when it comes to X powers, those parts of us that feel like they've fallen into darkness. They've been distorted by fear by pain.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There are four D's, as I call them, of the dark, and this is part of the Change light system. This is part of what I teach. So those four D's of the Dart are basically the D's. They're four words that are the things that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: parts of us to fall into darkness to


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it, cause you know that get distorted by fear and pain, and cause these powers within us to become ex powers, to become parts of us that feel like they work against our power and against our truth, and against our ability to feel it,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or that, you know, maybe prevent us from having healthy whole, you know, really vulnerable relationships, or, you know, prevent us from receiving the support that we need, et cetera. The The four D's of the dark.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And actually you know what I think i'll i'll share. Let me share. See, you, Haven't done this in a while.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There it is. So these are the four days of the dark.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Ah, let me. Okay. Well, here we go. We'll just do it like this. This is from A. This is from a slideshow. That's in my course. That's the ChangeLight System. So the four D's of the dark are


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disappointment,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disapproval,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: disconnection, and danger.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Disappointment. Disapproval, disconnection and danger. Now, obviously, disappointment can take several different forms, so it could be, as I say, here, unmet expectations, dashed hopes, mistakes, failures, and loss, feeling disappointed by a situation or a person, including yourself.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Sorry I'm going to take a moment actually to to make this larger, because i'd rather well, maybe I just here we go. Let me. I want to try to make this larger if I can. Oh, I guess I can't


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: nope, anyway. Sorry I was gonna try to make it larger. I'd be like, okay, my apologies. So we have disappointment, unmet expectations dashed folks mistakes, failing nurse and loss. So any time that we're feeling disappointed by a situation or a person including ourselves. So think about this, and I've done a whole episode on disappointment, and how much is embedded in that word, and the disappointment isn't just sort of like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: she really disappointed me, or oh, I really you know that didn't turn out the way I wanted. But actually underneath that can be some really deep emotional stuff, or even disappointment, can take bigger forms like it would say a parent that just perpetually was not doesn't show up


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that sense of disappointment, that chronic disappointment and expectation of discipline


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that we feel um, but it can also be when we're disappointed in ourselves. Maybe we tried really hard to succeed at something, you know. Do well on a test, or, you know, be in a particular relationship with someone, and it didn't work.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so there's really deep, intense disappointment that can come from that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: um or like, you know, you're really Maybe you know, like when you're a kid, and you the first time you ever told a boy or girl that you liked them. And then maybe they said they didn't like you back, or they rejected you, or they made.


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That's a really deep disappointment.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the point is that that is one of the conditions or experiences that we can have that causes an exral. It causes a part of us.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: They fall into darkness


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to feel unsafe going back to that original concept of unsafe when we feel disappointed. Some part of us can feel unsafe or concede that we are unsafe.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: In some way. Again, it could be unsafe in terms of relationships


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to be unsafe in terms of. Maybe we don't press ourselves because we disappointed ourselves. Um, or you know we had some kind of failure or loss, and we suddenly realized that you know what not. Everything is forever


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and um, And sometimes things don't turn out the way we want them to.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So those are


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: basically feelings and experiences.


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Those are experiences that can cause us, or part of us to feel unsafe


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in this way. The second one disapproval,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: easy, obvious criticism and judgment for feelings that others


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disappointed in you,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that they basically disapprove of you,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that you somehow Haven't met their expectations that you're not good enough, but you haven't done what they, you know, expected you wanted you to do


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: criticism and judgment when we feel criticized when we feel torn down


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: basically when we feel like we're not accepted as we are. Who we are.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That is that feeling of disapproval. We are disapproved of others, judge us where they criticize us, and we feel bad about ourselves, and they make us by their actions that cause us for parts of us to feel bad about themselves or bad about themselves, those parts feeling bad about themselves.


