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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Hello, Hello! Welcome to Inner Work for Greater Good. My name is Emily Eldridge. As always, I am the founder of change, like the creator of the change light system and the Drawing Out Process, where you can learn for free at our free community@changelike.world or community dot ChangeLight dot world and I'm here to teach you so many different things that I've learned in my journey and things I'm still learning in my journey, and still processing
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: for myself in the hopes that will really that will really really help you to process what's going on with you, and understand yourself more clearly and do that inner work that's necessary to really do greater good in the world, to be better, to feel better, to have a greater difference. And everyone around you, and did just
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: amazing, shining lovely, because that to me is the whole purpose of being here. So I wanna help you do that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Here's something that I'm gonna be honest, really, really triggers me. Now, I gotta figure out, does this trigger me because it resembles me. Do you know how like things can trigger us really like we're guilty guilty at that cause. We do the same thing. Or does it trigger us because it really bothers us from other people, you know.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: don't get something that we get so clearly. Yeah, there can be all, all different reasons, I think, why we're triggered. But one of my big triggers is when people make excuses excuses.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So obviously, this has come up for me recently. I have there's some people in my life without obviously getting into specifics who were in situations
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that are not entirely help healthy for them, and that and, in fact, are actually very hurtful for them, or maybe it can be, you know, another case. It's just where they're just like not not taking action. There's, you know, they have power in a certain situation, and it's not necessarily hurtful or harmful.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: but rather than kind of the you know what I'm gonna do this, or come up with some kind of idea. It's just like, Oh, well, there's nothing I can do, and they make excuses for their own, whether it's victimization or for their own like like impotence. I don't mean sexually, since I mean just lack of taking action.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Or, you know, just try to go. Well, you know, and just sort of accept what is when actually they totally have the ability to change the situation for the better better. And even in sometimes it will just change it better for the better for them, but it will actually change it for the better for others as well. And so, you know I sit here and I look at this, and I'm just like, Oh, my God! Why don't you just
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: do this or do that? Why can't you just make a different choice. Why can't you see that you have power in the situation? Why do you keep making excuses for that person that you're with?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Why do you keep putting up with horrible behaviors? And allowing yourself to be abused? I mean, I obviously dealing with different levels of excuses here, right excuses, you know, saying in a relationship that's not healthy or situation is not healthy, or excuses of like, just sort of putting up with things and not actually trying to find a way to make it better for oneself.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So you know, why do people make excuses? Obviously, I would say, actually, there's one answer. But there can also be different reasons that are sort of underlying that are kind of like nuances, I guess of this.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But what's the obvious answer. Why do we make excuses? Why do other people make excuses? Because of fear, of course, because we're afraid, because they're afraid. There are reasons why we make excuses for ourselves, for the situation, for the people we're in for our own inability to get out of something or make a change.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: you know, when presented with an alternative, or with an exhortation that says, Come on, you could do this. Get out of this is helpful for you what will. Sometimes we, every other people can do excuses. Well, no. Oh, he's really actually good, Guy. He's not that bad that's obviously wanting, you know. Sometimes people are in unhealthy, or it can be just like well, they don't really need to behave that way or
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: or it can be. Well, I don't know. I don't know what to do. You know, it's sort of defaulting to that place of what I don't know what to do rather than actually trying to find out. We all make excuses, and and we all made excuses, I should say. And then we see other people make excuses, and I'll just tell you also. Just I think what also does trigger me about this
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: is that and I'm not saying either I make plenty of excuses in my life, or I've rationalized why I've stayed in situations. But I think also because I feel like it's dishonest. And I'll explain that more. Just realize I need to sort of talk about that later, but actually
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: making excuses is actually a form of dishonesty. I think not that the reason we're giving is dishonest, but we're being dishonest with ourselves about our own power and our own ability to change
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Or maybe that other person is being dishonest about their own power. And I'm not saying they're deliberately trying to lie. But to me it's just to be so clear. I'm like, what? Why are you like? You can totally do this, you know. So there's a kind of dishonesty there in that. The person's not actually seeing themselves clearly, and they're not owning their power. So anyway.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: back to fear fear is like underneath pretty much everything that we do that's not healthy for us. Let's just like like acknowledge that. But when it comes to, when you notice yourself making excuses, as always. I wanna give you some like tools to work with some questions to ask yourself
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I. The first question is, what are the fears. So if you find yourself making excuses, for if you notice someone else's making excuses for staying in a situation with our own victimization, or whatever know that it's fueled by fear. And as I say this to you, and saying this to myself, because obviously, as I started off with this call, you know this show by saying episode by saying.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I get triggered by this. So it really triggered me. But I had to step back and go. Wait a minute, just scared so on the surface, it's coming across as an excuse which really bothers me and triggers my like dishonesty thing, but it's also that they're scared.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and so fears. So since we can't control other people, but maybe if they're open we can maybe ask them these questions as well. Ask yourself when it comes to excuses, find yourself making an excuse or rationalizing whatever.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: What are your fears? What are your fears? And one way to ask yourself is, What are you afraid would happen if or how are you afraid you would feel so? For example? This person, who I know, who is in a very unhealthy situation. And this person's been in this situation for well over a year, and I'm not the only one who's been trying to help them, you know. Really see the light on this. And so this isn't healthy for you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and even trying to help them on a deeper level of understanding themselves. You know, it's a question of asking that person, or like I've been in situations that are healthy for me. It's like, what am I afraid would happen if
