top of page
  • Writer's pictureEmily Eldredge

📺 IWFGG | What If They Just Don't Understand?





00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:10.360

Hello, Hello, ladies, and welcome. My name is Emily Aldrich, and this is in our work for greater goods. So glad to have you here.


00:00:10.750 --> 00:00:25.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Sorry kind of all over the place. I'm out of my regular location. Usually i'm in my apartment in New York, but this is actually my childhood bedroom. It's changed a bit since then, and I'm sitting on a bed, and my computer is on pillars. And so.


00:00:25.970 --> 00:00:33.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: as I move, the computer moves Sorry about that. But you can kind of see a little bit of you know how, you know.


00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:38.080

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Not necessarily where I grew up. But yeah, this was my room until it got redecorated over the years.


00:00:38.090 --> 00:00:41.320

Then, anyway, I'm.


00:00:41.360 --> 00:00:58.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: This is all about Inner Work for Greater Good, and we teach you how to do inner work that accelerates your power to change the world, to make a difference, to shine your brightest light, and and do whatever it is that you feel called to do more effortlessly and with more joy and freedom and ease. Okay, I think my brain is starting to get clicked back in.


00:00:59.090 --> 00:01:09.560

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I wanted to talk about something that has come up. Actually, it's. It's almost been like a theme this past week in terms of the conversations I've had with people.


00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:12.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and people have been telling me various stories


00:01:12.980 --> 00:01:29.270

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that ultimately come down to for them that the people around them just don't get it, you know. Maybe they've shared something with that person and the other person just doesn't get it, or their family doesn't get what they're telling them. They just don't understand, or in other cases it's.


00:01:29.270 --> 00:01:46.700

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You know, people who have been, you know, in conflict with someone else, and trying to get that person to see the light and the other, and that they just don't see it for any number of reasons. I mean, i'll give you a few different examples of this. So one of them was actually in a session that I did. That's going to be on the podcast.


00:01:46.700 --> 00:02:08.910

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And basically one of you know her in her child was. Was. She really saw a lot of Truth as a child in terms of the conflict and things that were going on around her. And so she saw that, and even as a child. She tried to prevail upon her parents and others in her home to get them to see like this isn't healthy what you're doing, and why are you hurting each other this way, etc.?


00:02:09.110 --> 00:02:25.820

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But but the the people around her, the adults. They just rationalize their behaviors, and they just dismissed her, and they just, you know, basically didn't honor the wisdom that she was bringing to them. As a child. They just didn't understand what they didn't want to understand, which is a whole other level, too.


00:02:25.930 --> 00:02:28.950

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another example was: I was talking with someone


00:02:29.070 --> 00:02:47.890

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: who came to me and said that she had been diagnosed with something, a certain kind of mental ish, a mental health issue. And yet when she told the people around her, they didn't they didn't believe her, they dismissed it. They, you know, said what you're just choosing to be this way and that was clearly, very, very, very painful for her.


00:02:47.890 --> 00:03:00.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another example. I've actually had a number of friends in the last few years who've gone through divorces because their husbands have had some issues, and no matter how many times they tried to get through their husbands to say.


00:03:00.510 --> 00:03:10.980

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Look, you have a problem. It's this or that. The husband's just won't they won't see it. They? And then not only that they'll actually end up doubling down with their behaviors.


00:03:11.020 --> 00:03:17.860

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So the point is, you know I I've had quite a few conversations, at least in the last week with some of these people.


00:03:18.160 --> 00:03:29.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so I realized, you know what how painful it is when the people around us just don't get it when they just don't understand whatever it is that we see is true, or we believe to be true.


00:03:30.010 --> 00:03:42.300

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: This strikes at the core. One core need I found it. This is something I do a lot in my sessions when I talk to another child, or an inner wall, or an inner critic, or whatever I do a lot of validation.


00:03:42.350 --> 00:04:01.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So I validate that parts feelings. I validate their behaviors in terms of like, I get it like, i'll say to that part. Yeah, I can really see why you felt that you need. You know you felt the need to do that. Let's say it's a wall. I can really see why you felt the need to build this really thick wall to protect the person. You know. I can really get it.


00:04:02.070 --> 00:04:09.780

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So a lot of what I do is I validate those parts. and validating helps those parts to calm down


00:04:09.950 --> 00:04:16.620

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and think about it this way for yourself. When someone says you, yeah, I can really see why you feel that way.


00:04:16.660 --> 00:04:28.070

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Oh, yeah, I totally get it. I went through a similar thing, and it was really really hard when we have our feelings validated when we have our perceptions of reality validated.


00:04:28.070 --> 00:04:42.500

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: when we have our Truth validated, things that we know to be true when others validate those it really can give you this feeling of like. Ha! Yes, yes, that's what I've been trying to get through to other people where that's what? Yeah, it's


00:04:42.520 --> 00:04:53.490

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's such a healing thing. And I found that when I work with parts it's a big part of it, because a lot of times these parts inside right now. I'm talking in terms of the inner parts.