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And so what happens is


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: again, a part of us feels unsafe,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: not accepted. Think about when you feel accepted. Think about what that feels like when you feel accepted, You feel like you


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is a sense of safety.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Will things like disapproval, such as


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experiences that made us feel like we were disapproved of, or maybe even


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: ourselves and or others criticized or judged us, can cause that sense of unsafety.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Third, one disconnection, rejection, and abandonment, or fear that others will reject or abandon. You


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: often say that we are wired for connection,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that our deepest, deepest desire that everyone's deepest desire, in some way or another, on some level or another, is connection. We all want to feel safely connected with each other. We're actually also with ourselves, which is a lot of what this inner work is about.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, when we have an experience where there is a disconnection of some kind, even if it's a perceived disconnection, or a fear of disconnection


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that can cause a part of us to get traumatized,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to feel rejected, to feel abandoned thereby to feel unsafe


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in, you know, with that person, or with that group, or in that situation or in life. You know the realization sometimes that some of us have as kids when we're like. You know what


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: this is, not a place that is accepting and loving and kind


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and caring. And so a part of us can form that will be based on experiences.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know. It's funny, because when I come from actually, when I say, fear that others will reject or abandon me what What immediately popped into my head was actually the next boyfriend of mine, who I dated in college, and I was so insecure at the time, and that I was terrified that he was going to reject me. Now, mind you, the only thing that tips me off to this belief.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: One day, when we saw each other on our way to our respective classes, and he just wasn't as sort of warm and open and fuzzy and loving with me as you have been so many times before,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and so that part of me that was terrified of rejection, or being abandoned by him instead, put up a wall, put up a defense and decided to reject him first,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I ended up protecting him, and I ended up being quite mean to him,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: based on my own insecurity. But it was because that part of me felt unsafe, even though he hadn't necessarily done anything to make me feel unsafe a part of me. But that was afraid that I was gonna say


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that made me feel like I was unsafe in the relationship like that. It wasn't a forever connections,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that, therefore, caused me to end up.


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No. So


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: yeah, I just felt like sharing that story. It felt really bad. And then, like twenty years later, I apologize


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because I felt so terrible, and I find we've been around to doing that So, and then farming the before is danger,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so danger is the most obvious one when I talk about safety or unsafety, and how safety is an absolute necessity. Healing?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Well, then, obviously the opposite of that is danger. Now danger is where we have such an extreme lack of safety, and that can be because of lack of adult.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: No care like when we were children because of violation, or someone violated our boundaries, or violated of trust, or violating our space or violent our bodies,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and actual outright violence. So physical a lack of physical safety and a sense of, but of an attack on our survival of a threat to our survival. So obviously that's the most obvious example of lack of safety in a situation where you're in danger. I want to add two, by the way,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that when we're talking about danger or being in danger, it can also be the perception of being in danger, or even when we see that someone else has had some kind of violation or violence done against


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that triggers part of a


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: parts of it. So they carry that sense upon safety, because when we see that happen to someone else, we think, Oh, my gosh! That could happen to us, or if it's given in our environment, there's that sense of Oh, my gosh! You know i'm not safe in this environment.


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And so or I potentially not safe, you know. That


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hurt me, or even just that anybody could do that to anybody


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: can be enough of like a sense of threat and fear that can cause parts of us to form exploits. The reason why I went so you know, kind of at length about the the types of unsafening


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: cause. X powers to form is because it's important to understand what is in first and foremost that causes us to feel this way. Why do we


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and triggers? Why do we, you know, carry parts of, you know, have parts of us that carry those traumas? Why do we react certain ways to certain things, what, et cetera. And it's because we have these parts of us that have formed


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in response to the


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: the actual reality or the perception of a lack of safety, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. You know what habit that you know in terms of relationships, in terms of our physical environment, in terms of our health. There are all kinds of experiences that we can have


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: cause us to feel unsafe.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So by that token,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: then, if we want to heal those parts of us. What makes sense?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How do you undo that? If it's unsafety, lack of safety, or it's the parts feeling unsafe in some form or another? If that's what caused them to go into darkness. What's


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: safety


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: now? There are different forms of safety as well, and what i'm going to share with you is,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: are the three forms that I use when I am working in the drawing-out process, and I am taking an X power trigger a wound to block. You know much of the you go back to the shadow, or when I take it through the drawing out process. There are three basic ingredients. These aren't the steps. But these are the ingredients that I use


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in every step through the whole process,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: because these are the ingredients that I have found to be the most effective and the most healing. When you're trying to take part of someone that's


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: in darkness that's scared. That's resistant. That's angry. That's um. You know doubting that skeptical that's even skeptical of me and resistant to me, and telling me to f off. I mean, I've had plenty of these parts. Tell me to f off because they're like we got it under control age. And so then, what do you do? And how do you help that part? Feel safe,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that it will come back to the light and transform back to its original essence. And then, as a result, the person will feel more safe inside, more safe in their own skin.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: How do you do that?