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I were to leave that person, or if I were to tell that person that I need to leave.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: what am I afraid would happen if now the fears can be. We could be afraid of that person's reaction. But we could also be afraid of our own reaction in our own feelings. And so those fears can be multiple ways it could be afraid of, you know, maybe, that they would never be with anybody ever again. The fear that one might not be.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: never find someone else again. Fear of being alone, fear of of arousing that person's anger, the fear of more use, the fear of you know. Where do I go from here the just, the the death of the dream of that relationship. It can be all kinds of fears that we have.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But here's what I've also found, too.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: is that we can have sort of those fears that come immediately to us. But with this next question
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: we can actually find the deeper reasons for why we make excuses for not stepping into our power on something or not, you know, standing up to someone or not making a change, and that we could usually figure out, start to figure out the deeper fears by asking this question, which is.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: where are those fears coming from? So what part of us is carrying those fears or is holding the core. Fear that might be fueling what our conscious mind is currently aware of, like
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: it could be like with a fear of being alone. That's a huge fear for so many people. Okay, fear of being alone. Well, your adult mind might say, yeah. But come on like I've got a job, or you know, I've got a place where I can crash, or you know, II always find someone else I can get on, you know, or dating site, or I can go to, you know, hiking groups or whatever. And I can meet other people. Okay, fine. But what is really what? What is fuel.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that fear of being alone? What's the deeper part of you
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that is carrying the really cool fears of being alone, and what that could be. If I'm alone, then that means like the meetings that we make out of circumstances in our lives. So like if I'm alone then. So that's where you can start with. What are my fears? But then the next level can be.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Where are those fears coming from inside of me what parts of me are carrying those fears, and I always, always, always, because this is my work, because it's so powerful and it works, is, draw out those fears, don't yet know how to draw out. Take my free course, and teach you all how to do it. Super super easy community dot ChangeLight that world is free, and it will teach you how to start drawing out those
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: parts of you so you can at least put them out of you get them in front of you. And by doing that you're also going to have more epiphanies and realizations about where they're coming from, what's few in their stuff.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So, looking at the parts itself, also where those fears coming from, you know what come could come up for you is a memory, a particular trauma. Just notice what the subconscious brings to you when you ask where this is coming from, what parts of your part of me is carrying this fear, because not not the whole self of you is afraid. There are parts of you that are very empowered. In fact, they may be kind of frustrated with you because you are making excuses, and they may be yelling at you like, come on, get out of this where you doing? You're crazy. You're stupid, whatever
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: but that it's not. Yes, and that's great. That's that's why it's important to recognize. Okay, but there are parts of you that are scared that are keeping. You stop for feeling disempowered, believing in your own disempowerment.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and also to ask, Okay, those fears, how are they trying to protect you, or that part. How is it trying to protect itself?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: What is it afraid would happen if you were to make that change back to that other question?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So that's a first element is fears, is really looking at your fears, drawing them out, helping to release them so that we can have more of that clarity. What's fueling this, these excuses that you're making or even
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: maybe even help some helping someone else in guiding them to to this work. There's another element of it, though, too. And I ran. Ran into this for example, with my the friend who's in the unhealthy toxic situation.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and one of the things that, she said, made me recognize that. Oh, okay, it's not just fear. It's also that there's something that the situation is giving her or providing for her. It's a feeling or an experience that even though there is all this abusive manipulation and toxicity, there's also this
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: something that she's getting from it, because that's either part of it, too. We don't stay in situations just out of fear. Sometimes we say, because of what we're getting from it or how we think it's serving us. Okay? And that's something you gotta take an honest look at, too.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And so that's something you ask yourself, you know, if I'm making excuses for my own this empowerment for not making a change. Okay, well, how is this situation serving? I mean, maybe it might be a situation of being in a complete state of, you know, inertia and not doing anything. Maybe it's a job that you're in. Maybe it's a you know, it's a relationship. Maybe it's you know.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: something that's just going on in your daily life, you know you keep running into, but haven't made any changes about. You can also ask yourself on the flip side, not just the fear, but also, how is this serving me? What am I getting from this?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And that's something that's really really important to recognize. Because what in terms of the situation that I just mentioned with my friends, it's just the sweetest kind of most wonderful woman, and that's why it's just so awful to see her. And this is situation. Is that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: one of the things that that she said? I said. I made me reply. You know what I'm hearing from that
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: is that really, what you're really needing and seeking is is tenderness and care and affection and attention, and for someone to say that they love you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And she said, Yeah, you know, that's really what I want. And so then that prompted me to ultimately say, you can have those things from someone else