00:04:53.680 --> 00:05:06.960

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but you know parts inside. They need this validation just as we need this validation that validates our perception to validate our own Truth. That, says I see you. I hear you. I'm not arguing with you. I get it.


00:05:06.980 --> 00:05:16.320

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and the person may not necessarily agree. but can still validate. So yeah, I can really see why you felt the need to behave that way. Right?


00:05:16.320 --> 00:05:44.360

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So validation is really really huge when it comes to inner piece. So then, what happens when others don't validate our perceptions of reality, or our thoughts or feelings or beliefs about something, or maybe something that's been really major for us, you know, like my friend, her her realization or discovery that she actually been diagnosed with an issue, and it really answered a lot of questions for her. So for her it was this, like, you know, almost like. Finally, I have an answer, and yet the people around her are like


00:05:44.380 --> 00:06:06.680

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: whatever, and not giving her that validation. But it sounds like she really needed to at least just kind of say, yeah, God, that you know we're really happy for you. That's great. And now it's sort of we, you know. Now that you have a diagnosis You can, you know, work with it. Figure it out she didn't get that. And so, rather than feeling that you know jubilance, or you know


00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:21.030

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: gratification, that you know her. You know that she finally had an answer instead. It was kind of even more, you know. It was more wounded, because now the people around her just like, yeah, whatever that really really hurts. And so


00:06:21.260 --> 00:06:31.440

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: that's why I want to address how it feels and what happens. And how do we handle it? And the people around us just don't get it. They don't understand. So


00:06:31.690 --> 00:06:41.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there are all kinds of reasons why people can't or don't or won't. Now notice the difference between those can't implies that


00:06:41.740 --> 00:07:01.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: they really just can't get it. Maybe they they haven't been in that experience before. Maybe their mental or emotional at capacities are compromised, you know. Maybe they're They're addicted to something, and they just can't get. You know what you're trying to tell them. Maybe they aren't of an age that they could understand something.


00:07:01.510 --> 00:07:06.690

But then there's also don't like, so they just refuse to.


00:07:06.760 --> 00:07:11.240

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And I would say that it's kind of like won't. There's some people who


00:07:11.310 --> 00:07:40.880

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: maybe they can get it. Maybe they have the mental capacity. Maybe they have the an intellectual understanding, let's say, or maybe they have actually gone through something similar, but they won't. They won't validate what you're going through. They won't. See what you're seeing. They're refusing to, and they're all kinds of reasons Why, that is, I mean sometimes, for example, in the situations with, you know, if you're dealing with someone with an addiction, and you're trying to get through them and say, look, you have a problem.


00:07:41.790 --> 00:07:43.720

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There's too much at stake


00:07:43.750 --> 00:08:11.530

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: for them, and and there's it's 2, I I mean for everyone. It's different. But i'll just say for a lot of people. It's too terrifying. They've got defense mechanisms that are keeping them from seeing that reality, because if they were to start to really wake up to the fact that they have an addiction. That means their life would have to start changing, and they have to start changing their actions, or they'd have to realize that they're out of control. There are all kinds of reasons why people won't get it or don't get it.


00:08:11.530 --> 00:08:30.900

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There are all kinds of reasons why people don't really want to understand, or they don't want to validate, or they don't want to empathize. We all have these defense mechanisms that are trying to protect these parts inside. And so it could be that. Who you're dealing with and talking to in that moment, you know. Maybe they don't want to go there.


00:08:30.900 --> 00:08:35.659

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Maybe they don't want to connect with the feelings that you have. Maybe they don't want to


00:08:35.659 --> 00:08:53.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: agree with your big realization, because maybe they're like, yeah, I've been through this before. You've already had all these big, you know ideas. Let's say, or you've already had these other diagnoses, and you're all excited about it. But I've been through this before it, you know. Nothing really comes of it. So sometimes it's because people are jaded. They're cynical.


00:08:53.530 --> 00:09:10.940

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Sometimes it's because they I I mean, okay, I'm gonna give you an example of someone that that I know is that she allowed her children. She allowed her children to be abused by her husband, and she, this woman is still married


00:09:10.950 --> 00:09:23.170

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to this man, and you know, I thought to myself, why doesn't she wake up to the fact that, like her husband's abusive, and she allowed him to abuse the children, I mean, when you think a mother would want to protect her own children.


00:09:23.170 --> 00:09:39.410

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but at this age, and she's a quite a bit older than I am. If she were to suddenly wake up to that realization it could be absolutely catastrophic to her identity and her sense of self. And so i'm, not justifying that approach. But i'm saying.