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So the three ingredients that I use very, very simple,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: very, very powerful


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: first one, and I actually Don't have the slide for this right Now the first one


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: is curiosity,


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openness, and curiosity.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Consider what curiosity is


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when you're curious about something.


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I think it's like


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: what the energy of that is like. If i'm curious about you and i'm showing curiosity towards you, what is that in?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It implies openness. It implies openness to understanding you. It implies openness to hearing you. It implies that i'm asking you questions because i'm like, Hmm. I want to know about you.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And then what's the feeling that you get from me?


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Do you get that? I'm rejecting you? Do you get that? I'm trying to tell you off, or that you're stupid. Do you get that? I'm, You know an unsafe person for you, I mean, who knows? Maybe that could be part of it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But do you get any kind of resistance when someone's curious about it.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: No curiosity is open. Curiosity is opening a connection it's seeking to understand. It's seeking to um to to you know to get to know someone,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and but implicit in that is, opens


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's non-resistance


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it's receptivity.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: If i'm receptive to you, and i'm not resistant. Then you're going to get this sense that you know what Maybe I Maybe I could be safe because i'm not pushing back on you. I'm not rejecting you. I'm open to you so


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: well, maybe this is someone who might feel safe. And not only that they're actually inviting me to talk about myself, so I get to feel like I express myself, and I can share how I feel and talk about what I think,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that creates this space of a kind of safety


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's about,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, one person being curious about another. And then that other person being sort of like, Oh, okay. So here's an opening for me to actually be myself and express myself.


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So curiosity is key. And so, for example, when i'm working with an X power,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: will ask a lot of questions,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and I talk to the X power through the person they're totally wave. I think I've explained this before. It's not hypnosis. I just call them by name, and then that part of them speaks, and they are. When i'm curious. I ask a lot of questions, and I ask it with a lot of


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: well, the second that we're building here, and let me actually the second agree, and going into so curiosity. So I ask with a lot of the other improvements. But the point is that curiosity opens the ability for me to have number two, which is understanding.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So if I can understand where you're coming from, or that X power is going to. But if I learn to understand its story, but understand its perspective, if I understand how it got to be where it is, and why it goes this way.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That is key. Because then that part inside feels understood that


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it feels, heard,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and understood,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and it's like. Oh, this person gets me and think about it when you run into people like


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we're like, Yeah, they really get it. But they really


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: like, How does that feel? And what's the


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I will tell you that my physiological reaction is like,


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Yeah, wow, This feels really good. This person's Really, this person really gets me. So understanding is a key thing.


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So curiosity is basically going to open. This


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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: understanding is more of a mental thing, you know. Yes, I understand where you're coming from.


00:21:43.980 --> 00:21:45.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The third,


00:21:45.750 --> 00:21:57.370

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that is so extremely key, and so probably come as no surprise to most of you, especially those of you who are in any kind of emotional healing work. Is


00:21:57.690 --> 00:21:59.830

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that magic word


00:21:59.840 --> 00:22:02.070

That's all about


00:22:02.550 --> 00:22:06.190

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: being with someone where they are


00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:13.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: empathizing with how they're feeling, not looking down on them, not looking up at them, but being


00:22:14.320 --> 00:22:15.889

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and pass it


00:22:16.170 --> 00:22:25.980

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so, feeling how they're feeling, or at least tuning in an understanding, and being willing to be with them in their feeling, not fight before,


00:22:26.390 --> 00:22:29.189

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but validating that feeling


00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:41.809

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that is extremely key for healing. So we've got curiosity which there's a sense of safety. Understanding. There's a sense of safety. This person gets me.


00:22:41.820 --> 00:22:59.330

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: They're not arguing with me. They're not trying to contradict me. They're not criticizing my point of view their understanding, and then empathy as well. They really also get how i'm feeling they're not trying to suppress how i'm feeling they're not telling me to feel any differently. They're allowing me to be where I am,


00:22:59.340 --> 00:23:14.449

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feel how I feel. And just let that be. And not only that they're validating those feelings, that's usually what happens when we're empathic with other people is that we're also able to then say, Yeah, I hear you


00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:18.539

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: really hurt. Now let me just point out here the


00:23:18.570 --> 00:23:36.820

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: yeah when I work, just just just for just for fun. I feel like sharing this when I work with the next power. I don't necessarily agree with its perception. I don't necessarily agree with this approach. If it's a mean ever predict, I definitely don't agree with it, tearing the person down.