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: without the abuse.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So that's where, when we're making excuses, it can be because we might be compromising. And ultimately they're compromising ourselves and compromising on ourselves where we're like, well, I'm putting up with this. It's because I'm getting this.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: But what I also just for the record, or just in case it's helpful. What I also explained to those I said. That's the classic, like.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: like victim of abuse statement. But he's not that bad all the time, but she still, you know she she does things for me. He brings me flowers, you know. It's not so awful. Well, that's not really what it's about. It's you know, and sometimes that's even part of the manipulation. Oh, but I'm so sorry I'm gonna give you flowers. And so that's gonna make up for the fact that they just abuse you or manipulate you in some way or another, or use you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: And so that's where. But but at same time. That's where it's important to acknowledge both both that we might be scared, and that there's something that we're staying in the situation because it's giving us something, some kind of feeling or experience that is really what it is that we really want to experience. And so we're putting up with all the other crack.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: because that's what we want. But what that can do is I already kind of pointed out with her is what that can do, though, is, it can trick us into thinking that we have to put up with this in order to get this. And I'm gonna tell you right now, that is the S.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: There might be some circumstances where? Yeah, that's what you gotta do, I? You know. Let's say you signed up for a marathon. And you're gonna do that, Marathon. And you've been training for that Marathon. And in order to run that Marathon that they know it starts raining.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and it's like you might say, well, I'm not gonna let this rain well, you know, if you signed up for it, you're committed to it. You wanna do it. You might have to put up with some rain. Okay? Right? So that's a choice that you make. But when it comes to things like relationships, no, you don't have to put up with abuse and manipulation and horrible things, in order to receive the love, the care of the attention, the affection that you need, and you deserve.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: It's just it doesn't have to to be that way. And so that's something else to recognize, too, when we're making excuses. Why are we making excuses? What is it that we that we're wanting? And we think we're getting from that situation, but also what are our? And at same time, what are our fears, though what is it that's keeping us stuck there? Maybe it's fear of being alone. Maybe it's fear of actually being criticized, you know, could be making excuse for not stepping into your power.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and that by not stepping into your power in a situation where there's this sort of
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: comfort, familiarity of being not empowered and kind of not shining your light. But so that's what you feel like. You might be getting from it. But then there's also the fear of moving, criticized. So just a lot of different examples. But I will tell you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I will tell you
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that ultimately, when it comes to excuses, and when we're making cases or rationalizations. There is absolutely, ultimately
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: there is no peace
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: in doing so. There is no deep fulfillment in doing so. There is no satisfaction. There is no true power, there is no truly honoring your Truth and living your Truth and shining your brightest
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: by doing so. It just doesn't work that way when we compromise on something that's such a key part of ourselves, or when we allow ourselves to be subjected to abuse just for something that's an occasional benefit to whatever it is that we might be getting from that person in that situation. Ultimately it degrades the soul
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: to put up with those things ultimately degrades the sense of self
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and the trust in oneself. Because even if a part of you might be like, no, I'm okay with this. Another part of you is gonna know that you're being dishonest with yourself
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and with what's right for you.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: So that's something to be aware of. This is not me telling you that you have to take action today.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: that oh, my God! I'm making excuses that must mean that I need to get out of this, or must mean that I need to need to do something. Okay? Yeah. And you know, maybe at some point I'm not saying you have to do it now, because you might not be ready. You might not be strong enough, you know. There could be certain things where you know you've got to get certain things squared away in order to, you know, create stability for yourself, for the people around you, in order to, you know. Take a big step, let's say.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: but at least start by being honest with yourself.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: being honest with yourself. When are you making excuses? When are you rationalizing? Why, what are you afraid of? How could. How is this thing? How do you think this thing is really serving you? But ultimately this could be another question to actually add to that list. How is this not serving me? How am I ultimately disempowering myself by continuing to making, continuing to make excuses and rationalizations for my own disempowerment?
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Okay, and lack of action.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Oh, this is kind of intense, but I really hope it was helpful. I know this is not fun stuff, but ultimately this is where it's about. Sometimes we have to make really, really excruciating choices. They're not fun. And to be honest with you, that's something. Actually, I told the friend. You know I've I've been that person where I other people around me were screening me. Get the call out doing where you, with that person? Why, you etc.,
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and it took a number of things for me to finally start to see the light and make those changes. And, my God! It was hard, and it hurt.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: However, at the same time, after I made that choice, I did. It
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: felt free. I felt amazing.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: I felt so empowered. So that's something to consider, too. But on the other side we let go of the excuses and the rationalizations.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: and the fears, or at least you know the lack of the inaction whatever that is. when you let those things go and make that choice. That you know is right for you ultimately in your own empowerment.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: That is the greatest
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: reward feels amazing. Alright, as always. I hope this is helpful. I'm Emily with ChangeLight. Please do come to ChangeLight that. Well, also, the podcast. I've got a free podcast where you can actually hear people going through the Drawing Out Process really powerful, really amazing. I've got more episodes coming, just been really busy with a lot of other stuff. But those are coming out soon, Dark Light Truth. Go to my website, ChangeLight, dot, world slash. Podcast you can see all the good stuff there.
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Emily Eldredge | ChangeLight.world: Alright! Well, I love you. I hope you have a wonderful week, and I will talk to you again soon next Wednesday. Bye.
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