00:09:39.500 --> 00:09:43.150

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you, you know, Sometimes some people have so much at stake


00:09:43.170 --> 00:09:55.600

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: does as to why they won't. They refuse to actually see the Truth. They just don't want to, or they just can't from wherever they are, because of their defense mechanisms, etc. So i'm trying to


00:09:55.670 --> 00:10:12.710

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: give you a little bit about like, if you're struggling with people around you not being able to see things the way you do, or validate your feelings or your perception of reality, or even see what's going on with themselves. Just understand that a lot of times what you're running into is their defense mechanisms. They're


00:10:12.890 --> 00:10:21.080

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: emotional rooms, their walls, their blocks, their agendas, because maybe you've had a realization of.


00:10:21.110 --> 00:10:36.840

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: I realize that this person's been controlling me right. And what if they gaslight you and say, No, I haven't. Well, of course they're going to do that because they've been in control, and they want to maintain control. You know. There's just all kinds of stuff going on. But here's the thing


00:10:38.010 --> 00:10:44.520

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: independently, or whatever that persons or those people's reasons are for not being able to


00:10:44.980 --> 00:10:57.330

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: see the way you see or validate your perception of things, or even like, Have you know, a connection with the reality that you see independently.


00:10:57.440 --> 00:11:00.420

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: whatever that is for them.


00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:16.160

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It's still really important to do that for you and i'm just gonna get into this. There are reasons why they can't or won't. and you can try to figure that all that out, all you want. But the reality is you can't change it.


00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:27.520

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You can try, and especially if you've already tried and tried and tried, and it still hasn't worked. Ask yourself. Is this working?


00:11:28.130 --> 00:11:39.130

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And ha! What's the impact? This is having on me because it could be that you're trying to convince them of what is real or whatever their issues are, whatever


00:11:39.280 --> 00:11:45.790

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or your issues, you're trying to share your issues, no matter how hard you try. If they are not getting it.


00:11:45.800 --> 00:12:03.790

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Notice how that's impacting you not to receive their validation and really ask yourself, is this working? Because what it can end up doing is draining your energy, and it can also end up undermining your perception of reality. As you keep trying to fight with that person, let's say or treat, keep trying to get them


00:12:03.790 --> 00:12:22.480

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: to get it like like you get it. And in that case it's really doesn't make sense to keep trying. And i'm just gonna throw this out here. I mean really not usually like an advice giver. But I found there's just there's no point in trying to get someone who doesn't want to see it your way.


00:12:22.540 --> 00:12:38.450

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: There's no point in trying to change their mind, because they're all kinds of They've got their own reasons why they are tethered to their perception or anti yours, and there is maybe valid to. I just want to point this out, because, especially when it comes to.


00:12:38.490 --> 00:12:51.720

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: you know, you know, like you may wanna I mean, i'm gonna be on this like I mean, I've run into situations where it's like someone's got a new guru who's their new spiritual teacher, and they're all yeah. This person's amazing, etc., etc.


00:12:51.730 --> 00:13:07.510

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But really the people around them can see that they're actually in kind of a cult like relationship with that Guru. You know that also might be why the people around you were like. Hmm. I'm not saying it your way. And no, i'm not going to validate this. So just a way of saying like it's also important to look at.


00:13:07.510 --> 00:13:13.690

You know where we are, and even consider that well, you know. Who knows? Maybe what I'm doing is not healthy for me.


00:13:13.700 --> 00:13:20.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and they're you know they're just not wanting to go along with that. But the point is, there's no point


00:13:20.390 --> 00:13:27.300

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and trying to change someone's mind. If you've already shared your Truth. If you know this is what's true for you


00:13:27.390 --> 00:13:37.760

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: from a place deep in sign that talked about that feeling of Truth from place deep inside. That's very calm and present and clear. You know what's true for you


00:13:37.870 --> 00:13:45.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and others Aren't getting it, or they're not. You know they're not understanding. They're not feeling it. They're not. They're refusing to listen, whatever


00:13:47.480 --> 00:13:56.140

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: it doesn't serve anyone to keep trying to convince them, and you might even ask yourself, Why do I feel the need for these people to validate me


00:13:56.480 --> 00:14:02.810

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and to validate my perception. What's going on there? Because what you're actually doing is you're giving them power.


00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:09.110

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You're giving them power to decide whether or not you feel at peace with what you feel, you know, is true.


00:14:09.190 --> 00:14:18.100

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so, while we might seek that validation of yes, this person understands me, and yes, i'm feeling heard and validated and understood


00:14:18.660 --> 00:14:31.460

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: not everybody can give us that. And so, in that case, just recognize. You do not need their validation in order for something to be true for you


00:14:32.710 --> 00:14:49.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and a representation of your Truth. You do not need others to validate you as much as you might want them to, but matters is that you tune into what's true for you, and you stay true to what's true for you, and you trust your own Truth.