00:23:36.830 --> 00:23:38.670

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But I can be curious.


00:23:39.140 --> 00:23:41.230

Excuse me, Okay,


00:23:41.330 --> 00:23:45.020

excuse me. Open sure is


00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:48.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so curious and understanding and empathetic.


00:23:49.070 --> 00:23:52.590

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So that's it.


00:23:52.780 --> 00:23:54.519

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It feels hurry,


00:23:54.640 --> 00:24:01.660

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feels understood, feels validated, feels expressed, feel safe


00:24:01.800 --> 00:24:07.289

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feeling, however it feels and expressing. However, it feels


00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:12.049

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's the kind of safety that is required


00:24:12.330 --> 00:24:14.410

absolutely necessity


00:24:14.570 --> 00:24:15.800

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: for human,


00:24:16.690 --> 00:24:21.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and the reason why I say that, too, when it comes to relationships, or even physical feeling, or whatever


00:24:21.500 --> 00:24:35.229

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I mean, think about that too, like physical feeling. For example, if you're putting a lot of toxic food in your body while your body is trying to heal something. Well, then, it's going to be a lot harder for your body to heal that illness or that injury.


00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:54.269

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, in a way, even then, you put in healthy things. You're creating a safer environment in which it can do its job because it's not constantly trying to clear out the toxins or fight off the You know the information that's coming from the food. So you see how safety can even be applied beyond emotional


00:24:54.450 --> 00:24:55.920

emotional inner welling.


00:24:55.930 --> 00:25:01.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But I really wanted to just really reinforce this, because, especially if the


00:25:02.130 --> 00:25:06.889

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I'm just going to throw this out. Okay, this is what just? Um. This is just what popped into my head.


00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:14.889

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But sometimes, and especially in my work. I will have clients who come to me, and they will say, You know I went to therapy for all these years, and I


00:25:14.900 --> 00:25:17.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Now I understand my issues, but i'm not


00:25:17.500 --> 00:25:31.780

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: heels of them or them to be fixed. And then sometimes they'll share stories about what their therapist said, and i'm not trying to say it, but they'll say, Well, my therapist made me feel like this


00:25:31.790 --> 00:25:37.889

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: therapist said that now, of course, that can be that person's interpretation of what their therapist said or did, or maybe


00:25:37.900 --> 00:25:44.689

feel so. We don't know the therapist perception, but sometimes there have been things where you know they've been reported to me that I thought,


00:25:44.700 --> 00:25:45.670

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Wow!


00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:50.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I thought, that is definitely not conducive to a safe environment,


00:25:50.790 --> 00:25:56.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: so that you know that's why that person may have, whether they were aware of it or not not achieved before the


00:25:57.390 --> 00:26:08.700

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: have achieved. With that therapist. There's also the sense of safety that comes when you know someone's been through what you're going through, or similar to what you're going through.


00:26:08.710 --> 00:26:16.930

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That's why we have support groups. Right? It's like it's. These are people who get it. They understand, and of course have


00:26:17.520 --> 00:26:34.719

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: foolsake. Do you have to have healthy boundaries? I always say healthy relationships require healthy boundaries, and those boundaries, though, are often set in a healthy way they are, too. They are to establish and maintain a sense of safety


00:26:34.790 --> 00:26:43.090

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that can be safety within oneself or safety within a group. So, for example, we're in an Aaa group, a lot of friends in a


00:26:43.100 --> 00:26:44.289

You're in a group.


00:26:44.300 --> 00:27:02.909

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You're not allowed to go talking about. Who else is ever is in the group. That's my understanding. You know you can't go sharing stories because it's established as a safe space. And by the same token when I work with my clients, and someone signs in a bringing with me. I say it's confidential, and you know i'm not going to go like


00:27:02.920 --> 00:27:17.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: talking about them, and I came back. I don't even say who my clients are, because that's a kind of safety, Not everybody wants others to know that they're working with it that they have some really emotional struggles. So my point is that obviously boundaries are important


00:27:17.460 --> 00:27:26.180

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: safety. But I, so we can establish. That is another element for safety. But the whole point is to recognize the


00:27:32.910 --> 00:27:40.079

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: safety is for healing or healing, and for other people's healing. So consider that the


00:27:40.100 --> 00:27:56.350

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you may consider that in terms of maybe some of the people who you know you're working with professionally right Now, whether it's, you know they're your clients, or you're their client, or maybe it's even with people who are, you know, in your business, Um. Or that for their people that are um.


00:27:56.500 --> 00:27:58.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know that you're doing business with.


00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:02.190

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Uh, you know there can be different kinds of


00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:18.730

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: things that can cause us to feel unsafe, and the more we have those things that cause us to feel unsafe. Obviously, we're built. We're all real differently, and different things make us feel unsafe. But the harder it is to truly heal. I'm going to use another story, actually a couple of minutes left. Um! And that was, and


00:28:19.100 --> 00:28:23.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: my mother, because she's a brilliant. I was going through a really really tough time physically,


00:28:23.830 --> 00:28:25.789

and I was living in an apartment


00:28:25.800 --> 00:28:45.649

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: where it was like something in the apartment was making me sick, and I didn't know what it was, but I was in such a like down place and just demotivated race. But I was still trying to fight, and I was trying to get help, no matter what. And I remember saying to my mother now, I'm going to say this to you and you're going to be like that. That's crazy thinking. Yes,


00:28:45.660 --> 00:28:52.580

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it is. But the point is, I remember saying to my mother she was like Emily. I think there's something in that apartment.


00:28:53.230 --> 00:28:55.009

I think you need to get out of here,


00:28:55.160 --> 00:29:00.219

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I said, Well, that may be the case, but i'm still going to work to get healthy. I'm still going to work to get healthy,


00:29:05.710 --> 00:29:25.139

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and they knew they were in an abusive relationship, and they said to me, No, but i'm still going to try to be stronger within myself within this relationship, like using the relationship as a kind of way to be stronger, she said. I I forgot what she said. She would say to that client that she just basically was like, I would just say, I don't think that's a good idea,


00:29:25.150 --> 00:29:33.639

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Because, she said, because while you're trying to get healthy and whole and stronger. It's not helpful to feel unsafe


00:29:33.650 --> 00:29:49.380

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to feel attacked, to be in a very destabilizing and unsafe space, so just throwing that out there in terms of your own life, you know. Maybe there are some ways in which you're actually not feeling safe in a situation where you have


00:29:49.730 --> 00:29:57.559

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: feel safe. And also, if you're a struggling with your own healing, and really recognize that those parts of you that are


00:29:57.820 --> 00:30:04.710

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: a trigger, or maybe causing issues for you. It's probably it's because they're there because they have felt unsafe. And


00:30:04.750 --> 00:30:06.649

so it's all about. How do you help them?


00:30:06.700 --> 00:30:12.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: More safe? And in terms of my work. I often teach people well. Be curious about those parts of you.


00:30:12.750 --> 00:30:30.789

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: The understanding towards those parts. You understand that they're coming from a particular perspective, because they've formed out of of an experience that you have, and they formed in response to that, and also, of course, enterprise. You know that that inner critic that's you know. Maybe tearing you down. It's not


00:30:30.800 --> 00:30:37.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: agreeing with what it's doing, but empathizing with an understanding of how it's scared that we're, you know.


00:30:38.200 --> 00:30:39.429

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But the science is


00:30:40.740 --> 00:30:42.359

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: again not saying It's okay for,


00:30:43.060 --> 00:30:49.329

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but just throw it just anyway, just sharing some of those tidbits about how you can also apply this to yourself,


00:30:49.450 --> 00:30:56.119

curious about these parts of you, to the understanding, as they reveal themselves to you, and empathetic as they express their thoughts,


00:30:56.470 --> 00:31:06.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: right safety. Safety, safety is so so key and being, and feeling, and establishing as much safety as we can,


00:31:06.130 --> 00:31:12.650

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: your own life will absolutely accelerate your ability to feel safe, happy, and


00:31:12.990 --> 00:31:15.389

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: all right. I hope this has been helpful,


00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:35.059

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and and, as always come to our ChangeLight community, take the ChangeLight course in which I talk about the four Ds in the dark, and we talk about, you know. Take a through part of the drawing-out process. To appeal those X-powers. And yeah, lots of good stuff there., all right, Thanks so much. And i'll see you again next week.


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