00:14:50.270 --> 00:15:08.850

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and recognize where you might be the energy that you could be putting towards trusting your Truth and following your Truth. Notice how you're actually allowing. Maybe you're allowing it that energy to get sucked by other people, or pulled away by trying to get other people to see it, to get other people to agree with you.


00:15:10.110 --> 00:15:22.030

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: You, you don't need other people to validate who you are, how you feel, what you think. your ideas, your dreams, your visions, you don't need none of us.


00:15:22.170 --> 00:15:29.710

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: It feels good. It's helpful. But just know that if this is your Truth, and what's true for you.


00:15:29.740 --> 00:15:41.730

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: then trust it, and that's where you're going to find the piece. You're not going to find the piece in trying to convince other people of things that they don't want to be convinced of. So that's something really important to realize


00:15:43.100 --> 00:15:45.220

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and that


00:15:47.030 --> 00:15:56.230

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: but that also, just because those people don't get it, or they don't understand, or they can't see it your way doesn't mean there, aren't people who do.


00:15:56.570 --> 00:16:14.160

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And so that's something else that you know. In that desire for validation and for other people to reflect back to us what we feel we know is true, then in that case it might mean having to find people with whom you can connect on this level, or with whom you can. You know who you can trust.


00:16:14.160 --> 00:16:17.210

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and who can validate your feelings and your perceptions?


00:16:17.210 --> 00:16:39.560

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: One of the biggest healing things in that session that I had with that little girl who was like, you know she wanted to like scream at her family like this is crazy. Why are you hurting each other? Why are you doing this to each other? You know that was one of the biggest things in our session was when I was able to to validate that little gross feelings and say, yeah, I totally agree with you.


00:16:39.570 --> 00:16:42.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That was very unhealthy what they were doing.


00:16:42.090 --> 00:16:58.680

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and they were doing it for their own reasons. And I I wasn't saying it was judgment which is to validate yeah. And and also validate how she felt living in that environment that must have been so hard that must have hurt so much, you know. And that really helped this inner, this woman's inner little girl.


00:16:59.470 --> 00:17:10.579

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: So you might so consider that it's also about the audience. You might need to just find your audience who can really validate your


00:17:10.660 --> 00:17:25.970

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: Another thing, too, that I want to add to what I just thought of as I was talking about that in a little girl is that you might actually sit with the parts of you. Ask yourself, Why do I feel to this people's validation, you know, if I know this is true for me, and I really am clear in that.


00:17:26.079 --> 00:17:38.990

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: And yeah, i'm trying so hard to get them to see it Agree with me, etc. It could be that you have parts of you that are still carrying the wounds from, let's say, childhood, when no one believed you


00:17:38.990 --> 00:17:54.360

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: or you were falsely accused of something, or you were, you know, whatever you were misunderstood, or when people just were not present with your feelings, let's say you might also. What could also be happening is that that something some part of you is getting triggered?


00:17:54.490 --> 00:18:02.900

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: That needs to be healed. That's like that lead that's part that's needing validation and need to be seen in her. Well, you know how you can have some healing there.


00:18:02.940 --> 00:18:09.460

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: seeing and hearing it for yourself. So even in the session that I had with the woman


00:18:09.540 --> 00:18:19.010

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: and this little girl I mean. Yes, I validated the feelings, but it wasn't as though the people from her family were there also. Going. Yeah, yeah, we see how you feel. No, they weren't there.


00:18:19.140 --> 00:18:38.210

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: But the woman was, and so the woman was able to reconnect with that little girl, and validate her feelings and agree with her, and to thank her for the wisdom that she had when she was little, and to thank her for her the abilities of being able to see what was true, even when everything else was so crazy, and everyone else was trying to convince her of other things.


00:18:38.300 --> 00:18:51.740

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: This little girl was holding on to that Truth, and was crying out for attention, so that the woman would really reconnect with her and realize that the answers were always already inside of her. She didn't actually need them to validate


00:18:52.560 --> 00:19:18.550

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: her feelings or her perceptions. I hope this is helpful, as always. I'm sorry this is a little bit discombobulated. I'm a little bit discombobulated being in a different place and having my bouncy computer, and it's like storming outside. The dogs are barking. It's kind of crazy. So I apologize a little bit crazy. But anyway, I hope this was helpful and and absolutely I empathize with the need to to feel validated. But I just hope this is helpful in understanding that


00:19:18.550 --> 00:19:29.700

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: there are ways you can do that for yourself, so that you can be stronger within yourself and realize that you don't actually need other people to validate who you are, what you do, how you think and how you feel.


00:19:29.830 --> 00:19:41.020

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: All right. I I hope you're I I I wish you well for this next week, and I will see you next week. Don't you don't see that, too.


00:19:41.050 --> 00:19:41.940

Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight: See you later.


bottom of page